Hi Bxxxxx,

I remember you had first told me I should seek counseling.  My reply to you was something to the effect of “Counseling does not help”.  You politely and encouragingly suggested that it does help somewhat.  I would like to tell you that the only thing truly beneficial to me was the confirmation without a doubt of something I had already known – a legal confirmation to a third party.  That being that my mother would have lost this house without me.  That my father and I were “Givers”, the rest of them being “Takers”.  I never liked the word Giver because all I wanted was what was mine, what I worked for, what was fair, what was equal to me.  As for the rest of the “Counseling” all he did was open a can of worms and keep me there for a profit.  I couldn’t even financially move forwards and climb into a better position.

With a few exceptions, I generally resisted medication until my father’s death.  The side effects of going on such were so severe I promised myself to never go off of them as per this doctors instructions.  I gave in.  As far as Dr. Owen James stating he closed my file in 2011; I see that as a guy covering his rear at that time.  He’d lose his licence if I could prove what he counselled a stressed mentally unwell person on psychotropic medications.  I mentally noted it, but I was unsure.  Now I am.  I may have seen him once more in 2012, perhaps he never legally noted it.

I don’t know how any of this is going to end up.  I probably have ten different options at the moment.  My mind seems to go faster than time and time faster than me.  I lose momentum that way.  I know the route my internals are telling me to go.  For me, that route probably settles my father’s words and my own if I end up having to walk away with nothing and a much shortened lifespan.  My health is not where it should be at my age and that’s a catch 22.  I can’t improve it unless I feel better about myself and I can’t feel better about myself with my family simply getting away with what they want to.  That’s not a physical threat on my part.  It’s simply me doing what they never liked, talking.

I just returned from an extended family members place.  He told me of the last “Berladyn” get-together which evidently was the first in decades.  I didn’t want to go because I didn’t want to be in the same room as my immediate family.  I was that beaten down.  Eventually I went in the last hour, I have extended family that I have no issues with.  My mother looked ill there, as ill as they make me feel.  I was just told tonight something I suspected.  My oldest brother and my sister were telling everyone I was crazy at that get-together.  I shall have no remorse for those two, for if I have been crazy they drove me there.

This Summer we had a cousin pass away.  I went to the funeral alone.  I received hugs and exchanged loving thoughtful words with his children.  My siblings and my mother stood distant looking like jack asses.  My mother looked ill.  For that reason (her looking ill) is why I have been concerned with all of this.  I believe the wrong approach could be detrimental to her health.  I must be a fool, for as much as I have been through, I still seem to care.  Even my brothers, I still seem to have care, but I shouldn’t.  There is no justification for such.  I either take the poison and the fall for all of them, or I spread it back to where it originated.

I am almost two weeks behind on doing what I need to do.  That is write.  Not necessarily to you, but write out my history.  Just so you know, August 2013, I decided to throw away the medication I was on.  I was never supposed to quit that cold turkey, my GP Dr. Brian Carlson was surprised I was able to do that without effects.  That was likely a partial factor in my mental decline starting in October 2013.  I’ve had some hard times, but that period was the darkest and deepest I have ever entered.  I feel I have permanent health damage from it.  My General Practitioner hid that as my family was in communication with him.  That’s not my immediate concern however, if it becomes one at all.

I note you have not responded to my requests for a disclosure of the services you the Port Moody Police have offered.  I have begun to assume you will place priority on my mother’s needs as she is a title holder, elderly and a woman.  I am the way I am from the environment I have been raised in and continued in onto this stage of my life.  I feel my lifespan is shortened as Dr. Owen James stated himself.  My name may now carry a stigma legally now from all of this.  The only thing I am truly guilty of is wanting to do the right thing, be genuine, sincere, honest, integral and be noble in pursuing goals that not only fulfilled myself if they were obtained, they looked after my parents.

I want you to know, with no physical harm or intent, no threat to any persons.  Just simply a truth.  I’d rather take a bullet than have some Mental Health expert continually experiment and drug me with psychotropic medications.  I hope neither ever happens.  I think all we all need as humans is acceptance, love, pride and a fair chance to live an honest living while looking to good role models.  The way things actually work in life especially under this system though…  I don’t know.   A person’s value should not be placed on their wealth.

I plan on writing through December.  Not to worry, I don’t plan on writing you.  I’m just workload you likely don’t want.

I thank you for your time,
Dan Berladyn

AGAIN, I am asking for Services the Port Moody Police Department offered.  Why was there no reply?  I already feel like I know why. November 17th, Officer MORRISON wrote that I didn't want them. I told him that I would think about it, I simply was not going to make that decision in his presence, I wanted to be alone with it. I made decision to proceed with the "help" offered the minute he walked away from me. By the way, Officer MORRISON, no offense, but you are known as a Cuck.