God (Truth) is my Primary Doctor
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Audio from 2018/03/23 - 15:01
And it Continues...So two visits prior, this Bail Officer had completed a visitation card, marked the signature box as I had and filled in the dates for our next meeting after she agreed that I wouldn't attend the rest of week due to projected 'mental health' concerns. Upon my last visit, the card was filled in and stamped "NO SHOW" while she outright lied about about agreeing that I would not attend.
This visit, I noted her filling out a card that appeared the same, except there were four additional spaces filled in and another mark of "NO SHOW". After this was another meeting slot filled in. Now I wasn't really in the health to ask to see the card, especially with what was on my mind in terms of the Bail Offices potential games, but I was confused as to whether it was the same card as mine or not. Mine has signatures on the top, my signatures.
I was left with the impression that they were attempting to create a reason to Breech me instead of just acting with INTEGRITY. Such a shame as they are literally just going to murder me, by either walking me into a moving car or 'breeching' me on their own bullshit, where regardless... they are abusing my person and ignoring my TRUE medical needs. The result is death sooner or later at this rate.
'Bail Conditions'
She had a piece of paper with the Bail Conditions with several conditions marked. One that was signed under duress at the recommendation of my lawyer even though I had personally thought otherwise. Why do this to my Mental Health? If the intent of the System was to help my Person, especially in my overall state, why do all of this? More of the same; 'engineering' outcomes?
March 8th/18 - Late Afternoon - Coast Mental Health ICMT worker, does exactly what he had said he would NOT do. He shows up out of the blue again and just wants to chat, get to know each other. Exactly what we had last discussed he NOT do. This day, he had actually showed up two days after he knew I expected him, without the papers that he knew I expected him to have, this after he last agreed he would not waste my time with useless meetings. He did this while I was trying to relax for an appointment in regards to a private room that everyone here was expecting that I would just walk into. This after being underslept for months and getting out of bed too early at 4:00am.
March 8th/18 - Early Evening - I have my third interview for a private room, something I am desperately wanting as I have not even taken my contact lenses out for six months. Six months. The Staff by chance made me thirty minutes late for my interview, adding the drain on my person, not only that, but at this time of night my mind winds down, I get tired. I was tired. I am already approved through two interviews, this is my third and final. I have the interview, I am open and honest. As painful as it is for me to do, I answer all of her questions and tell her my condensed history. All of the major things I have been through. She cannot believe it, she's never heard a story like mine. At the end, she states that because I have seen 19 Psychiatrists she wants me to see another one. She wants me to have an Assessment or provide a piece of paper. I have been here for over THREE MONTHS. They know me, I had even seen their own Nurse Practitioner. Personally, I had felt that she didn't know what to do and that she was trying to make herself feel smart. For me this was insanity as I desperately needed a room to sleep and function properly. It didn't matter how many times I explained to her that I was cleared, she wanted a piece of paper. She had absolutely no common sense and there was no sanity to her desire to make me jump through more hoops without giving me what I needed in order to jump through those hoops. That being a bed, a desk, peace and privacy, the means to have all of that with no extra stress to my already overly taxed being and the use of such at my leisure. I ended up having to just walk out on her because she had absolutely no brains. It made me sick to my stomach that she would try force me to a corrupt doctor without providing what I need to even properly 'speak' to a doctor. Insane, I need a bedroom/desk - everyone knows it. Common Sense. I need rest and this is a 'Church of Salvation'.
March 9th/18 - Coast Mental Health ICMT again does exactly what I asked of him NOT to do. When we spoke the day before, I made the mistake of telling him I needed something he didn't offer earlier. I made the mistake of telling him that a Fraser Health ICMT person better suited my needs in terms of a PWD. Truthfully, I was more interested in who I was exchanging smiles with. A female Fraser Health ICMT person. This caused him to defend his position and now he informed me of what he didn't inform of earlier, that rather than just a Nurse Practitioner, he can provide all the doctors just like the Fraser Health ICMT. I knew I shouldn't have said anything, I regretted it. I left the conversation stating "So you can provide X, Y, Z?". Yes, he confirmed. Which led me to state "Let's just leave it at that for now". Meaning, do not do anything. Park it. Next thing I know, here he is sending me an email stating that he spoke to so and so and it read like he booked me an appointment for the PWD that briefly I mentioned the day before... which just made me more ill. Not only was I struggling to log and make sense of earlier appointments, I have this guy continually doing what I ask of him NOT to do. Compounding all of my issues. The next time he 'just dropped by', a few days later, I literally wanted to tear his head off (with words).
