Out of all the things I have wanted to write here and into letters, last night while still waiting recovering from excessive caffeine I wanted to take the moment to explain.  I switched to a Keurig machine over ten years ago.  That was one of the best things I ever bought myself and I was on my second machine when it finally packed it in during the worst of times in 2013/2014.  I never replaced it because I was too cheap, I had to be in the situation I was in.  A friend had bumped into me during this period turning as white as a ghost, later explaining to me that he thought I had less than a week to live.  I eventually probably paid for a replacement thirty times over or more by falling into the habit of going out and buying individual coffee's.   This quickly compounded from events outside of my control.  Events brought onto my person by other people.  I am not ill.  Society is.

Since I have been home, I have been using my mother's Keurig machine.  The one I bought her broke too, but nonetheless, we both would rather I make my coffee in my own space.  While my mother left here for a week to go babysit I decided to begin organizing myself here.  Unpacking belongings, sorting everything out, setting up desks and tables.  Inspecting my tools and other possessions for damage.  Onto fixing some lights and minor maintenance that has been neglected around the house while I have been gone.  This was actually fairly painful, the continued emotional hit of seeing so many things important to me destroyed, heavily damaged, completely neglected or back into complete disorganization.  I do not think the average person would comprehend everything I am trying to briefly state.

My point in this post, is that I decided to limit the amount of problems I might inadvertently create in the upstairs kitchen.  That is my mother's domain.   I set up myself up to make coffee the way you see in the picture.  As soon as I began this I knew I would quickly fall into the trap of making coffee too strong.  It is too easy for me to do and the consequences too enjoyable before the damage from over-caffeinated really hits.  That is my fault, but in reality there is just too much to deal with.  For me it takes days to wind down from too much coffee.  If it wasn't the coffee, it likely would have been something else, but it was not a good thing for the week of my first court appearance.  I am trying to blame where it is due, but really when people are trying to control your life unjustly - there is only so much that can ever be your fault.

Destabilizing someone in my Overall State and Condition

I really should have attempted to have the Charges Dismissed in front of the Judge.  Perhaps some of the Evidence.  However, I have no desire to dispute the Truth.  My problem is there is not enough of it.  Regardless of the outcome, I could almost manage that effectively right now if I was put myself back in that moment before the Judge.  I am in a better overall state mentally, it takes time but that will likely change very quickly.  I would love to type out all the chain reactions since the Port Moody Police began stepping on the property without permission, looking in windows without permission, making statements that I feel were highly ignorant.  Being arrested, forced into signing more ridiculous conditions, imposed conditions as per the judges words, then the insanity of the Bail Office and on and on, right into seeing more corruption in court particulars.  Not just things that I can generously claim to be a 'near innocent' misrepresentation by someone, or human error, but right into more people lying directly to the police themselves for reasons that...  are simply pathetic.

Anyways, more, more, more, more....  let's just keep dumping more and more and more corrupt System on someone we have nearly killed and continue putting him through things that are completely undeserved.  I could almost envision a cartoon...  a government worker, I envision her as a female (likely based on people I have interacted with), a character paging for more government stating "we need more system over here", "More System!", "Bring on more System!".  Like an order for clean up on aisle nine.   In effect, this would be someone stating we have problems created by a system that does not work, so the solution is more 'system' that does not work.  Insanity.  Almost comical from my perspective, if not a complete travesty.  No outside the box thinkers are 'permitted' to have influence, only those who are system approved, system educated, system controlled.  I keep using the word Communism, I wonder why that is? I am very open about it.  If I walk into a car and kill myself, you 'System' people are guilty of murder.  These problems are not ongoing because of the 'System', they are ongoing because of you and your lack of dedication to God.  It starts with you.  I am going to say it again - "Gas Chambers".  I testified last year that I have been murdered by the State.  I have been MURDERED in the name of Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II.  Think about that statement for a minute.  Look up the United Nations definition of Genocide.  This is no different.  You have knowingly brought about the conditions to drive someone into suicide against all Common Sense proposed and communicated to the best of my ability over and over.  Look at the Stats-Can statistics.  80 Males per week commit suicide in Canada.  I can understand multiple drivers for those statistics while looking around and seeing next to no public will to bring that to a positive change.  Feminism and Equality are a Communist FRAUD. The only way to stop the chain reaction going on my case is to stop.  In reality now that could very be something that is too little, too late.  My mother and I do not know why the police phoned here the other day.  Naturally they would not be aware of the cause and effect, but that call just added more complications.  Let's get something straight - as government workers, you have zero interest in this gene pool.  I have not even noticed an interest to serve the greater truth in all matters.  You have not and you are not helping anyone by interjecting yourselves any further.  Stay away.  My mother is free to phone you (PMPD) if she thought she needed to.   I am free to phone you.  However, I think it should done in the open, in writing which the RCMP proved time and time again to have no problem with.   If I could write what I have wanted to say my words would probably be appreciated, but I have no peace.  Now, I have lost all forward momentum.  I have been rolling backwards losing all the self-sufficiency I was coming into and... the only thing proven by anyone paid by the government is that they do not care about what is really important.  I do not mean to be defamatory, only truthful.

I am not trying to lay blame, but I have come to conclude that there are all kinds emotional states surrounding suicide.  From a momentary fleeting feeling that I am sure each of us has experienced, to going through life every single day right on the edge in complete blackness looking like a walking dead person, to all different kinds of ways that those emotions and completely sane outcomes manifest themselves to different situations in peoples lives.  I am not threatening anything, I am just saying it the way it is.  If I had a doomsday clock, on my way walking back home yesterday, that clock started flashing in red at the very top 'Extremely High Risk'.  I do not know how others deal with situations in their lives, but I go through life blocking things out that I cannot immediately control or resolve until I have the means to do so.  Sometimes, just blocking something out is the means to resolve matters and bring things to their own end.  If you are not part of the solution, you are part of the problem.  You cannot fix me, you cannot fix my situation, but you can surely remove the problems you introduce.

If you are from the government just stay away for the foresee-able future.  I have offered the best thing I can for myself, for my family, for fellow citizens and for all you System monkeys.  That is forensically writing everything out myself in chronological order in the highest, simplest detail possible for open study.  Forgiveness to everyone in a pure dedication to absolute fact.  I think this system could be improved for everyone without changing it.  Without threats to your jobs.  Without threats to your positions.  I think it could easily be greatly improved for efficiency, accuracy and morality rather easily.  Regardless if that is a waste of personal intent, there is no other Common Sense solution to fixing this problem.  Not that I see.