I pretty much lost all my Faith shortly posting the last post. Reality. No one is going to help me. If you want to help, you may send a Bank Transfer to: dberladyn@gmail.com
I didn't mean to say that, but it needs to be said. What I mean to say is that you have no idea how it feels to go two months without a phone. Then to suffer for a month just to buy a used one in a deal that takes an entire day to complete the transaction. Riding buses all over town, etc. In reality, several days as I had made the trip on different attempts only to have the seller sell the phone before my arrival. All of this only to end up putting the phone in my side coat pocket, sit down and have the screen crack internally. Unknowingly to me, the phone slipped between the steel bands which make up the city park bench. I bent the phone when I moved.
You have no idea how it feels to be doing something that you shouldn't have to be doing if all those people paid to help you actually helped you. Or in the reverse, if the system actually worked the way it should and it was not full of useless politics and bureaucracy. Believe me, I really do not like blaming people. I should doing be the opposite, boosting them up and encouraging them. Thanking them.
All day yesterday I literally could not do anything. Same thing today. This is continuous. By the time I am able to function and use the internet, or use my computer, I've lost the track of thought that was important to me. I am running anywhere between four and thirty hours in delay on most tasks, that is if I can complete any of them at all. Internally, I am burned out in a way most people probably would not understand.
I remember the judge citing 'complicated case'. Yeah, it's not really that complicated, it's just that you criminals removed any means of being able to deal with anything independently. You removed all Common Sense. You even took my livelihood and prevented any sane means of earning my living. Especially any means that didn't cripple my future or bring more harm to my person. This in your bid to use the Justice System as a cover for controlled predetermined outcomes.
So here I am wandering aimlessly really wanting (needing) a cigarette and thinking of all the things I could say to Mike Clay. The most popular web page on my website - the Port Moody Mayor. Here I am reading his biography on the City Webpage. In many ways he's like me, a LifeLong Resident and he still lives in the same house he was born into.
The difference though is that he is not like me. He's on the government payroll. He is on the police board. He is on the homeless board. He enjoys all these extra curricular activities that I never had the time, energy or money for. Here I am, a lifelong resident, who worked hard, who worked honest, who did the right thing by his parents, only to be murdered his own police force helping to unjustly enrich my siblings. The same police force who to this day is violating my Charter of Rights - violating my Freedom of Expression.
Enough of this, I put the phone away and accidentally break it. Can you imagine how this feels? Cheaply make junk, all meant to expire in order to continue the demand for replacement. A stressor for everyone, but tenfold when you are prevented from working, sorting out your affairs and denied your own home. State sanctioned murder. If you disagree, they just send you to psychiatrists and tell everyone your crazy.
There is so much I have wanted to say, do and write. Just a moment ago I was thinking about the Mental Healthcare Workers. Those people who did not serve me when I tried, but whom served themselves when they tried. Of course, I was never able to write and explain all of that here but... I was thinking it's been six months. I had the thought that unless these posts were flowing each and everyday like I intended when I had things to say, then you people haven't done your jobs.
Cigarettes. That would be the start before anything else. Stabilization. When you have been as stressed as I have, for the durations that I have, smoking at the levels that I have continuously... believe me. I went to different doctors six months ago knowing this was life and death for me... I did my part exhausted, unable to find someone capable of filling out the Paperwork which is really, an actual Booklet. A Booklet of Bureaucracy creating government jobs to ensure no one is ripping the System off. The thing is, most who make it through and actually collect - they actually admit it. All they are doing is playing a game to collect the money and not work.
I would have been been better off just to write my needs here than waste my energy talking to a 'doctor'. People, who in the end who didn't know how to fill out forms or had simply expected another doctor to take care of it or excused themselves with other excuses. Forcing me, someone in desperate need and near suicide, to try again to the same avail with someone else. Rinse and repeat, run around like an idiot to all these different offices to justify other peoples existence. Communism.
Bail Conditions? Having to see these doctors and these social workers have caused more negative stimulus, compounding issues, set backs and lost direction than any substance I am not to consume by Court Order. How messed up is that? No one is going to help me, if you want to help please send a Bank Transfer to: dberladyn@gmail.com