That would leave me exactly forty two years and eight months of age.

Not bad.  Oftentimes dipping into low points, well I do not even want to call them low points, but in succumbing to the reality of this situation being that I have been murdered by the state through injustice in a manner that even a 'doctor' described in a forensic report as cruel, suicide is a pragmatic and completely sane outcome.  I have stated this before here.  It is not a 'mental health' issue to be dealt with by prescriptions and treatments.

Dates.  Often in moments of accepting such an outcome, I find that tend to see reason to wait a few more days or another week.  Why not pick a meanful date?  Or do so at a time when the act maximises the effects?  If I wanted to walk into a car and draw attention to the Port Moody Police putting the onus where it belongs why not pick a peak day at a peak time to inconvenience the greatest number of the general public in their commute?

January 12th was such a date, my oldest brothers birthday.  His little brothers suicide right there on his very own birthday.  I actually couldn't decide if that would make him happy and serve as a gift.  Finally getting rid of his youngest brother.  Likely a life long desire rooted in his psychology from threat I posed to his childhood just by being born.  Would I just be turning these certain family members, my sister included into Sociopaths?

Then at the same time I wondered if that was cruel.  He succeeds in his game of winning, taking my life everything important to it.  I biologically cease to exist, but is it cruel of me to overshadow his birthday like that?  Does even care.  It does not appear so, however I seem to think that would bother anyone inside.  At some point they have to wake up to the reality or it all will ooze of them in different ways.

The cops too.  There was OHASHI on June 29th, almost hiding from view, looking like she couldn't face me.  Now I believe I understand the premise for her being there as I am assuming my mother was too.  That dumb cop actually persecuted the real victim and had no idea what she was doing.  She's figured it out since though, I am sure.  However, walking in front of a car there, having the PMPD respond, investigate, cover it all up as quietly as they can.  I have to ask, am I just creating more sociopaths?

There was a point in all of this but I forget.  I think the main point was that I have been fully expecting myself to just do the only real option I seem to have in a System protects the livelihoods and guilt of government employees over the lives and innocent members of the private general public.  Communism.  Anyways, I have been fully expecting to follow through and of course I didn't like the dates.

It made more sense to line things up for July 12th.  November 12th to July 12th, nice and neat on a grave marker.  Not that I will get one.  I have been extremely lucky to come across just enough resources to skimp along making it to this date which I shouldn't have, but now that date is here, I seem to have forgotten the practical reasons to follow through with it all.  This almost an ongoing cycle for me that has no chance of improving.

No one wants it to improve for me.  They just want their same desired outcomes which is best suited to themselves having the effect of unjustly leaving me in this position.  Which again today has left me not able to follow this with any last words/actions that were on my mind so clearly if I was to follow through.   I suppose a lack of proper sleep plays into that.

Anyways, regardless of what happens, even my friends who take the time to access my situation and the systemic responses completely agree that this is murder.  The most disgusting part is that 'professional' people in government jobs actually helped polarise a mother into killing her own innocent son.  That is disgusting.  I know for a fact this was not a desired outcome on my mother's part.

No one cares.  Action Speaks than Words.  I have been murdered by the state.