God's Church or Bureaucratic Buloney ?
From: Dan Berladyn <dberladyn@gmail.com> Sent: March 9, 2018 11:04 PM To: 'PASTOR' <PASTOR@gmail.com> Subject: RE: PSR
Hi,
I do not have an email address for her, I cannot just simply give it to her, as I have no printer. I didn’t even think of it at the time. Please understand that I do not have the energy or the internal capacity to be jumping through hoops for other people. I do not know how to explain that enough. Furthermore, the more I explain, the more people start assuming and making decisions. Look at what just happened with her. Everything I need to do for myself, I have literally been crippled from doing. Everything. Even writing my lawyer, which I have intended and been trying to do for two months. I have not been able to do that. Simple task right? It has not happened because of all the constant distractions. The drugs, the threats, the assaults, the drama, the noise (plenty from staff too), the lack of sleep, running out of money, running out of cigarettes, going to the bail office and keeping a mind on all of that and everything that is said, and all the things that I am listening for going on in the background with forensics and other entities. Then there is Social Assistance, and the hiccups with them. Friends lending money and screwing that up because I get too sick from the flu to send an email payment, [BLANKED] continually making offers and deals for work that never comes through and always changes in scope and yeah…. that’s another story.
Just constant distraction from things I need to do for myself. One of those is settling in peace and determining my own answers, I cannot do that when I have all these people wanting this simple task, wanting these explanations… and on and on and on. I suppose this sound very trivial, but it’s the last thing I need. You’re great, I didn’t think I was leaving you a good impression, but you are in my good books. No issues. Same with [BLANKED]. I like her by the way she’s nice. Anyways, I need PEACE to process things. Things like the conversations with the Bail Office. Please realize that if I am not careful I will have other people making my decisions for me. I cannot have that as I am the one who has to live with those decisions. As it is, I do not feel like there is enough time anymore, too much has passed with no progress. I have more reason to be extremely weary of getting thrown into the wrong office at the wrong time than people realize. I do not need to battling a judge over a wrong doctor. I feel like it just insanity. It’s so simple, I am exhausted and I have been through so much stress in the past, I cannot take much of it anymore.
I need a bed, a desk, peace and some privacy, from there I need to start moving forwards as I find my answers within me. I need that without further stresses, adjustments and burdens.
Writing this email, I suppose that I am making it more complicated than it needs to be, but even this taking too much out of me. The ICMT guy I told you about, as I am writing I note an email from him. Why is he writing me? I see the first line… I haven’t opened it yet, but why? We had said “X” and now I get “Z”. I was going to right him too today and a part of me wanted to tell him where to go. But see, I cannot even have the rest to determine if that is correct, never mind draw the energy without distraction in the timeslots allotted to share my words. If I could rest, get sleep, have peace, be able to use my laptop at my convenience… I could probably stay on top of my internal backlog and maybe him doing this would not be a problem. My lawyer is not the only person I wanted to write, there were several people and several things. Including the Judge, which may or may not be a good idea.
Anyways, I was told something at the Bail Office today and it just kind of led to a thought that… since I signed certain papers, too much information is being shared. When this all started I tried to separate and compartmentalize everyone to be cut off from each other. I was thinking about that today… I had told Mental Health that they were not allowed to talk to the police, then somehow I ended up with a “doctor” who the police wanted me to see, who just happened to… push everything in a direction that… served… guess who?I am exhausted, I really think this Salvation Army should put me on the other side under a “loose” program of some sort of self betterment without burdening me further, at least until court in June. I am exhausted, my eyes hurt, my contacts have not been out since October and your staff is way too loud.
Sorry, I wrote too much,
Dan
From: [PASTOR]<PASTOR@gmail.com> Sent: March 9, 2018 6:00 PM To: Dan Berladyn <dberladyn@gmail.com> Cc: [PASTOR] <PASTOR@saridgemeadows.com> Subject: Re: PSR
Thanks for sharing.
Why did you not give this to [BLANKED]
She said she asked you just for a letter from a Dr.
On Fri, Mar 9, 2018, 11:27 AM Dan Berladyn, <dberladyn@gmail.com> wrote:
Hi [PASTOR],
I know with more sleep or better timing, many of my personal conversations would be better. Anyways, I have lost a lot of respect for this place after that interview last night. I am going to give you this page of from a PSR last year. You do not have to understand it, but seeing this ‘doctor’ was highly damaging to my own internal drive and my own internal truth. I am not going through that again for this place. This is suppose to be a Church, a place of Salvation, not a place that endorses Corrupt Practices.
Dan