Gerry Nichelle,
I tried writing you back in November of 2015, while my mind was running so fast with stress that I almost dropped dead five times in a three week period surrounding my fortieth birthday. It was a long letter, I do not think I had finished it. My intent was to mail it to Optima's office. It likely would not sit well with Carle, nor with Tony, but I wanted to do that in case I had dropped dead.
Actually, I wanted to humorously ask if I could seek refuge as some form of field hand on your estate. My mind was so far past over-stressed and back then that I was in an 'emergency state' continually digging deeper and deeper into a reserve that shouldn't have been there. I was already operating on reserves, in a continual over-extension of digging for more and more personal strength from an empty bucket that I cannot describe any better than this.
Ted, I am sure you remember Ted. He told me one time that you would like my story. That might be true if I sold it properly, living in the home I was born into, attempting to fulfill a childhood dream, childhood promises, trying to save the home, my parents and myself. This against the odds of siblings who literally took and undermined me all of my life. As young adults, none of them cared for the home, nor the welfare of their parents.
They chose to leave for their own lives, thinking only of themselves. Normal, yes I would say so, until you factor in the laughing that their parents would lose everything while they took all they could to build their own lives. This, only to have them come back and hold me down so that if the worst didn't happen, they would have a controlling claim. You do not have to understand, I do not think many do.
Maybe in the end I am only to blame myself. I knew the score each time I dug in. I only had a few momentary chances to get anything in writing over the years. I missed the opportunity each time it presented itself. Depressed, bogged with down compounding issues, or just plain loss of foresight in regards to the importance.
Perhaps Ted is wrong, I am not someone you would respect. Without that shrewd self serving edge to close a deal, to come out winning, surely that's not something someone in your shoes would respect. However, being Italian, I am sure you understand the importance of Family and I know from your own business history that Principle plays a part in your own character.
I fell into drywall because of my brothers. Assuming that I should follow them, I could not get a job where they each worked. They ruined those environments for me. I remember coming out of high school and filling with deep anxiety over what I would do to earn my income for life. Both of my brothers, they both built their self-esteem by making that worse for me too. They would laugh right in my face that they could help, but they won't. Intentionally leaving me feeling me feeling deficient in self-worth.
Against a thinking pattern that I would have chose otherwise, a good friend pulled me into the glorious trade of drywall. Be your own 'boss', the last thing I would have chose otherwise. In drywall, I first scrapped for Daniel Bosa's company - Westward Drywall. Then I became a boardman until there were too many fights over the math of the piecework partnership share. From there I met Rod Schwan.
Rod Schwan. I bet you remember that name. He took me on as an apprentice and he was probably the hardest person I have ever worked for. As hard as much of him was on me, I was thankful. Thankful to be over-worked, over-disciplined and over-controlled. My brothers laughed at me for that one too, for being used. They didn't see what I saw, that having it hard would make me come out the other side a better tradesperson.
For all of Rod's faults, he did me good. He became a stable father figure (mine was ill), he became a mentor, a teacher and he taught lessons in life that you couldn't pay someone to teach you. He and I became so close that people thought we were father and son. The only true downfall was my family and home. Without my family problems, I actually would have likely done well otherwise with much of his discipline.
For me, he was a better person back then, when he was on the tools. But business was business. When Theo was around, Theo tried to tell me. I would have none of it. I directed all of my anger towards you. Eventually Rod and I fell out. I then came back to him just in time to help him climb the ladder and gain his position with you. I looked after his primary personal taping crew and he went up the ladder.
I finally left him over a principle, Centura was paying other people too little, far too little. What happened in regards to him and your company, I have no part in. All I remember is Rod's philosophy when he started - 'If you cannot beat them, join them'. Rod and I literally parted in two different directions. I went to the 'Light Side' and he went to the 'Dark Side'.
I joined the Union where I was later groomed as an Organizer. An Organizer with an axe to grind. Two years later I burned myself out. I was both over-working to correct injustices from the perceived industry abuse I went through and to preoccupy myself from dealing with the problems at home. In the end I quit, only to be told I was fired in the last hour of my last day. (Three months later they tried to hire me back. Again, principle.).
After gaining weight and laziness that I never had before, back to drywall I went. That was tough, it was very black, but out of pure luck I landed in one of, if not the best company in town. Optima. It was like a dream come true. All those years of fighting everyone I worked for. All those years spent thinking of how a company should operate. Here it was.
For a guy who worked the way I did, the balance of quality vs. quantity, the desire for order, efficiency, pride, no call backs. Optima was an OASIS. I was happy to work there. Happy to put in extra. Proud to work for you. At least, proud to work for you under Carle and an Agreement. Tony, like I always told him, he's the best - a great worker, a great guy. Through the pre-olympic boom, you literally had the A-Team.
In working for you, when I had everything running top notch system wise, I would pour the contents of my mixing pail into the next weeks taping mud. Efficiency. Maximum efficiency, not just for myself time wise, but for the company, material wise. I was crazy like that. I enjoyed it. I remember Carle telling me not to bother finishing an area that was covered, I would finish it anyways. This under piecework.
Since I brought up Rod, I should let you know he was scared that I was going to throw him off a balcony in 2006 or so. This at a Wall and Ceiling Party downtown. I assumed it was guilt, maybe it was just rumours the others began spreading around. The last time I had seen him was when I was coming out of a deeply suicidal state in 2014. I was actually desperate enough to give him a call for work.
We once knew each other so well that he knew it was me before he even picked up the phone. He told me then, Kevin (another one of yours) and I were his best 'students'. For all the money that guy made off of me I thought he could have followed through with a job. I couldn't believe he didn't at the time, but looking back that was probably for the best.
In nearly twenty-five years of this trade, I think I was in your presence a few times. However, I only interacted with you once that I know of. Those two towers you built downtown in 2012. We did the first one, I was an extra as Optima was slow and recovering. I mixed two pails of mud on the 17th floor, got into the lift and it broke down. I was up there for over an hour getting frustrated. I just wanted to get down to the parkade and complete a specific amount of work for the day.
When the elevator finally dropped us off at the bottom I was miserable. I grabbed both pails aggressively and just about walked right through you. Who is this guy in the yellow pants I thought? You politely said hi and I just about rudely told you where to go, I just wanted you out of my way. I had work to do. Instead, surprisingly for me, I replied with a curt hi back and went about my business.
Lucky, I suppose you may have fired me right there. Kenny told me who you were afterwards. I have heard lots about you over the years. Enough to write a letter like this much better. When I was young and dumb as Rod put it, I hated you. Theo tried to steer me different. Carle did steer me different by explaining that you wanted Optima to be as good as it was for us.
Do you know why I am writing this? As much as I probably should be put out to pasture on some farm somewhere, the real reason, just as it was in November of 2015, is to thank you. Thank you for the best higher production years of my life in drywall. Rod was right, I should have got out of the trade twenty something years ago, but for as long as I have been in it, you gave me some of the best working years of my life.
It's a tough trade having the most square inches of finished product on site all while being the last guy through. It is actually incredible just how much we do and how good we can do it in a continuous fashion if the right environment is provided. Anyways, you probably will not like your name here. You might not even care to read this, but one of the things I wanted to do was to thank you for my years at Optima.
So thank you for the gainful employment, thank you for Optima. Dan BerladynPS. I respect you for chasing down Synko on principle, getting Wesroc to get their mixtures right and forbthe way Optima Building Systems operates.