This is two(2) different trees. I feel like I know how this tree must feel. One is supplying LIFE to the other. As long as you do not Sever the Roots the Gardener says.

The chain of events since last night have taken me from optimism and positive outlook to the inverse. I was moving forward continuing to look up. I had seemed to have found whatever it was that I needed to do that. Moving forward continually making the best decisions in the given moment only to have life deny me at every turn after X point. I just wasted the last of my resources going to a job for someone that was everything that I did not want to accept in a job. It's not his fault, he's trying to help both of us. He was shooting into the dark, as I at times do.

I find that life can throw too many options all at once. A person does their best to take the right option given all the variables in the moment and it all doesn't work if something is out of tune. I would have been better to exercise any different option but that one. I do not even have the health to get angry over it, or to hate anyone. However, I have lots of reasons to blame people left and right for finding myself in this continual position. As of this moment, I can no longer feed myself, my phone will cut out and I will falter on the road tax of vehicle insurance.

At least that has now become a very likely outcome. It just takes a few wrong "clients" at the wrong time, or the wrong time to be sifting through "clients" and everything goes wrong in a real hurry. For my overall state, I am placing myself into the best scenarios that I can for my overall condition. This means small jobs, low commitment, fast turnover, etc. They are actually the hardest jobs to turn a profit on. There's just no room for error. There's no ability to make up time on a small job. If something is missed, or not done as efficiently as possible, the result is a loss.

Meanwhile, I cannot even worry about that as health is the only thing I can look after at the moment. I just have to go lay down and rest. Get feeling better. Then try try again. It's honestly just too much too explain. This is all the result of my overall well-being in terms of health and finances, with the added roll of the dice of fluctuating non-controllable external variables. People. The most unpredictable variables that there are. People. It would be great if I could convey all the details explaining the whats, the whys, the hows, but there's just no point. There is so much I could say, but there no point in expending the energy.