I have many reasons and desires to create a post here. It's rather fitting that I make this one as it does cover so many thoughts. However, I am too slow and the thoughts are too numerous.

My apologies to Her Majesty the Queen for not doing what I know that she herself is said to do. That is write Journals. Keep a Diary. We were taught by Mr. Bentley of Sir Frederick Banting Junior Secondary School to write and maintain our own personal Journals. This was very hard to do at first. I had a very hard time writing down my thoughts knowing that someone else (the teacher) would become purvey to them. I just simply wrote about a personal like if I remember correctly. I wrote about Model Railroads and eventually the writing became easier.

For most of my life I have known it was important for me to do so. To write out things that are important to my person. I have done so and deleted such many times in the past. However, I am always troubled by the choice I made when I finally bought my first computer. I finally had the means to privately write all the things I had wanted to write by the use of a computer. At that moment I recognized such. Unfortunately I also wanted to explore the internet, play video games and talk to girls.

I not only apologise to myself for not writing Journals that would be so handy in these times, I apologise to Her Majesty the Queen. I am always kicking myself for not keeping a Journal. I am forever in the desire to back write past events. It seems I am forever impaired by a loss of details that come and go from memory. I could have a five minute conversation with someone and it would take probably ten hours of writing to capture and explain all of my thoughts.

As time progresses the important details slowly fade out of recollection. In the very least they fade out of the ability to recall and immediately convert into writable text. The pain comes from the recollection of little minute details that are recalled at a later date while one is busy doing something else such as driving or working a monotonous physical job of some sort. A great problem for me throughout these affairs has been a personal reluctance to coax myself into a state where I can access deeper memory and begin writing, only to have to stop and attend to other matters.

That problem makes everything nearly impossible. It was a tremendous problem while I was at my cousins and elsewhere. I might take six hours, or six days, to finally come into a personal position where the truth will start flowing out of my person and into sort-able text. This was continuous. Then while I was in the process of moving forward and doing what I needed to do, some person would come along and just say "Hi, how are you feeling today?" instantly rolling me backwards and putting me into a position where everything had to restart all over again.

Seeing that I was living under someone else's roof and existing out their good nature.. there was nothing to do but grin and bear it hoping for better luck next time. Things are better now, but time has passed. It's only the instability of finding jobs and homeowners that are now the issue. They, as well as myself, cause plenty of disturbances to any endeavour. I just have no financial stability. It is simply a lack of resources. I am now almost out of cash again. Formerly I was stable, I never had to talk to people in the companies I worked for, but.. that route brings other issues.

Luckily in my better health, and more optimistic feeling of opportunity, running out of money at this moment is a less pressing issue than it has been in the past. None the less, I must solve that problem now rather sort out so many other issues. Anyways, I almost never put down to text what I intend to. This doesn't capture everything processed through my mind just an hour before writing, never mind the rest of this morning. Maybe one day everything will come back into tune. At least for the time being I have a feeling of peace and tranquility.