[audio mp3="https://dan.berladyn.online/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/180405_1528.mp3"][/audio]
The last visitor to this website before entering was from Ottawa.
Bail Officer – Asks me how I am.Myself – Surprisingly I am rested, or better rested.
Bail Officer – “There is a sign there that says no recording.”
Myself – “I looked for that sign the last time, I didn’t see it.”
Bail Officer – “You have something to read.” as he notes me holding a small notebook open.
Myself – “My Mother testified in Court that she hoped I could get all the help I needed. If you listen to the recordings, my Mother loves me, she said so. As an Officer of the Courts, I must inform you that I have conferred with my Primary Doctor, my Primary Counsellor, my Primary Psychologist and my Primary Psychiatrist. My immediate health needs are unchanged. I need to be returned home with all of my files and possessions so that I may fix myself by forensically writing out the history. I have come to conclude that in order to fix myself, I have to fix the System.”
Bail Officer – asks if he can have contact information for these doctors.
Myself – “I have stated this before in this Office, but I have never given it in writing. Here, I will write the contact information for you.” as I accept a piece of paper from him, I state while writing “G - O - D. God.”
Bail Officer – he had a certain look on his face and had went on to speak of the judge and if the judge would be, had been, understanding of that and if I had changed my mind about the Bail Conditions.
Myself – I explained that Canada recognizes the Supremacy of God, it is the very first line of the Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms. It is the very first thing you read.
Bail Officer – Began speaking of writing the Judge and asking for the Bail Conditions to be changed.
Myself – I went on to explain how I have wanted to do that, but in the place that I am staying, it has been impossible. I tried to explain that he likely has never stayed in such and environment and therefore he likely has no idea of what it is like.
The Bail Officer – concluded the meeting by stating he would see me by the xxx.
Myself – “What day is that? “
Bail Officer – “Wednesday”
Myself – “Thank you for that”, as I came to assume that the Office is beginning to take steps to help improve my mental health and my overall situation. In leaving, I had felt good about the meeting, along with good thoughts towards him.
The Walk Back
I was kicking myself on the walk back, I did it again. ‘Whereas Canada is founded upon principles that recognize the Supremacy of God’. I had stated, Canada recognizes the Supremacy of God. Twice over I have done that. It pains me to make such mistakes, but either way the intended message is the same. Having arrived back to the ‘Church of Salvation’, with internet that is apparently shut off (no access for myself), programs such as my audio program and my email refusing to open, this seems so suspect. Instead of being able to write my natural thoughts like I immediately want to do, I am blocked which makes me question the powers that be.
Never mind that however, I am over it. My initial words lost yet again. He, like most Canadians, does not seem to understand the Charter of Rights and Freedoms, nor with the expression on his face – understand God. At least this is my (perhaps ignorant?) thinking in this very moment. With those thoughts, I am realizing that I should have no shame in this. I should be confident in what I speak of. I should not find myself rattled, self-doubting, shy, unsure. I should speak slowly and softly, with great-effect.
This was something I was thinking of on the walk back. I would have handled conversing so much better in this regard twenty years ago. I did not have the life experience back then to have any true convictions, I did not have the positive self verification to understand the world, but I did have the Wisdom found in really-good mentoring. I understood how to listen to my own being, how to allow the words to just flow in complete trust that that they would arrive correctly just as I needed them. I have friends who can speak to this, often wanting myself to re-find it without they themselves understanding the process. Having said that, perhaps most people do not as there is a certain self discipline one must find and follow for it to happen.
Yesterday
This is hard on me. Yesterday, I was still recovering from the lack of sleep and the emotional turmoil of the stresses I find in my position. Amy, bless her soul, wanted to talk about my stay here, my allotment of time and the fact that I was to be booked out. This for me was very bad timing because I was searching for the peace to share these words above with this Bail Office. The words I spoke today, I did not get them all out in the manner intended, but I am Ok with that.
Anyways, yesterday instead of being able to keep my mind on the Bail Office and dropping into Mental Health for Services, just recovering, I found myself being stressed about losing the tiny bit of stability that I have. Getting over that, finally coming to a mental clearing, feeling good with myself and wanting to put my mind onto today, I find another Employee, God bless her Soul, stating the same thing as she booked me in fo the night. That is that I am to be booked out on the 6th at least that is what the paper works states, this regardless of the early conversation with Amy. Wham, I was riddled again with stress and a tight stomach and could no longer put my mind to the Bail Office and Mental Health.
