Since September 6th, I have watched myself cease to operate. I could not work after the physiological stresses imposes on my person after the Arrest. I cannot go two directions at once, not after everything I have been through.

It's either be completely free to just allow myself to come together with no restrictions, no burdens, no hindrances, no impedance, etc. Or the opposite direction of tearing this (un)intentionally corrupt, inefficient, incapable and inept system to shreds. However in reality, I am the only one going through the grinder as everyone just happily gets paid to do this to an innocent on the public purse with zero accountability.

Today I finally came to a psychological clearing which should have happened yesterday immediately walking out of Court. That didn't happen as yesterday's Arrest, via (false) Accusation, just dumped more problems on my person. More tasking variables, more tax on my person, bringing me to the decision of just writing out the day which took into the later even to finish. However, that wasn't all. Suddenly the Port Moody Police were interested in emailing with a subject header that was almost east to miss.

That emailing continued into this morning. This morning where I woke up feeling somewhat rested and slept, but still dazed with an after lull. I believe that I compared such to a pregnant woman carrying around all this extra weight then finally releasing such in childbirth. I imagine that she is going to feel better, but still suffer from the afterglow of such so to speak. That's kind of how I feel. I believe writing what I did to Peter Ng, Administrative Crown Counsel, helped me release a great burden.

Of which, being free of such burden, I was expecting myself to start rolling forward again. A month's income lost, and what ever upcoming work thrown out the window here I am in a dangerous position with almost not enough money to meet base needs. That is feed myself, maintain habits that much be maintain to avoid very hard crashes in mental health, fuel and maintenance money for a vehicle, materials, supplies, etc. Never mind upcoming expenses that need to dealt with

Bureaucracy Kills

Finally, as I am almost penniless I am able to move forward feeling rested and clear in the mind I start contacting leads, associates, advertise, etc. Doing all the things I needed to be doing over the last month continuously as there is always a time delay. Regardless of all the odds against my person in this position, once again I just accept the way things are and start doing what I can to move forward.

I only have so much time, I only have so much money, I only have so many options before it is impossible without damaging more relationships asking for help. Seeing that I have not eaten and that I have been too impoverished by all the injustice over the last two years, I have no food stocks. I have to go out. I know a great place to cheap healthy food from people who actually care. As I am headed there I am making plans towards the best use of time.

It's only the ability to feed myself that is stake, nothing important at all. My livelihood and what it all takes, it's not important at all. Not if you work for the government and you effect conditions upon such. Nope, it is just a big deal. It is nothing at all to be concerned with. I mean why have any respect for someone who earns their income with their own hands? Why have respect for someone who is honest, hard-working(or was), and seeks to take from no one? Why have respect for that person?

They should work for government like everyone else. They should be indebt and financially controlled like everyone else. They shouldn't be free. They shouldn't have dignity. They shouldn't be able to earn respect. They shouldn't be trusted. It's just such a crock of shit. It really is. A bunch of people paid on the government purse, living well dictating to everyone else while padding their won wallet. Maybe that is the way it is, maybe that is not the way it is, but this is how it coming out.

So here I am, delayed an entire day while right on the critical edge of situation that might just be hopeless. However my mind is clear, just accept things as they are an move forward. Complaining anything is not going to help the situation. Just relax, keep it simple, keep it smooth and explore the opens looking for a means to move forward and get going. As I am driving, I have thoughts towards the Bail Officer. I should call her, however once I don't think she has ever had cards with her name on them in my presence.

However, like any sane person.. pulling forward away from this cliff is more important at this point in time. I will phone. I said I would.

Bail Officer

I am just parking and my phone starts ringing. I don't know who it is, maybe it is a work call. Maybe something is coming through here and off I go the wheels are about to begin turning again. It's a terrible connection, at first I cannot tell it's unwanted harassing call or whom it is. Then it becomes apparent its the Bail Officer.

Instantly my stress level goes into alert. This is the exact reason I do not want telephone calls. I do not want assaults to my psychological health. I especially do not want them at this exact point where I am calm, clear minded, forward thinking, and processing best options towards getting away from this cliff that I am just starting to fall over.

This Bail Officer I have considered to very capable. She is smart, she is assertive, she has a certain prowess to her. She's forever pegged in my memory from the first time I met. I have a respect for her due to her ability, character, etc. After I tell her that my ears must have been burning, or however that works as I was just thinking of her moments before...

She claims that I never called her on September 22nd. Instantly, I am not happy. I did call her. I see this as psychological games. Abuse. I have been extremely abused by this system and I am feeling that that is exactly what this is. Abuse. Psychological abuse of my person. If I was Crown Counsel, or a Profiteer of this System, and I wanted limit the ability someone in my shoes to address the Courts: Sand-bag him.

Keep him down, wear out your opponent. Do not allow him psychological peace. Forget all the injustice and all the incredible abuse that you have put this innocent person through, sand-bag him and just wear him out. Which is something that I should not be dealing with at all. I have the Port Moody Police Arresting me, emailing me, keeping me occupied bleeding energy while really not do anything serve my immediate needs, now I have this to deal with.

I need to ensure that I can feed myself and I am impeded. I need to ensure my own dignity. I need to work. My mind needs rest. I have so many things to look into and pursue and here is this bullshit. I am not sitting confined in an office, I am in my truck just about to open the door. There is no need to be quiet. The displeasure to my person was rather obvious very quickly. Agitating things further was poor connection, as my phone would have been if I had WiFi turned off.

