Well, as per the usual game plan, it was either the Library after 10:00am, the Shelter Cafeteria after 10:00am, or the Park with unhindered internet access. Each comes with their respective limitations.
Today I chose the library as I intended to visit the Bail Office which is nearby. Wanting to be back at the shelter for lunch at 12:00pm, I wasn’t really able to accomplish anything. Just the Bail Office visit. This is the same old cycle, over and over. Do you see why many visits back I was trying to explain that recording those visits and posting them online was really the only means I had to advance my situation?
If try to find a place now, the adjustments and further strains from all the changed dynamics will only set me back and mix me up further before court. If I meet more 'Mental Health' people for 'help' they are all just the same. More stirring, more problems, more issues, more Mental unHealth. It's very simple, dump money into me. Park me in a Motel close to food. Put me at home with an allowance. No Paper. No commitment. No Meetings. Stay Away.
Unlike what I stated in the audio, I do remember what I was doing this weekend. The same thing as usual, trying to feed my tobacco addiction with no money while at the same time trying to settle my mind and write all the things I have needed to say in another letter. A letter addressed to various parties and in doing so even possibly even breaching the Court Order for very good reasons.
Anyways, soon I will have a bit of pocket money. I can buy some new shoes which are disintegrating, socks and tobacco. From there, I can try again to find some peace and listen to myself to see what’s truly important for the situation at this point in time with all the variables given. Of course, now I am sick with a head cold, I am suffering from a lack of sleep that I may not catch up on and who knows what negative external variables I have been inviting from the local community.
As it is, after lunch one of the nastiest females, an amazon beast of a woman with an attitude, stormed outside of the shelter cafeteria in her own wreck-less rage and threw her really heavy handbag at the wall, just missing my head. This all had nothing to do with me. Nothing except her lack of respect in choosing to do it within my vicinity. Although she’s kept to herself for a month or so, she’s another person that I have had absolutely nothing but problems with. This while never partaking in personal interaction with her. A nasty person.
To the Officer that watched me walk through red light in the crosswalk on the way here... I knew you were there. I even knew the light was not in my favour. I looked both ways, I wasn't impeding traffic and once I entered the crosswalk I realized what I did wrong. It felt dumb even though I didn't impede anyone, I am just tired today. When I looked over to you watch me I wondered... I wondered if you knew anything of me as I recalled my words written in an email to one of your co-workers last night.
Anyways... maybe I will go an backwrite yesterdays day. There's not much else I can do in this tired state.