Through all of this, I went back to an earlier interviewer for the private room and I spoke to her about everything. Towards the end of our conversation she started claiming that because I took medication prior in my life, then I should take medication again. I am thinking... what the hell is wrong with everyone? Why is everyone pushing exactly what I do not need just because it was literally forced/swindled upon me in the past in a weak moment to my detriment? Are they that stupid or are they all working for a common agenda? It made me sick, because in this place... everytime I want to write and log, I get completely crippled from my environment. I do not even know how I handle it all because distracting myself on Facebook... only lasts so long. More than one Staff Member has stated that they do not know how I handle being in here as they think I am quite normal and this is a tough place to be.
On top of all of this, I had a private offer to get me out of here and that hit over this same weekend too, except that asshole just ended up stirring my pot, enjoying himself.. I had to tell him to stop speaking to me. He thought he was having fun building his ego at my expense playing games without understanding how much extra burden he was placing upon my person. He's bought me coffee and a given me a few things since (guilt?), but we now do not talk as it's awkward. I don't even know why he comes here. It's probably better off for me just to stay away from him as things are just too complicated at the moment.
And with all of the above I had the staff here at the shelter telling me about the appointment, then immediately retracting telling me about the appointment. They were confused in a mix up as they thought they were telling the wrong person. When I think back at this point, the first person to tell me was the 'Bail Officer' and there's more things than I can write down, but it's just left me feeling, right or wrong, that I am the last to know or even the last to have a say in my own future. I do not like that, that is dangerous. It is dangerous to have people lead you for their purposes.
God is my Primary Doctor, God is my Primary Counsellor,
God is my Primary Psychologist, God is my Primary Psychiatrist
Got that Everyone?
So does all of this make sense to you the reader? Especially if you know what a 'Shelter' like this is like? How hard it is to find peace. I had barely started feeling healthier on Wednesday of that week, I checked the appointment time, the address and off I went. Somehow I had Wednesday in my mind. I didn't check the date, my only concern was the time and location. For some reason I have the impression that - somebody - said Wednesday and it stuck, but I do not know that for sure. I am highly capable of making mistakes all on my own.
[embed]https://dan.berladyn.online/rec/180314_1101_01.mp3[/embed]Oops! I showed up there on the WRONG day. This was not something I had enjoyed and it just made my health even worse until I figured out what actually happened. I should have double checked the date when I looked at the appointment, my fault. Exhausted and just starting to feel better, but still my fault.
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Maple Ridge Mental Health Privacy Notice (Fraser Health) - photo taken on or abouts December 15th, 2017[/caption]
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Then the next day, the appointment itself... another surprise, then another surprise, then another surprise. All I am doing is serving everyone else's needs, giving me exactly what my mental health and situation do NOT need. Thinking about things now, that Medical Office where both of these people work was told of the Court Order in writing back in November/December. With the conditions created, being so exhausted, so tired, it was literally impossible for me to remember to tell Gloucester. The Nurse Practitioner who works out of the same office, the one I kicked out out of the meeting, he knew, he was told of the order in November sometime. Same with the General Practitioner I had insisted take a copy. Not only that, but with the key words spoken to me, he definitely communicated with certain people who knew. Not to mention, the Bail Office itself. I know they all had a 'Conference' - so this Bail Officer and who ever is teaming with her, they know... and their questioning of the Bail Order.... give it up.
I believe I informed God and I believe God informed Gloucester.
"It is my Constitutional RIGHT Guaranteed by the Canadian Charter of Guaranteed Rights and Freedoms to Worship my God, which is the Root (Alpha) of All Truth and thereby the Sum (Omega) of All Truth, by freely collecting, sharing and sorting my own personal data with the Sum of All Life, with the Sum of All People, Present and Future, as I see fit, to best of my ability at any given moment in time, through any media and regardless of frontiers."
Attempting to 'Engineer' a Breach of ridiculous Bail Conditions that should have never have been imposed upon my Person. Am I to think anything else?
