I am just too hung over. It was three tall beers last night, not two. I do not drink. I have been carrying stress. I have emotional stress on top of that. Nothing is working out work wise. I mean, I am thankful that I am earning enough to provide for my basic needs but I expected to do this job in ten days, it is looking like forty days. I am not strong enough, not assertive enough, and the home owners have no idea what they are doing. I am getting hosed.

Then of course, I didn't know what I was coming home to. Home. Which everyone has had a hand in making a disaster of. I get so sick, I am so sick, from just going about my day while my brain just constantly replays all the inept injustice of absolute uncaring morons. I don't even want to think about it, but I do. Then, before I even get home I am stopped by a neighbourhood Christmas party. I know better than to drink, but...

Every time I regret it. It is such a waste. If I didn't go to work today, due to snow, I thought I will do such and such. I am just so behind on every single thing I could be. What happens today? It snows and I am super hung over. It's almost 24 hours later and I am still hung over. Alcohol and I just do not mix. Sometimes I surprise myself and I have been able to consume a lot, but normally this is it. An easy drunk with the high cost of lost days later.

I try to make it a point to watch these every year. I liked how she started her message this year. It made me very thankful that did say things towards HRH Prince Philip. It made me thankful to hear her recognize her husband, her man, her other half. Which of course she would do. The intro just about brings me to tears. It would be silly to assume any less of her. However, I am too hung over to listen to her message in full this year at the moment.

I can say that about half way through, the former feelings that I had had in my desire to write her roughly twenty years ago kicked back in. It's probably best that I never did that because I was not half way in understanding who she is and what she represents as I am now, and I probably still have far to go, but... none the less, the same reasons I had wanted to write over two decades ago flared up with this video.

I am not going to attempt to write it here, but there is a deep divide right through me. Why? Why, I had wanted to ask her. I don't know what view to take, but really it is a question for the whole world I suppose. Anyways, maybe I will try watching this another day.