I cannot even put it to words how it feels to be me. I am trying to come to some rested peace, which I have nearly come to today. I started casually looking into somethings I had wanted to, and that all turned out to the be same. Only women and queers can be victims according to the government web-pages I had visited. However, that doesn't mean a single government employee will ever admit that unless by chance I am not recording them.

I also looked into something else that I likely looked into in the past. It's very unfortunate that those records are not obtainable by such a government entity. Otherwise they would contribute rather nicely to providing evidence to assist in the continual pattern of abuse, coercion and fraud that has been so damaging to my elderly mother, myself and this household. Meanwhile, only innocent upstanding males are completely victimised, while criminals laugh on.

I wanted to know something and I found my answer. I was looking through childhood school books and baby books from when I was born. I just happened to be looking at my baptism acknowledging to myself that my scanner is not working. Below my certificate of baptism is a photograph of this house in February of 1976. One year after my conception. At this moment I was distracted by a large truck driving down the street.

He parked out front and said he'd be right back. I said Ok. I wondered if mom was going to come down and I just stayed out of view until he returned after visiting a neighbours house. Should I let him just go to the doorbell? Should I intercept the package. It is 'normal' for me just to collect a delivery as I have always done. In spite of not wanting a mental health assault like last week, I made myself available when the driver walked the package to me.

He passed it to me stating 'William'. Ouch. That was another kick to me. Like a good chump, I reached out to take the package while stating: he doesn't live here. The driver pulled back the package, repeating: He doesn't live here? I am not giving you the package then was the outcome. It wasn't my intent. I asked to see the address just to confirm one William Mother-Fucker and this address.

As the driver walked away I thought to myself. Just what I need. More divide. More reasons for people to resent me for doing nothing wrong. Then as I came inside I thought why am I feeling all sorry over this. That mother-fucker is still sucking on my mother's tit, using this house that has literally cost me my life and he still driving a wedge into the relationship between my mother and I, whether he realises that or not.

I shouldn't feel bad at all. I believe I overheard my mother tell him that he cannot come here anymore while I witnessed the most puzzled look on his face. You know what William, Bill, if you are reading this. It's nothing against you, but you should really just fuck off. Go get your packages delivered somewhere else. My mother has been abused. I have been abused. This house has been abused.

You are only causing problems. You, Jimmy, Lisa.. everyone else. The only thing out of your mouth should be: "I am not involving myself at all with anything to do between a mother and a son. I am not imposing myself into someone's home and relations of 45 years. I was not born into that home and I have no vested interest into a history that is extremely personal and does not involve myself." You should really just take a flying hike and I should not feel bad at all. You people are scum. You really are. Pond scum.

There are so many things that I would have NEVER have done walking in your shoes around a property like this. Are you stupid, or do you just not have any care for anyone other than yourselves? Who the fuck walks into someone else's childhood home and serves themselves as a wedge between... this is ridiculous. My mother is obviously still being manipulated, played, used and coerced, while I am still trying to catch up into a stable enough position where I can feed myself and breath so I can begin sorting things out.

You people are all disgusting. What else would a person expect from government employees? A lack of personal accountability would definitely be one of them. There's just something completely different about outlooks when you have a profession like mine where integrity, accountability, trust and results actually matter. I thought I was over ragging on those taking their livings from the public purse, but obviously not. It's always the same thing. It just is.

My siblings have nearly killed me multiple times trying to damage the relations here between my mother and myself regarding this house that you are taking it upon yourself to use, and you really think this is a great idea? Suck-holing my mother and getting your deliveries made here? Fuck right off. I'll be lucky if I am not biologically deceased at some point from all of this and you think your package deliveries are more important than my mother and myself?

I am not going to feel bad about this. Get lost.