I wake up early as I often do, except this morning I am very tired.  My head hurts, I continue to sleep on the couch continually woken as the two living in the apartment get up and go about their day, coming and going.  I somewhat think back to all the long treks I made to Churches on past Sundays.  The idea crossed my mind for today, but at the same time I am shaking my head at the prior attempts.  Educational, Memorable, but I never had received what I truly went for.

Eventually I get up, my friends roommate is up.  I ask him if my friend still has a problem and if it had anything to do with me being locked out the other night.  Well he confirmed it.  My friend knew I was there buzzing to be let in the other night and then was told that I know what he's like.  He and his girlfriend making issues over nothing and that it is just best just to ignore those two.

I thought if I had the money, I'd buy him a half sack of beer or smokes to butter him up, but I just do not have it.  Speaking of which, both are asking if I am working which makes me wonder if they'll want a hand in my pocket.  If that's the case, it defeats the whole purpose of me working and staying there.  I just need to level out before court, in peace, coffee, smokes, internet and a clear mind.  I might actually be better off in the shelter, I do not know.

Anyways, that stupid game of not letting me in had wiped me out tired the first night before my first day of work.  The first day of work in ten months.  I was really unhappy they did that as it made sluggish and fuzzy.  People do not realize just how much they can set someone back with trivial junk.  The other night my friend, my associate was making negative comments about my computer why I am always on it.  I have never made a single comment about him drinking himself poor and broke each night.  I would rather do what I try to do.  People do not comprehend, the same at the shelter.  They just do not comprehend.

After a guest came over and a few more distractions I realized my pounding head was not going to get any better.  I went out for a cup of coffee and I sat in the park waiting for the library to open.  So much of my time is wasted just continually waiting for someone, or something else.  With a numb fingers, my two external fingers on my right hand, I post to HeadsTogether and check Facebook.  I am not clear headed and I am doubting that I will be able to write a follow up letter to the Psychiatrist regarding physical health and mental health.  The things I should have stated.  I wanted to do that in the least.

Rather than head to the Salvation Army for a free meal, I decide to try the Chinese Restaurant that advertises $5.99 lunches.  They are to be good I hear, except I must have the wrong restaurant as nothing is actually $5.99.  Again, for the first time in a long time, I feel human.   I am in a real restaurant, a cheap one at that, but a real restaurant.  I order the cheapest thing I can get, a very large lunch for $12.

Satisfied, I walked back to the Library.  Same thing.  I suffer problems getting on the internet.  I cannot pull everything I wanted to write for the doctor, which may be irrelevant and too late now, so I decide to log the last few days by writing this post along with the previous days.  I have to keep them hidden because if my friend reads them while I stay at his place it will just cause more reverberation.  I cannot capture all of the tiny rocks in my path, but I am hoping to write enough to express what everyday is like.  What can I do in twenty minutes from home, can take two or more days, if I can do it at all.  If you knew all of my thoughts, accomplishing them is pretty tough odds.

It's Sunday, my head is not clear so now I decide to leave the library and walk out into the park.  Here I lie on the grass, close my eyes and rest.  If I am lucky I can clear my mind and not get mugged laying there.  Before the library closes, not knowing where I can go, I decide to head back inside for the last hour of internet access and electricity.  Same thing, I cannot connect to the internet.  Who ever administers these Networks, it is either time to upgrade your overpriced licensing or invest in new hardware as this is ridiculous for a Public Library.

I get to write a little, look up possible causes to my numb fingers and I remember more medical problems.  Unhealthy looking urine.  That began, or at least I noticed it within the first month at the Shelter.  I figure it is either from my body absorbing all the drugs in that environment, the soap that was continually in the coffee from lazy staff, the food which had far too much sugar (the drug addicts require it), perhaps an infection from these people or the effects of extreme stresses on my body.  I used to have sharp hard pains in my abdomen.  Then there is also this remembrance of feeling like I was going through a slow extensive lobotomy five and six months ago while dealing with my immediate circumstances.

Well, maybe I can still write the doctor if I can internet.  Or at least I can prepare.  I have moments of roughing a condensed form of what I would state.  I go off to the coffee shop from yesterday, but they are closed.  Off to Tim Hortons and I pass the young guy who was a dink to everyone in jail.  Nope, I do not have cigarettes I tell him.  Inside Tim Hortons, there's a line up and I suddenly recall that there is no power there.  In leaving Tim Hortons, he tried me again, panhandling, telling me this is his first time on the streets.  He looks like he is using drugs and obviously did not get my message.  Both of us are in the same boat, I am in no different of a position.

Ok what now?  The Airforce / Navy Veterans Club.  They are good to me there, but then I stop and realize what I want to do is impossible in that environment as they are all old drunks.  Everyone just wants to socialize and it never works.  I tried writing her Majesty the Queen from there back in January.  I was disappointed that the membership was not more approachable to my needs, as with my thinking at the time, who else to help serve Justice, Truth, Integrity and the Nation but Veterans?  Do you know what is funny?  The Staff on hand, thought I was an Inspector.  They were nervous.  Just as nervous as the drug addicts at Shelter.  For they both thought I was undercover.

Ok, where can I go...  Starbucks, that's right.  They have WiFi.  I remember seeing one in the other mall and suddenly it's my lucky day.  I only have to walk half as far as I see a little one in small plaza across the street.  Personally, I really dislike Starbucks.  Sure enough they have what I need but my last sentence is reconfirmed.  The Staff are too yuppy, they are too loud as are the customers, the music is far too loud, the table is far too small and it wobbles.  Overpriced junk.  All I can do is write this very post and climatize.

At this point again, I am losing the point of trying to write the doctor a follow up letter, I am also losing all the things I had in mind for court.  I am really the type of person who needs an office at his command.  One in privacy.  I have not had that since I had left home.  I have had hodgepodge offices here and there, but nothing to truly organize and do what I want to do.  Nevertheless, where there is the Will, there is the Way.  I just have to settle and let it all come back to me again.

It's Father's Day.

Perhaps I should take a break and think about my own Father.  Maybe that is exactly what I need as I often think this is what everything is about.  The Father, the Son and the Spirit.  I think about him often actually.