Mike was the sibling that I had had the least issues with as he was the least threatening to my person. There is really nothing else that I desire to say on his birthday. I sent this picture to my mother on December 3rd, as she spent time with him as he passed away. I can only hope now, as I did then, that seeing his own picture with his deceased father wasn't taken as an omen of what was to come. I hope viewing the image didn't cause him any anguish.

Back in November of 2020, I remember writing an RCMP Officer. I was expecting that the death of one of us might wake the others up and change the dynamics for the better. I believe I had explained that none of us had lost someone on our own level yet. None of us had experienced death on our branch of the tree. I thought this might change the others, but honestly looking back it didn't seem to phase anyone. It's rather unfortunate.

I've been working in the home of someone who is 'professionally' involved with cancer patients. She tells me the kind of cancer that took Mike is actually rather rare in her world. She told me of how their treatment programs are often really just a means to keep people employed. Otherwise, those people wouldn't exist. That treatments are confined to one or two practices in order to ensure that those who work in the field have "work" and an "income". Surprise surprise.

When I went to confirm that my brother was in the hospital back in November/October of 2020, I had a lot on my mind. One of those things was that my brother Mike was confined to one visitor who was to relay information to everyone else. This person was to partake in part of the decision process regarding treatment. I immediately felt for Mike as I had suspected that he was about to follow some bad advice. Poor guidance. I figured it would cost him his life.

Perhaps there was no alternative for him with what he had had, but I just had a feeling that he was going to be led down the wrong path for all the wrong reasons. I could almost foresee the chain of events taking place. Naturally I was powerless to stop it. Especially with the hospital staff doing the exact opposite of what I instructed them to do. By the dynamics that transpired they forced us to meet. It wasn't good timing for brother Mike. Especially since it was me who caused the disturbance to his rest.

I walked away feeling burned. I felt like that was the last time I would see him alive and it was. Then, for added effect, I was chastised by family members. People felt the need to bark at me for going to see my dying brother in the hospital. In my life, there is almost nothing that doesn't happen without some form of abuse. Some form of ridicule. Some form of devaluement and disrespect. In many ways, this has made losing a sibling easier for me. Not only have I not had the personal stability to think of him and mourn, it's the surrounding issues.

I only just finally cried over my grandmother's death just last month. She passed away sixteen(16) years ago. I lost two of the closest, most trustworthy, family members to my person at relatively the same time. Her death was over-shadowed by my father's and all the issues my big brother dumped on my plate. This while ever more issues were dumped on my plate, all sourced from the same root. I have been given, and am often burdened, by so many undeserving issues that the compounded effect makes makes dealing with anything next to impossible.

Anyways, my 'client', my 'friend', my 'associate' who works in the field told me that there are other options for treating cancer but they are made unavailable for the reasons stated above. The other treatments might not have helped him. Perhaps no treatment would have been less painful. I have no idea. I would not know. I am just glad that I do not bear the responsibility. I did have fleeting moments of wanting to look into treatment options, but due to my situation it was next to impossible.

I do bear a responsibility for not being able to do more for my brother, but there wasn't really anything I could do other than cause him more grief by attempting to force visits while I myself was in no shape to do so via the logistical nightmares of just keeping myself afloat and avoiding my own death brought about by completely unwarranted, unnecessary, and undeserved legal woes. It is just mind boggling the amount of damage that people can cause another only to just simply walk away unscathed.

My siblings, the police, corrections that are not corrective, and just everyone. Completely irresponsible, but hey they get a pay cheque from the public purse and they have rights you know. I am not sure what to say brother Mike, but I am sure that you would have lots to say if it wasn't me saying it. I am sure you would concur if it was someone else griping about how ridiculously corrupt and incompetent this system really is. "Unfair" would be something Mike knows.

Brother Mike, often felt that he got the short end of the stick.