All you are doing is harming my already diminished health.
[embedyt] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nzdu3WQyIZg[/embedyt]My Arrival at the Bail Office today, I had the idea of mutual forgiveness on my mind. I am still tired as I do not get great sleep and this morning as the Shelter was conducting a full dorm clean up. Many of the homeless are like packrats and many of them do not obey the rules. I am glad for the clean up, but it consumed the very limited time I had to do anything on a computer.
(Odd today was the Administration Visit from Coast Mental Health.)
With the Harm Reduction policies, people are literally supplied with "Safe Use" paraphernalia to consume drugs. Things like new needles, purified water and clean items to 'cook' their drugs in. Things are much better now than in January/December, but the usage inside the Shelter and on the Property continues. Hard for the Staff to police, but they are trying - some more than others.
Underslept and not knowing what to expect, this visit was not easy. I did not have a good feeling about her quizzing me about my bag, perhaps that was just an insecurity on my part, but my intuition told me different. It is not fair of me to make such a statement, but I do not find her to be genuine in nature. Now if I say that and she reads this, the psychological problem for her only compounds, which is not my intent and I would rather not have that happen.
In fact, I was hoping to get back to that 'bonding moment' we had upon the second visit, but if you read below you might see the problem with that.Forensics
"So we know that Forensics is not looking after you, right? They denied or whatever your application."No, 'we' did not know that they denied my application. Actually, two Bail Office Visits ago, this very same Bail Officer had asked me if she should continue trying to get Forensics to help. Since we were still trying to figure out who the ICMT person & the Psychiatric Nurse was, the ones who were supposedly already working with me for two weeks - one's whom I had never met, I asked to her to just hold off in trying with forensics for another week. However, it does look like a dead horse and I suggested that a long time ago, that they did not want to 'help'.
- Originally, I had visited Forensics, it was left to me as to whether I wanted to pursue their use. I was uncomfortable at the suggestion of Psychiatrists, Hospital Records, etc., because I had to write to explain ahead of them - something in which I am prevented from.
- Another day, after leaving the Port Coquitlam Bail Office, I attended the Port Coquitlam Library to write. I was soon interrupted by the RCMP. They came and spent an hour talking to me as that Bail Officer had phoned them regarding suicide. This was odd to me at the time, because I did not think it was warranted with what was said in that very meeting, but the thoughts were there. While talking to the RCMP and feeling overloaded from being distracted from writing, the person I met with Forensics had phoned me. She was friendly and kind. She was happy to speak to me until I asked her if I could call her back as I was currently with the RCMP. This spooked her and she seemed frightened over it. When I called her back, she stated that she would only talk to the Bail Officer and not me. This was very disappointing, as in my perspective as her and I would have had a conversation if the RCMP had never attended. The after effects of this being that all information had to go through the same Bail Office in which I had felt was psychologically abusing my Person.
- The very unpleasant treatment with each Port Coquitlam Bail Office Visit continued. The Bail Officer appeared to enjoy her assumed 'power' over my person and I found her rather Psychologically Abusive. I found her to be rather suspect in her actions. Others who have listened to the recordings state the same. She was very damaging to my 'Mental Health' and she violated my 'Religious' Convictions in her mannerism.
- After changing Bail Offices, I found dignity with a Bail Office that appeared to respect my person and who had actually treated me with respect and care. It didn't take long for the problems regarding Forensics to show up. They would not respond to enquiries, then they would, then they wouldn't, then they were on 'vacation', then I was told that they refused to see me because the process was started with the Port Coquitlam Bail Office and I would have to re-apply and start over in their queue, then I was told only the Bail Officer's Superior could talk to them, then I was told that I wasn't interested in their services which wasn't true (I just wanted the cart BEHIND the horse, not in front), then over and over I was told people were working on it, then my hard working and caring Bail Officer was "transferred", then I was told unconvincingly that the person talking to Forensics had their heart explode, then I was told they were trying Forensics, then I was last asked if I wanted the Bail Office to keep trying with Forensics where I stopped them to hold off for another week because of other meetings and in this visit I am finally told they have "denied my application" and that "We know that". Well, now I know that with absolution, although I always assumed it. I guess "We" assumed it, now "We" know it.