[embed]https://dan.berladyn.online/rec/180530_1507.mp3[/embed]

Waking with a headache, poor sleep combined with my continued luck, my friend had the day off work.  This crippled my morning.  If he had gone as usual I would have had the peace to sort myself out.  I am in the dependency of his Charity, his living room.

From here, after a few things, I headed to the Salvation Army for lunch unsure whether they are going to like a posts and recordings about them here or not.  Sure enough, there is no lunch until people volunteer to do dishes.  Same old same old.  Upon entering what do I see?  Capable young men, capable bodies laying around wasted from the drugs they are consuming.  No one is going to do dishes.  I cannot afford the energy and distraction, but I may as well or I am wasting time that I do not have waiting around to eat.

Community Lunch means a lot of dishes needing to be washed.  Funny, if I really need something from a Staff Member I am told I am not allowed in the kitchen.  Not even for a  five second conversation.  However, if I am to do dishes I am left inside there all alone.  Anyways, I did the dishes with a really nice guy from the Island who was just too slow at keeping the machine running non-stop.  I gave it an hour and a half, then I left because this was the last place I needed to be.  I wanted to formulate some thoughts for the Bail Office and write them down.  I don't even have paper and believe me, it's not easy finding a few truly suitable pieces for my needs with no money.

Enter the Bail Office

"Couch Surfing" - isn't that a popular expression in those Offices.  Unheard of to me until my first Probation Officer said it as if it was a regular, trendy thing to do.  Insulting beyond belief first hearing those words.  I suppose today I am better adjusted to it, but even at that it shows you.  They are both in the habit of destroying people and in the habit of working with unstable people.  Which came first I ask you?  Of course I am forgetting, the Crown's purpose is not to instill Rights, but to take them away.

What I am trying to say is what I have been saying all along.  I have even stated it very well in the Courtroom only to be dismissed by the Judge.  He didn't know how to respond, 'I do not know, maybe the Supreme Court' he suggested with his arms in the air.  What I have been saying, what I am saying, is that the only way out of this for me is to be at home.  To have all my property returned (Mark BERLADYN) along with whatever my siblings stole.  To be home with all of my property to Forensically write the history.  The only way to deal with all the multiple matters at all once.  That is the only way to deal with all of the different Legal aspects.

Healthwise, the only way out of this is to be at home.  The place that heals me - Naturally.  The only place I can physically function with the lowest possible stressors (aside from my siblings).  The only place I can function with efficiency in every manner you can imagine.  My contact lenses which have not been out in six months (my eyes), my skin , my oral health, my lungs, my sleeping..   everything...  doing what the 'System' did just made my existing problems ten times worse.  Oh yeah, now I have two fingers that are continually numb most of the time from having to carry my laptop and a change of clothes with me.  My hands make me my honest living, I have to wonder if there is permanent nerve damage.

Workwise, re-organizing my tools, finishing setting up my truck, everything surrounding work, including work itself.  The only place to do that is at home.  You people and even many in my trade are clueless.  You have no idea how much 'career' damage and long term destructive limitations have been placed on my person by not being home.  After twenty five years, at my age, at the all the diversity of my work, at the flexibility levels that I need...  the health I was in when the Port Moody Police took it upon themselves to decide I shouldn't live there any longer...

Personal Property, I've been literally denied access to my personal property for over two years.  I cannot sell it, I cannot use it.  I have bought four sets of hair clippers since being thrown out.  Four.  Do you know how painful that is nearly penniless?  Never mind laundry, my bed, my clothing.  Never mind items like a desk, or all the very expensive things that grease my wheels and take both the work and the cost out of living/working.  Never mind my Office Equipment worth more than many peoples cars.

Denying the above for over two years, you murdered me.  I cannot even begin to explain it all using the right words so you would understand just how much damage you brought me.  If I was to leave, I should have been able to finish setting myself up so I could survive, but that decision to force me out should have not been made in the manner it was.  What the police literally did was to walk into shop and kick out the operator right then and there on the spot - on false grounds to boot.  Lightly laughing over it, just start over... you are young, you can do it... without a clue.  Then that same Officer gets an Award.  What a crock - it was no wonder he had RCMP to watch over him being in my vicinity several months later.

My Father always tried to be good father and he was a Good Father.  I had the idea of what I wanted to write in a letter.  He would always tell me to be a Man.  He would always to me to do the Right thing.  He insisted that I respected women.  He would say such things as you are a better man if you do not fight.  He was good person.  Once again, he would never do this to me, he would never intentionally block my Future by denying my needs.  He would certainly not stand for this.  Before he passed, he was concerned that this kind of thing would happen.

In January or so, I was going to write one final letter before committing suicide.  I was going to address it to her Majesty the Queen and explain it to her.  I was unable to do that under the conditions I was in.  The further I fell down at the Shelter, the more I was berated, threatened and assaulted by the 'Clients'.  The insanity of it all, people accusing and threatening someone already trying to prepare for suicide, thus preventing his ability to follow through with it.

In the continual them of trying to reconfigure my plans, for the last month or so I have I wanted to write her Majesty again, addressing the letter to other parties as well.   These other parties being the Judge, MP's, MLA's, Family Members, including my Mother (which would be the Breach of current Bail Conditions).  Heaven forbid I write my own mother while everyone else with unjust & misguided intent is free to manipulate, coerce and guide her into killing to her son.

In that letter I would say... and of course, I cannot write it all now either, I am too exhausted and when the words are there, I do not have access to my computer without distraction.. without rest.. without food.. without cigarettes..  and I continually have people wanting to waste my energy exclusively talking to them completely naive to the fact that they only pollute my mind and clog my own processes, tainting my own conscious.

It never ends there though, there is always all of the unexpected stresses hitting my person from this situation.  My person, my being, which almost dropped dead from stress...

  4.00s In Service of her Majesty the Queen - I do not mean to say 'forced', I mean to say everyone should do this voluntarily as an honour to her Majesty the Queen, as a Tribute to her years of Service. [caption id="attachment_40459" align="aligncenter" width="840"] Queen Elizabeth II during a visit to Canada House at Trafalgar Square, central London, to celebrate Canada's 150th anniversary of Confederation.[/caption] 4.20s - Lawyer - ...  

5:25s Full blown Over Emergency - I do not like speaking vocally as I pain with the choices of words, but it's been a lot longer than six months.  I have basically been in that state for years, not six months.  The only thing that really eases it, is turning all the switches off and not thinking about it directly.

However, I cannot go the rest of my life like this, the reality of what has been taken is too much, after going through too much as it was.  I should not be on Welfare in a Homeless Shelter, or on friends couches, this is ridiculous.  It should have never happened the way it did.