From: Dan Berladyn [mailto:dberladyn@gmail.com]
Sent: March 18, 2016 2:16 PM
To: Mogk, John Philip <johnphilip.mogk@fraserhealth.ca>;
Subject: RE: Hi John Mogk. - CORRECTED - Your Psychiatrist

I shouldn't write anymore.  I keep making typos which makes things worse.  Please disregard the last version and use this one.  The email should read as it is corrected below.  I'm not bothering make more changes.

See the below for CORRECTED TEXT. Hopefully I do not email any more.  Thank you.

Sent from TypeApp

On Mar 18, 2016, at 1:16 PM, Dan Berladyn <dberladyn@gmail.com> wrote:

I have to kill some time, can I use that word?  I was in my doctor's office yesterday and one of the medical staff said they told their kid they could kill them.  Obviously not with the exact same feelings but similar in ways perhaps, I thought it was funny.  A part of me wonders a few things.

I was in rolling mental health writing this, pulled over on the side of the road, typing desperately on my phone just to get it out, trying to log the event by email while I fumbled trying to find a place to live and to keep working in a situation that should have never have happened, especially in my overall state.  I don't know why (- even at the time of writing I questioned this -) I have the personality to make excuses for everyone else's benefit with words like "Obviously not with the exact same feelings"...  in reality, all I was ever trying to do was keep working and righting my own ship as everyone keep tilting it upside down, over and over again - family, doctors, police, etc.    The danger was to me, not the others.

You said you thought I had an illness because I wasn't depressed.  I know depression will not help, but I think a total emotional collapse is coming.

I expressed my thoughts of Emotional Trauma, Depression and even PTSD as my proper diagnosis to my GP and he said perhaps.  Perhaps that and OR a little bipolar.  I'm not sure definitions do anyone truly any good.  I see the same things in my oldest brother, but see him running in the "positive" as opposed to the "negative" like me.  Which makes sense as he always got what he psychologically needed from me.  He takes, I lose.

In the hospital there wasn't an official diagnosis.  In fact they said they didn't have time.  Both cases at RCH.  No determination.

When I look at the Officers notes I see her write things that are not true and things at least in heavy bias.  Did you tell her that I stated I hadn't had concern for my mother?  Funny, because I can look through text's and emails to see myself stating that I do have concern.

Also, that Pyschiatrist in your office.  She may hold more weight like you do with that piece of paper, but I remember how it went in there.  I don't need a piece of paper for that.

I was out of the hospital, my nerves were immediately wracked by the PMPD showing up and playing their way into my space where they told me I'd better get out of that house, my home where I remember being in a crib.

I didn't sleep the night before the last before I had seen you. That was one of the first things I said to you. When I saw you, you immediately noticed my lowered stress state.  You stated 30 minutes in to a 60 minute session that "they" wanted a Psychiatrist to see me.  I agreed unsure.

Once she was in there, with 30 mins remaining, I became concerned as to getting stamped and labelled really quickly as she jotted notes.  I told her that a little alarmed, she agreed there wasn't much time.  Then she brought up my dad an emotional issue for me.

Then she wanted me back in the hospital, the worst thing you could do to me because of my finances and my needing to return to work.  Of course I'm going to get upset with this.  

Then she asked if I ever wanted to hurt someone.  Of course, that's emotion and many people have in their lives, I stepped away from her again feeling unreal what was happening.

Not to be stereotypical, but like a sensitive girl she got all sensitive saying oh my God, I'm concerned for you.  You need to go to the hospital, again the worst thing that could be done.  I told her that's the worst thing she could do for me.  She said she was concerned for me, I remember thinking my God she's sensitive.

I don't think I worded the above right.  She was more like a 'player' playing me in an intentional script to lever me into the hospital.  What business does the police have in pushing psychiatrists on people?  Why else would the police 'want' me to see a psychiatrist?  Total Sham.  PMPD trips where nothing like RCMP trips to the hospital.

I phoned my friend, he told you not to let them take me. I told you not to take me.  Yet you took me. Once there, I was calm like you even said to be.  I finally was spoken to decently by Psychiatrists who spent time talking.  Three of them. Two new ones, one I really liked.  He was actually a good guy, #2 that night.  You suggested I have a smoke while you two talked about it. You knew I wouldn't go anywhere and that I was reasonable.  I was no more emotional or concerned, or out of control than she was.  You were good to me in that you were fair.

I insisted the PMPD not leave the scene to take me home. They tried dumping me there.  The reports lie.  I was calm. I actually thought I was getting helped.  I started feeling like I was getting played at the end of the night.  Even one of the Psychiatrists that I thought was going to help me stated good things.

Then I noticed them talk to the PMPD for a while and the PMPD left.  I was still calm.  I was still dressed and using my phone where the battery died.  At 10pm it became apparent that I wasn't leaving.  One of the psychiatrists walked by, #3 that night, he said hopefully this will all work out for you and time will tell.  Upon realizing I wasn't leaving for sure, I told him he was crazier than I was.

This guy #3 was from the very office I am emailing.  I didn't realize that at the time.

Other people making decisions for my life when they don't even know what I need in my life.  That's Crazy, that's what my siblings do. I've had people tell me they would lose it in my situation. I never lost it all all.  Frustrated and making some Facebook posts, that's all I've done wrong through the whole period.  The frustrated ones were wrong and deleted.

Everyone was nice in the hospital, the security detail was nice.  The nurses were nice.  We had conversations, they remembered me yesterday.  Friendly happy to see me as, I went to RCH yesterday on my own.  Sherbrooke too.

Upon my release before arrest, Dr. Scarth was actually carrying a different tune than from when I first met him on my very first trip.  He was very nice and trying to help me.  On the second day he said he didn't have time to diagnose me, I can't determine a diagnosis were his exact words. He mentioned he'd get me out of here to get on with my life.

I waited another day laying in that bed just sleeping because there was nothing else I could do.  Finally he came to me and said he was sorry, he can't legally hold me any longer.  I thought that was strange, I wanted to be at work.  He offered some words describing me. Vulnerable was on of them.

Next I am arrested.

I was railroaded because the notes lie.  That's very disappointing for me.  I've always respected the PMPD and I felt I'd be treated better as a life long resident and human being who always took pride in his city.

Nice to see the arresting officer was a new hire.  Someone who has to prove herself and possibly even knew my sister growing up. The same elementary school she told me, from the same neighbourhood unless she's full of it.  Perhaps she just came from another Department somewhere to be an expendable person handling this case.

Anyways, I respected you for your Masters.  You spent time earning that.  I just want to write you hoping you were not pushed into railroading me.  Your paper should be worth something as well as your Oath.

I see the Officers notes.  Makes me laugh because of the "System" and what the Duty Counsel said.  Her thoughts matched mine.  Anyways doesn't really matter, I don't see a workable solution for me other than the truth.  It's all too late now.  My life is completely destroyed. 

I'm not asking you to wear anything in regards to that, I'm sharing it with you and I hope you don't share this with the prosecuting party.

Take care,
Dan. Berladyn