Next thing you know there is no one there. I didn't know if the call dropped, but I felt she disconnected the call herself. Not that I had said anything incredibly wrong at this point, but the displeasure was very obvious. Now I am war mode. I am pissed right off. You are Accusing me of doing something that I have not done and you have assumed power to effect more bureaucratic harm to my person.

I want to use the phone of the place I want to eat at. I cannot. Covid-19. More government control. This is just not getting better. I order food, I go back outside and I return the call. Suddenly the connection is better. I am not happy and slighty aggressive because she is wrongfully accusing me and I really do not need this upset in this moment. I should not be dealing with this right at this moment. In fact, if I was smart I would have just left it.

What could she have done? I was right. I did call. Anyways, I phone her back because I somewhat have felt a genuine respect for her, whether that is simply for her capability, or some equal footing from the first day I met her, for whatever reason aside from not wanting more issues. Either for her or myself I phone back and I am aggressively inclined in dialogue. She claimed that she just checked the voicemails and that I did call.

Yes, I did call and quite honestly it was rather degrading. I felt degraded when I called on the 22nd. I am lowering myself to this fraud over Arrest that should not even have taken place. Completely abusive, reckless and undeserving of respect. Absolutely dismal actually. Just terrible. All the way around terrible. No respect. Total pieces of shit to be honest. Cst. Hunter you remind me of someone who I thought was all thumbs. I befriended him anyways.. then I unfriended him because he lacks integrity.

Turns out, this very capable Bail Officer is either really good with onions, sniffles and a cough, or she actually has a bad cold which surprises me. I actually for her in way. I am probably not realistic in the way I see her, but from the initial assessment of her she seems to strong and healthy to get sick. Too fit. Too capable. Too something. I did legitimately feel bad for her. So here I am no long calm and clear. It's been a month now. No big deal to anyone else. Not at all.

As we talk, I just get livid over what she wants. Just completely unrealistic given that I likely cannot even meet my base needs of survival which is now knocking off any remote chance I have at my next stop. Which was cold calling an Associate. Just stop at this door. Be calm, be easy, see what he's got going for work. See if I cannot pick up a few crumbs. That is now completely out the window gone. For what?

So I add more bullshit to my plate? More bullshit on top of more bullshit, on top of more bullshit, on top of more bullshit, over something that I have not even done? This so ridiculous I cannot help but respond in the manner I was. That was eight hours ago as I type this words. That phone call completely ruined my any chance of fixing this problem tonight while I can still maintain "Mental Heatl" which no one from the government will assist with. Forget it. None of them actually want to help in those manners.

Anyways, I was not very pleasant towards the whole situation. I was apologetic to her at the same time as I really don't want to be that upset over a situation where I mental breathing room to even explore my best options in response. Same with the Court Appearance. Here just let us dump all of this on you just before you walk in there. Who is really responsible for that? You know you are beat with that letter in regards to that completely bogus Arrest?

So here, issue and Arrest Warrant so we still have someone we nearly KILLED with our Criminal Bureaucratic Bullshit caught in spider-web. I am not idiot who walks into someone else's house who almost died, told him that I didn't think he should live there any longer, and then ABUSED the position I am in paid for by the public purse to throw him out of his home and into complete destruction. Totally CRIMINAL. The whole system could not admit it, so you all worked in tandem to cover the crime.

At this point with the Bail Officer, I was thinking forget wasting my time emailing the Port Moody Police who are not actually doing me any good in the emails, forget this, forget that. My mind was bouncing all over the place including that I should just go walk in front of a car down in Port Moody, or other things because these people do not comprehend that I do not live off the government or an employer. There is no comprehension, nor care to that effect. Clueless. You think that's a lot of money Cst. Hunter?

Anyways I don't want to be hard on the Bail Officer. I agreed to call next week in order to keep the peace. These open logs might be the problem. I don't know. Maybe she's pressured. Maybe she's just had a really bad cold.
I don't know, but this is far too much for someone who has been abused as much as I have by ridiculous communistic bureaucracy. I am sure if I have time, which I do not, I can look for a means to defend myself from such.

Sure I can waste more time writing the issuing judge, add another thing to my plate. Personally, it's just me.. but I somewhat think the right thing would be lifting everything off my person. It's just lunacy. I don't fault the Bail Officer. It's everything. All of it. The police. Fingerprint this date. Court that date. Sure. How about all of you people, every single one of you who have dealt with me in the last five years chipping into a collection hat.

How about you throw $2500 a month so I can be at your beck and call?

I should be trying to pull in four times that. I should be building myself back up so I have have chance at pulling four times that. But no, I am suppose to be content to do whatever people who do not care tell me to do, so that they can have jobs and not be bothered, all while coercing and bullying elderly people to get their way in creating bogus arrests, entry into my home and if that's not enough, you Arrest me for something I have not even done. All this after you completely bullied me around for five years.

Do you people not understand how completely fucked up you are?

This is the second time I have written this here tonight. Not including writing it elsewhere multiple times.

Mental Health

You are and your bureaucracy is extremely harmful to my "Mental Health". I think you have all done enough damage. I think unless you are going to put cash in my pocket so that I can FEED MYSELF and seek INCOME that you continually cripple - you should just fuck right off.

https://www.canada.ca/en/public-health/topics/mental-health-wellness.html