I just found a good looking picture of my dad. He was one of those straighter desiring guys. Proud. He wanted to be an upstanding person. He was. Then I look at the two cousins he is embracing. It wasn't their fault, but they went down the wrong roads. It was no one's fault actually. It was societies fault. I don't want to say too much, but drugs infected our family too. Not this household. Dad did very good here in terms of that.

But some of my cousins.. the drugs of the era, it ruined them. My dad looks really good. I'd like to post the picture, but I cannot. There he is being loving and supportive of my two lesser known cousins, and at least one of them is whacked out on drugs. I know it. I even remember that night. I can look at all our family photos and remember the day, the instance, the night it took place. I have always been able to do that. I have always enjoyed it.

Anyways, I just think it is disappointing. You can do everything you can to do to be a good person, and life just.. I don't know. I don't blame those cousins, as I know the hardships they faced. I do. I understand it. Especially being older now and looking back, rather than being younger and looking forward. I remember there being something taboo about them; it was drugs. Drugs destroy people, regardless of family.

I forgive them, but I am ashamed at some of my cousins for the paths they rolled down. I was lucky. I am pretty resilient to drug use. I lived with hard core heavy drug addicts day in and day out for seven months, and there was absolutely no way I was using. Other people though.. I could see how they would falter and cave in. I am very lucky that I had the right things instilled in me at the right times.

I'd love to just be open, but I am not sure how I feel about it. How others would see it, but I am thinking of someone else too. An only child with the best of parents. The kid ended up as a greasy drug dealer. Honestly, I think the strain from that killed his dad. His dad was very upstanding. Very proper. Known as a Gentleman. That is how he does down in the books, as a real gentleman.

How his kid ended up like that, and even further.. how he ended up with the awards that he did is beyond me. Even I thought he was piece of --- beep --- once I got out in the real world and seen life for myself. He was a nice friendly caring guy, but I literally 'hate' drug use. I don't hate much. I try not to hate at all, but I 'hate' drug use. It is so destructive. I just have a very low tolerance for accepting such, especially if I have the option to avoid it.

On the other hand, I am very accepting. I accept that drug addicts are actually victims. They are. Those people I was forced to take residence with, they were victims of someone else's wrong doing. Lives completely destroyed.