There are many things I can 'blog' here about. Everyday there is so much that runs through my mind, triggered by interacting with the external world. Pushing all of that aside, I found myself yet again in the Pub tonight. I often eat at a specific pub for the food, the ambience, the easy social interaction and importantly the women. Often I am just content in their presence. Often it is the waitresses who I enjoy. Some more than others. They have been very beneficial in patching me up inside.

Tonight the pub was very busy. Extremely busy. I do not know where they came from, but tonight the pub was full of women. I was wanting to leave as there wasn't really even a place to eat in peace. Let alone just relax and take in the scenery. Then, there was that odd moment where I found myself wanting to compliment or engage a woman or two. Odd I say because there is a certain rarity to my own desire be more extroverted.  Sometimes my best nights are when I am initially reluctant.

I found myself desiring to give attention to a woman I found attractive. It was so busy I thought she had missed my initial gesture as she walked by. Shortly thereafter however, her and her friends parked themselves at the bar right next to the table of guys I was sitting with. I could not help but notice how attractive two of the three of them were. At least to my eyes this night.  One from behind was reminding me of an ex-girlfriend.  I almost felt like I knew her body without really having to check her out.

Stable eye contact took root and eventually as I went to buy someone else (who was cut off) a beer from the bar, the first woman followed me and we interacted.  At least I took advantage of the opportunity. I liked her face, I found her attractive, but I could not tell her in a direct manner as we hardly understood each other's words. Limited English. They were foreigners. We didn't really need the language however as nature provides. A short while later I was back at my table and I decided to mozy on over to see them.

With one attractive woman on either side of me I came to conclude how beneficial the lack of language was. With lots of smiles and soft luscious breasts pressing into either side of me it was fun to translate text back and forth through one of their phones. I was asked to dance.. which, seeing that I do not really drink.. I ended up being a little too uptight for.  I am not a big dancer, I never have been really. She kept working me and I agreed, only have us both realise that I really needed a drink to loosen up and let go.

Long story short, the waitress took far too long to get the drink and during a lull of myself being elsewhere and not giving the girls attention, they ended up making plans to leave. They claimed they were off to a house party or the like, I was initially disappointed but in the end it was my lack of drinking that didn't have me at the relaxed and ready like they were. I have seen them in there before, I am sure we will cross paths again.  In a way it was for the best.

Now I had had my drink and was already looking for another to follow up on the first. Everything changed as I found a new gear. Aside from the fun those girls would be, as much as I could have a good time with them, I know what the deeper part of me wants. I headed out to the patio for a smoke seeing who I might find to interact with. I actually looking for anything but more women.  Outside I began remembering my mentoring from over 25 years ago and I did what was suggested to me. I looked at everyone. I took a good look at everyone.  I didn't really like what I saw.

With my mind on so many things, God included, I once again felt more pieces of the greater truth just fall into place. As life often grants (in little pieces), bits of the greater truth just fell into place. I felt sure about my thoughts. Once again if I could only just amalgamate all the little pieces into one comprehend-able writing someone like you might make sense of it. Internally, I feel like I get it. I understand it all. To communicate it however is another story.

Passing by the dance floor on the way to the patio I was unintentionally blocked by a young attractive woman having good time. I waited patiently for her and when she finally realised that she was blocking my path, embarrassed she gave me a very friendly swing about in order to change places. She's very attractive genetically I had thought. Later on, finding my way back to the hangout table, I found myself alone as the last of the other regular guys had packed up for the night and left. I finished my second drink and my mind turned to the Mother of God.

As unclear as this writing is, I had sensible interpretations and my thoughts just naturally came into place.  I like thinking by myself.  I always have.  I am not the best at sharing my thoughts properly however.  I began looking across the pub at all the women, and I wondered about each of them. Thoughts that I do not know how to recall for typing.  I am on a different plane than you might imagine with these thoughts.  I like to think deeply sometimes, from multiple angles and perspectives.

I wasn't sure what to do with myself if I hung around. I wondered if the retired RCMP Member was still here tonight. From time to time he is in my thoughts and I size him up.  I am not really sure he is truly worthy of approaching with some of my deeper aspirations.  In fact, I have dismissed the idea of doing so several times.  From time to time, I want to pick his brain and see if he has interest in continuing to serve where perhaps a working Officer cannot. I will leave this stuff out of this typing, but I decided I might go look for him and see if the engagement would be worthwhile.

Passing by the dance floor I brushed paths once again with the same attractive young woman from earlier on. Recognizing me and enjoying herself over it I let her know she was very attractive as I passed by. No one was interesting on the patio so I headed back only inside only to see the same girl from behind. I decided to give her a little more attention which led into her telling me how much she appreciated it.  My genuine share of compliments that is.  I am hard of hearing these days, but I think she returned the gesture in kind.

Finding out that she was with someone I rejected her hug. Hands off. She misinterpreted.  I had to clarify that it is just not my style to accept such affection from someone else's date, but we did keep talking and I brought up somethings things that were on my mind. Pleasantly flabbergasted, these were things that were very likely over her head, yet they were interesting to her on some nature level.  For myself, this just ended up being further confirmation of my own interpretations.

I wanted to know where she was from. Her roots. Her background. Bingo there it was. Ask and you shall receive. Alone in my own head space, I was asking earlier and here I was receiving my answer. I suppose the reader of this has no idea what I am really talking about but this again was an internal epiphany of confirmation towards a prior personal outlook. Only this time it was a woman which I was applying it to.  This was a good thing because for myself, in my own internal theology, my views work properly in regards to each sex. I probably do not make sense, I am speaking too vaguely, but within myself I feel I understand.

I feel as though I get it. I get the bigger picture. In the very least, I get all the little bits from time to time which make up the bigger picture.  If I am right, which I believe I am, I am not even sure I should trying to explain myself to anyone else.  It is not my purpose to share it.  These are things that people really have to explore and come to understand on their own - for themselves.  Even if I had tried, the correct interpretation, the correct image, it would likely be lost in translation and end up completely misconstrued.  Lost in communication from one person to the next.  Isn't that the case with religion?

I will see this girl again.  I have seen her before.  It was a funny comment she had made to me.  Rather direct.  Rather forward.  I should feel confident if nothing else.  However.. the pub/bar, it's not really the place.  It is not really conducive to what I truly seek with someone.  Which led me to remembering someone else on the drive home that I had met through a church last year.  I have not seen her again and she is likely too young, but the dynamic of meeting a woman like her in an environment like that, just appears so much more worthwhile.

I keep intending to attend church services and functions for various reasons, but...  resources and my situation continually disallows each time the desire is there.