Try try again...
Upon wanting to try again today, I stop in at the Library. Same thing. Someone who knows me sits down to chat just as I have relaxed myself and am to begin writing down what I want to state. No matter how much I try, I cannot reform the words as intended. If I was home, this would be no big deal. I would just refer to earlier assessments and the earlier times they were written down and stated for Court. I did as good as I could and that will have to be enough. I find my situation with different problems polarizes the outcomes of my responses more than my actual intent does.
No Recording.
I was going to comment a few visits back how I could not see that sign after stating personal convictions and religious opinions. I had sworn they had took that sign down. I felt that I had won that argument. I looked for it each time I visited that office. I noted it today. I also noted more than one piece of tape on a corner, used and wrinkled as if it had been pulled down, but I could not verify that. Another corner had a fairly-good piece of tape. Perhaps I just kept looking in the wrong spots, but…
I am not changing my stance on this, aside from personal beliefs, aside from medical needs (to reconfirm what was said in poor mental health), aside from protecting myself from psychological abuse, aside from the RCMP stating it is not illegal, why on Earth would I stop if abiding by this System has nearly killed me and very well may result in such in the near future? Why? It is nonsensical.
I was thinking earlier, perhaps this is the reason why he was transferred here.
Ooops. There is no actual record.
You have to be kidding me, after writing all of this… the recording does not work. It immediately cuts out. I know it recorded because I watched the bars and I had stopped it when I left the office. This would be insane, my immediate thoughts, but not impossible for the ‘powers that be’… to have that much power that they can stop the WiFi here, prevent key programs from opening on my computer and clip this file. After all the Port Moody Police were certain to ensure that this was the recorder that I used. Not only that, but after an email to an RCMP MHL Officer two years ago, my email program refused to work like now and afterwards, all of the emails were gone. So now I have to write out what was said. Maybe in the end it is all just coincidence, the like the RCMP Member parked at the shelter for quite some time before driving off. Maybe it's all for the best?
-
Bail Officer – Asks me how I am.
Myself – Surprisingly I am rested, or better rested.
Bail Officer – “There is a sign there that says no recording.”
Myself – “I looked for that sign that last time, I didn’t see it.”
Bail Officer – “You have something to read” as he notes me holding a small notebook.
Myself – “My Mother testified in Court that she hoped I could get all the help I needed. If you listen to the recordings, my Mother loves me, she said so.
As an Officer of the Courts, I must inform you that I have conferred with my Primary Doctor, my Primary Counsellor, my Primary Psychologist and my Primary Psychiatrist. My immediate health needs are unchanged. I need to be returned home with all of my files and possessions so that I may fix myself by forensically writing out the history. I have come to conclude that in order to fix myself, I have to fix the System.”
Bail Officer – asks if he can have contact information for these doctors.
Myself – “I have stated this before in this Office, but I have never given it in writing. Here, I will write the contact information for you.” as I accept a piece of paper from him, I state while writing “G O D. God.”
Bail Officer – he had a certain look on his face and had went on to speak of the judge and if the judge would be, had been, understanding of that and if I had changed my mind about the Bail Conditions.
Myself – I explained that Canada recognizes the Supremacy of God, it is the very first line of the Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms. It is the very first thing you read.
Bail Officer – Began speaking of writing the Judge and asking for the Bail Conditions to be changed.
Myself – I went on to explain how I have wanted to do that, but in the place that I am staying, it has been impossible and that he likely has never stayed in such and environment and therefore he likely has no idea of what it is like.
The Bail Officer – concluded the meeting by stating he would see me by the xxx.
Myself – “What day is that? “
Bail Officer – “Wednesday”
Myself – “Thank you for that”, as I came to realize/assume that the Office is beginning to take steps to help improve my mental health and my overall situation. In leaving, I had felt good about the meeting, along with good thoughts towards him.
On the walk back, I think of the recording and I have the thought that I should just send it to my lawyer asking if he can manage to write the Judge on my behalf. In these thoughts, I was thinking to myself, see how handy it is to record? The act fixes so many logistical problems. Even now, for my ‘mental health’, I could review it to know exactly what he had said if something had slipped. It helps me, even if I do not post it here.
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The Lords Prayer was chosen before dinner. That made me smile – for my own recent thoughts.
Earlier in the day...
