I was just finishing lunch, I have things on my mind that I need to do, I am now out of cigarettes and I am passed this number. I am happy to have the attention, but... at the same time I do not want a repeat of the same cycle over and over. It's inexcusable. I am referring to what happened with ICMT Mark.
Which again, is just like the last week which is still carrying on into this week (I am referring to the Psychiatric Nurse and the Salvation Army). I need my mind for me, not for these people. When I phone Benny's number, I hear an answering machine stating that he will be out of the office until February 19th. I am sure that I have done the same with similar messages, but this long overdue answering machine message reminds me of a guy I used to work with. I used to think of him as all thumbs.
Now I am grumpy as I make my way to the Library, because it seems I have to re-engage everything I did with ICMT Mark. This is almost too risky for me at the this stage of the game as I only open myself up to another person screwing up things in my life, for something that I should not have to be repeating. As I am walking I think of exactly what I want to say, that being that I do not want to know you, I do not want to hear your opinion, I do not want to be your friend, I do not even want to meet you.
I do not have the time for you people. You (ICMT) had your chance and you blew it. You can afford it, I cannot. If you want to help me, supply me with cigarettes - no questions asked. Two packs a day of Tailormades would be ideal. Perhaps excessive, but ideal. You want to help further supply me with coffee. I do not even want to hear your opinion. If you want to help me those are my immediate needs.
Next, if you want to keep helping me you can pick up where ICMT Mark screwed up. You can get me a place within a two block radius of the Salvation Army. Internet Access, a Shower, a laundry machine would be great, a bed and a desk. I do not have time to readjust. Formerly, I did not have the health to make another adjustment that only adds further stresses to my being,
These are my immediate needs for the things that are the most important to me in the next two months. Longer term, I do not have time to explain it to you. Those are my needs and quite frankly there is no need to meet you. There is no need to discuss anything. I do not drink. I do not do drugs. I need psychological peace.
Of course in my mind I was much harsher in these thoughts and arriving at the library beginning to type, in comes Benny's reply.
Hi Dan,
I just received your voicemail and wanted to follow up with an email as you requested.
A couple of months ago you completed a referral application to our team (Maple Ridge/Pitt Meadows ICM Team) with support from a Probation Officer, Corinna Hooten. I am contacting you to follow up on this application.
I am wondering if it would be possible to arrange a time/place to meet so that I can get to know you and ask you some questions that will help to determine your eligibility for our program? Please let me know if there is a time/place where you would be comfortable to meet.
Benny
(the rest of his signature cut for his privacy)
Well, I feel less frustrated now.. this probably looks ridiculous to others, placing this much online without even meeting someone, I just need my mind and what limited time I have for myself. Also, with no cigarettes... I am liable to chew his head off if he does something to cause me a psychological disturbance.
This is my life. These are my issues. I do not need to be tainted or pulled down or led astray by other people. That has happened so much now... maybe most do not understand it, but it actually affected the most important response I could have given on the witness stand (other peoples influences).
And naturally my response, before I move on to my prior task. Which.. I don't know.
Hi Benny,
Thank you for your prompt reply. I may make you very uncomfortable in doing this, but I am doing this primarily for efficiency as I need my limited time and my very limited resources for myself. At the moment, unless you can fill the needs suggested on this page – you are of no benefit to me.
https://dan.berladyn.online/2018/05/07/icmt-benny/
Thank you again for the prompt email,
Dan
Then his next reply.
Hi Dan,
Thank you for bringing to my attention the outdated message on my voicemail, I really appreciate the feedback and have now updated the recording.
The needs you have suggested on your page are cigarettes, coffee and housing within 2 blocks of the Salvation Army that has internet, a shower, a laundry, a bed and a desk.
Unfortunately we do not have the funding to support you with cigarettes or coffee.
Regarding your housing request, that is something that we may be able to accommodate. While we can not guarantee the availability of housing within your parameters, if you were accepted onto our team we would make every effort to support you in finding market housing that fits your needs and preferences (such as the ones your described).
That said, we would still need to meet and conduct the eligibility assessment that I described in order to determine if you would meet the criteria mandated for our team. If you would like to proceed with the referral screening process please let me know and I would be happy to set up a time to meet with you.
Regards,
Benny
And my final reply, which believe it or not, between him and the Bail Office, consumed my entire day.
That's right Benny, Cigarettes.
That's right Benny, two block radius.
After that I have to start thinking of the new taxing stresses, distractions, adjustments, food, internet access, the energy and peace of mind wasted walking to the Bail Office so that they can keep me Psychologically tied down and occupied in order to prevent me from determining what is the most important thing to the core of my Being and building a proper reply to a crooked Court System over matters that you completely fuck up by just communicating with me. Who prompted you to contact me?
An eligibility assessment to determine if I meet the criteria of justifying your job. Guess what? You do not even meet the criteria of intensive care to my person. Here's the deal Benny, do not contact me again unless you have a place meeting the criteria you can walk me right into. Unless you are dropping off cigarettes in my name at the Salvation Army. Unless you have convinced FraserHealth to dig into its pockets and fund the help I have been asking for over a year.
Help by means of granting everything I need to be put back to my January 2016 status and financed to chronologically write out the history so I can show what is actually needed to make a policing / mental health / judicial system work as it should. Otherwise you are just part of the Communist Entity that helped put me here in the first place.
I've been murdered. If you cannot give me what I need please stay away from me. I would actually rather walk in front of a car and kill myself than accept anymore help that is detrimental to my person.
I might sound like an ass here, but I somewhat need to be. Even as I am adding this line a day after the original post, there's a guy who is drunk yelling across the room and some young woman blasting rap out of her phone and personal speaker as she spreads her drama around the shelter.