Over the last few weeks and the last few days, I tried writing out what I needed to be said in front of the Judge. It was impossible. Everytime the words came to me, my situation wouldn't allow it. I just had someone tell me I should ask for those same things, too late now. I just walked into Court just in time this morning to tap my lawyer on the back and let him know I was here...
(This is all poorly written, beware )Over the last few weeks and the last few days, I tried writing out what I needed to be said in front of the Judge. It was impossible. Everytime the words came to me, my situation wouldn't allow it. I just had someone tell me I should ask for those same things, too late now. I just walked into Court just in time this morning to tap my lawyer on the back and let him know I was here.
This is why I don't want a lawyer, it's just another person to compound the issues. If I had the chance at the microphone, or the judges attention I would have tried. I didn't. I came just in time because I had to wait for coffee to ensure I felt better than I did yesterday. I did let my lawyer know that there is not enough time for this, I'll be a suicide before I ever get to a court date.
From there, we went to the Crown Prosecutors Office to set that date. I like that Crown Prosecutor. One of the things I did want to ask is, why don't you just throw this case out? It's a pathetic joke. I didn't ask as everyone else was in their little realm. Then I heard there is five witnesses, three police officers and two others, who I can only assume are family members.
What is there to witness? The facts are the facts. Unless of course, the cops want to lie about something I am not aware of. Maybe they get paid extra for attending? It's obviously is not about what is Right and Just, it's about something else.
When they were looking for a date and muttering selections around June, I just said forget it. "I'll be a suicide before then guys, this system is so corrupt" and I walked out. After I walked out, I decided I should know who shorted me the files in the Court Particulars. I didn't get pages of it, who was that? The Police, the Crown or my own lawyer?
I went back in and asked and I was told I wasn't allowed to be in there, that I had to leave. Yeah, because your bureaucratic paperwork and your corrupted justice is more important than someone's life you are taking. I should have demanded that the Crown Prosecutor throw this out. Why would you accept this case?
Onto the Bail Office, we've gotten along better the last time and I was feeling positive about her. That did not last. Right away she prides herself on taking control and asking how I am doing before I sit down. It's not the question, it is the intent behind it. Anyways, she wants to reduce whatever appearances to two weeks and I never even read what I signed to do just that.
Looking back now, that was just another tacky fast one. We didn't sign anything before, why slip in a written agreement now? I don't even see how that would truly be legal, not that a judge woukd rule against his/her own office. Honestly, I cannot believe I signed it.
That's not usual for me. I didn't care, the only thing I could think about was not if, but 'when' I would walk myself into a car. It would have been very easy a few weeks ago. In fact, I fought it off. I brought all of that up again, and then asked her to stop speaking redundantly. Do not bother speaking just for the sake of speaking. Keep it to business and lets get done what needs to be done.
What does she do? She keeps speaking uselessly for her own ego. Apparently I am not being respectful. I had to ask her, are you the one stating that you are going to walk into a car and kill yourself from the situation you are in? I am thinking maybe less useless conversation and more peace would be good for me. Nope, feeding her ego and exercising control is far more important than not driving me into suicide.
At this point I signed distracted, which was a mistake because if one meeting a month kept throwing me off last year, two will keep me derailed. Furthermore, I will never make it. That's their little game.
She's done some things for me, but she's not someone I can readily state that I like. All she does is add more baggage to interactions. Whatever, I am not perfect either, but this situation is far past unjust and ridiculously stupid as it is.
Leaving there, I come to the Library to use my computer. The RCMP phone. She phoned the RCMP. Good Officer. We chatted for quite some time. Unfortunately, I do not want to repeat all the things he said. His opinions. I want to as I see them all as good but I'd just rather not put his words here for his benefit.
No hospital trip although he was 50/50. He understood that would not do me any good and that I was no threat this day or the next. I would love to share his words on the PMPD and the Files, but for his sake, not that he may mind, I just don't want to. He confirmed suspicions I had about my own personal logistical issues.
All I can say Port Moody Police, is that you are killing a Lifelong Resident who looked after his mother, whether she can admit that to herself or not. Dr. Owen James she cannot admit because it doesn't make her feel good. You people are on the wrong side of the fence and do you know something? I hope if I do walk in front of a car and kill myself that you idiots get looked at, because you are the ones who have done this.
Charging someone with Mischief while trying to safe his life? Are you idiots? Why do you not just admit you fouled up a bad situation making it much worse, drop the charges and lay them where they should be laid. The Fraud on October 31st, 2015.
I'd look them up for you, several, but you just keep conducting criminal acts. Their testimonies are LIES.
I was lucky to land at Mark's last year, but I wasn't lucky enough to have the peace to write enough out. I would have wrote all the truth in high detail. You killed an innocent person.
I feel that strain on my heart, do you know how many years... You don't even care. That's the sad part.
Why even bother having a trial? This System is so corrupt it is already predetermined anyways. The Judge told me in September. You are all fucking CRIMINALS.