So if you are reading here, like I believe some people are, I have had to scratch the day. I do not know if the job is lost yet. I have left that to the homeowner. Jobs always take a minimum of X amount of days. It's like cooking. Things have to dry between steps. It was best that this job was started today and finished before he leaves on Tuesday. It was the best scenario for everyone.

Bouncing back and forth in decision very tired this morning, after delaying the job for a little more sleep, I told myself just go. You are feeling better. Just go. Get rolling and moving forward will help improve everything, including how I am feeling. I go Home Depot and pay too much for material because the supplier is closed today. If I had money, would have went yesterday and seen people that I liked. Including a girl that I almost asked out.

I almost forgot to buy gloves. I cannot work without gloves. I paid $5 for each pair throw away vinyl work gloves feeling like I was getting raped. Which led to the thought of the "disorder" that I was suppose to have. I used to buy in bulk so that it was cheaper, more efficient and so that I never ran out of work supplies. Even in "bad", "unpredictable", stormy environmental weather.

Those doctors and their DSM are such FRAUDS. I am remember reading the DSM and seeing something in there.

I just get miserable with little thoughts like that as my mind recalls such in situations like this. One of the symptoms of XX disorder is stockpiling required assets. What a bunch of hogwash. These people are CRIMINALS. Here, take this POISON and see me next week so you can pay me again. They just find suckers. I wasn't a sucker. I just lost it when my father passed away and I didn't care to resist anymore. There was too much going on. Right big brother?

Anyways I drove out to the job. I went to use Google Maps which I often do not actually like using. I couldn't find my phone. I couldn't punch in the hard to find address. I couldn't call. I couldn't do anything but try to avoid hurting from that fact that I had no idea if I just lost my phone in Home Depot because I was too tired today. I drove around trying to recall exactly where the house was, but even though I could remember partially the more I tried, the more I forgot. I was too tired. When you are tired it's almost like your memory erases the more you try to access it.

Finally I gave up and came home. Now my schedule is screwed. It's workable, but for someone who was trained to be efficient it's all messed up now. The plans that were made that I almost had to insist upon are lost. To make up for that, I have offered to add more to my plate and drive the homeowner's material that he does not need back to a different Home Depot burning hours, fuel, wear and tear, and personal energy that I do not have with my vehicle that is getting more and more and more run down and damaged from the lack of financial functioning.

Not only this, but now I am running the risk of running out of money in the middle of the next job. That makes me fish food when I have to go to a contractor and tell him that I am a loser who cannot manage money. That is the worst thing ever. Telling people that you negotiate your earnings with that you are desperate, broke and cannot complete a job. That's a great way to get eaten in the fish pond. It's human nature. People kick you when you are down, and they reward you when you are up. It's an ugly reality.

You try explaining the life of someone like me to someone who takes their income from the government and it is just in one ear and out the other. It's like trying to run a store and there is no money to make change in the till, there's no money to buy product to put on the shelves, nor to hire employees. The heat and electricity is intermittently paid. No one wants to shop there. People want that kind of store DEAD. Just get rid of that place. Which is one of the ways someone like me gets MURDERED by BUREAUCRATS.