I have had this site up for four years. Well, not quite.. but it did start out just over four years ago. It was originally to be run on a private server, on a private network, where I could just log in and write completely unknown to the world. At perhaps x-given time I would have just opened it up with logs that were very complete. This naturally would have been well organized and navigable, but that became impossible as I was so destabilized. So public I went with the idea in 2016.

Which, having to be "public" probably would have happened anyways as I needed to be completely open to save my life. As far as I am concerned this website has been extremely beneficial through some extremely challenging times. I am actually surprised that I turned it all "Off" the other month and kept it "Off". Keeping this site running was literally the difference between Life and Death. It was very important to me, and with no money and no income, extremely stressing to keep up and running while sleeping in the streets forced out of my own home.

The question I have right now in this very moment is the same as any other time. Organization. So simple. It's a Wordpress site. How hard can this be to organise? It just is. As simple as I like everything, I make it complicated because I want things just a certain way, but I can never really get there. I truly have failed myself, I should have had something set up twenty years ago when this was just a hobby to keep myself entertained after work while resting for the next day. I had all the time in the world back then it seemed.

Well, I might have had four hours a night to myself, but I was also always dead tired so... I shouldn't be so hard myself. I need ten of me for what I want to do with this site though. I wonder if I could even get along with ten of me. I guess if we didn't have to talk. If we could just all stay on the same page. I don't like talking, not unless I am care free and perhaps with a girl or something like that. I could do so much more with this site if I could just grab my own brain and hang onto it.

I actually feel pretty good lately, but finances will probably send me wonky again pretty quick if I am not careful. It's so simple. I am just to do small jobs and keep advancing.. but I keep getting sent backwards. I am just too old to get angry, put my head down and bull through my problems... those days are long gone. I used to be able to just... like a bull... bull through, shove the feelings aside and just push through... I am old. I have white hair, aches and pains. Anyways, if anyone truly wants to help me - the comments are always open.

You can simply write a reply in to a post. Currently the first comment is screened to rid the site of spam, but after I approve you once.. you can just comment away. I do not delete.