Wake up in the Shelter, I am tired but thankful to be awake in time. I get up, put away my bedding and stress over the decision of leaving early to wait in the cold and meet my friend as he is likely early, or to wait for food and coffee at the shelter. Sometimes food and coffee comes early but not this morning, especially as we are asked not to touch anything until they finished setting everything up. As soon as we are permitted I quickly make a bowl of oatmeal, put some yogurt containers in my pocket and grab a fruit drink. Certainly not enough food if I was working at full pace, but better than nothing.
Sure enough, I walk up a few minutes early and there’s my friend he’s been sitting there waiting as the early riser he is. I have not seen in him almost two decades. He looks good, getting a bit older, but he looks good. My mind is on things I’ve been thinking about towards court and the psychiatrist the other day. I am completely out of touch with the world of Drywall, Contracting and all the multitude of dynamics. As my friend shares his world with me I am having a hard time even bringing my mind onto things that should just click. I have been out of the industry and absorbed elsewhere for too long.
I am proud to see how well my friend has been doing for himself, it’s a bit lowering to be in this position. After a long drive into work, we stop on a beautiful street built in the 1950’s, near the University of British Columbia, a street with very few houses. It is beautiful there and very quiet as many houses sit empty purchased by foreign owners. To me it is surreal as it has been almost a year since I have worked. It almost feels like another lifetime. The freedom and fun of traveling to jobs like this, the enjoyment it can bring.
Once we begin work, I am reminded of all the things that can go so wrong. Showing up on site without proper tools, supplies, etc. One tiny mistake can really ruin not only this day, but several days as you never truly make up time. We are finish sanding. No one likes finish sanding, especially when it is someone else’s work. I am a very particular finisher as my whole dedication throughout a job is seek the highest efficiency at finishing a job with no call backs, no complaints, and most importantly, the least amount of sanding. I am rather slow to find any kind of groove, but I note one thing that has not changed, he still works the way he did, and I still work the way I did. Complete opposites.
Normally, something like this would drag me down and frustrate me enough to refuse to want to work, but it has been almost a year. I am thankful towards my friend. His system works well for him and mine for me. I note throughout an unproductive day that my muscles are not there, my needed callouses for gripping tools are gone, and these two outer numb fingers on my right hand are really bothering me as I work. I am not thinking about it, but if this problem persists it’s not going to be good for my mental health.
It’s Saturday, it’s an easy day for me just as I needed but I am finding that as I must converse, my mind is drifting further and further away from my own needs. That being to stay in peace and keep in thought towards the things I was thinking about with the Psychiatrist and Court. On being dropped off, I have a new problem I had formerly feared. My one pair of clothes that I am down to are getting dirty, my shoes are covered in drywall dust, this will only worsen and amplify my problems as I will into people who complain about dust being tracked, the work of keeping clean and the downward mental health, the downward spiral of problems that this brings. The solution is either to work more, to earn the money to start solving problems working brings, new shoes, vinyl gloves, additional clothing to pack and wash and the list starts growing the further I go, taking me further and further away from Legal needs.
Residence
On being dropped off, I find that I am still locked out of the apartment. My associate that is allowing me to sleep on the couch is being ridiculous. I am suddenly reminded of my cousin and the control he abused intentionally damaging my life. I am somewhat miserable with my associate as I am assuming he is locking me out on purpose. This without having the decency to say something to my face and giving my second bag back. A duffle bag full of court documents, evidence, electronic gear and some toiletries. Even though the lights and tv are on in the apartment, I realize that I am just assuming that this is all intentional.
I walk to a coffee I much like. The new owner is happy to introduce herself and we speak. She teaches me things about where she is from, Persia. I met her husband, he is the nice man who gave me a cigarette the other day. Nice people. I seem to get along best with the young waitress as her English just flows with mine. Here I enjoy a nice cup of coffee and I avoid splurging on pie or anything else unnecessary.
Seeing that I was locked out the apartment, here I have to plug my laptop in so it can finish it’s Windows Updates I had mistakenly started. This took four hours preventing me from writing, checking any communications and I even deemed allowing the updates to finish more important than securing a bed. I cannot risk damaging the software on my computer by turning the machine off half way through. At 10:00pm, when the updates are done I change locations to another restaurant. I order a small meal hoping to at least catch up online.
My internet signal is weak and facebook is really slow, frustrating me, especially since people have again sent me a junk video by private message. That bothers me and I have to make a post to all my friends to stop doing that. My private messages and emails are the only means I have for communicating car rides, work, money… I do not want to waste my time trying to access an unnecessary junk message that someone is simply too insecure to share in front of all of my friends. Post, say whatever you want on my feed I really do not mind, just not in private messages.
Now it’s late, I head back to the apartment. Are they going to let me in? I do not know. If they do not, it is too late for a bed at the Salvation Army. That means I am literally sleeping on the street and that I will too wiped out to complete my plans for the next day. One buzz and the door opens. Ok I am in! Good. I pass my friend in the hallway, he’s off to his girlfriends next door, he doesn’t say much other than a grumpy hello.
Once inside the apartment, his roommate fires up a movie and I realize that I may as well watch it. I may as well just enjoy a night for a change. I have already forgotten what time it was, not realizing that by the time the movie is over I will have stayed far too late. Every day is different, but everyday is literally this unproductive to my needs. I cannot write and communicate my needs legally for court, or even put down my thoughts that I want to share to the psychiatrist in a follow up letter. Every day for six or seven months has literally been like this.