Thank you Amy.

I have subscribed myself to CALM, committing an intent to follow their page in an attempt to comprehend the message, however... Men Act. Roughly the same time you had written these words, I was thinking to myself once again, Talk is Cheap, Action Speaks Louder than Words.

Women Talk. Men Act.

Perhaps those words are not quite right, but there is a valid reason why Men do not talk about their feelings. I slept in the truck again last night so.. I do not have the leisure of a fresh mind and ability to access my deeper thoughts on the subject.

I will tell you that I was deeply suicidal for roughly four months from say December 2013 to April 2014. It was Black, Blacker than Black. Completely surreal going through life like that at times.

Talking was the WORST thing for me.

In fact, if anyone stuck their finger in my thoughts and my internal processes I would have never have recovered. Just for comprehension, I placed $6000 in cash above my mothers sewing machine to pay for my own funeral, that's how messed up I was.

In that state, I finally took a job with a company that tried to hire me over for five years. I always said no. I took the job, as in my case, my triggering factor was finances and long term survival/financial/legal/private/internal independence. I ending up organizing the most complicated job that company had ever done, the most complicated job I ever was tasked with the responsibility of in over twenty years, all while being highly suicidal.

Do you know the famous Lions Gate Bridge in Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada? I used to drive to work thinking of it every morning. At work, it was in plain view out the fancy office windows I would be working in. If I did not attain staying above the line that defined success/failure in meeting immediate financial necessities - that bridge was my destination.

Any "talk" would have been the worst thing for me as it would have triggered the implosion and a whole chain reaction of long term consequences. Well, this is a mouthful and I am about to walk into a Government Office again and I certainly hope my reactions are better than yesterday's. Bureaucracy Kills.

Thank you for the reply.