This picture is probably not unlike what transpired outside of my home. I was told it looked like there was Military there along with Military Vehicles. At least I have not been shot dead yet, maybe that's on the agenda? There is really appears to be no help if you are Male and the System chooses you. Is the Hospital really going to be any help or are they just going to play the 'game' too? Anyways, it's pretty simple, just an honest working guy who has been crushed by dishonest people and a System which helps the latter.

Well, what can I say?

Through Hearsay (as I did not witness it), I was told last night was rather eventful.  I dropped my truck off along with what is left of my life at a location that is both secure and natural. Then I walked away.  I had thought about dropping a note to the PMPD or calling the RCMP, informing them, but I did not want any problematic bureaucracies pre-empting my moves. I also did not want the 'tax' of speaking to someone.

Just before the final leg, almost out of fuel, I pulled over and looked for a place to send a quick note, a note describing the when and why as to save confusion.  I didn't really have a viable text/email address that I was comfortable with so I just dismissed the idea. Getting myself to take action before I was forced to abandon it out of fuel on the side of the road became an ugly reality was somewhat more important.

I walked away thinking I would make my way to Lions Gate, walking if I had to.  Just by fate, I walked a different route still attempting to decide. Now my thoughts were between the RCH and Lions Gate.  I am not really enthused with the idea of all of this, I just cannot realistically think of another viable option.  I know what I need and in trying to communicate that, I might receive something completely different and unwelcome.

Just by chance, without ever intending it, by midnight or so I was a long ways from home, cold, tired and trying to get myself to deal with my situation before I ended up awake all night making myself physically ill from the cooling temperatures.  I was out of smokes, someone had been messaging me changing my thought processes and I decided to walk back to the truck.

I realized there must have been cigarettes between the seats, there is no way I smoked that many and I really wanted a cigarette.  Arriving there, all was quiet.  I eventually found the smokes the next morning. This after deciding that I was so tired that I may as well just sleep in the truck (again).  It is out of view, no one would know I was there.

I obviously missed all of the excitement while I was gone.  This morning, I woke early, tired with poor sleep and I accepted an offer to meet someone to just talk.  I am not surprised, but I did not expect what I had heard. Apparently I caused quite a stir parking to secure my means of living in place where there should be no question as to the ability to do so.

I was disappointed at first.  I mean thinking about myself, why would you ever need more than one Officer?  I was told one police car showed up, then another, then another, then the RCMP, then an Emergency Response Team.  Guns were drawn, this is all hearsay, but three flash grenades, a wild exciting show. Some people who knew me were scared that I was going to get hurt, perhaps even be killed.

I suppose I am lucky I never decided to just make my own way in.  I know that house, I could be inside there with no damage.  Does not matter if the locks are changed.  I know that house like the back of my hand.  By the way, how is my Cat?  Can someone please answer that Question for me?

Apparently the Officers called my name, calling me to come out willingly before I was hurt.  Exciting, as I wasn't even there.  None of this was intentional on my part, I cite responsibility for not disclosing my intent beforehand, but on the other hand I am amazed at how things can blow so far out of proportion. Enough PMPD and RCMP Members have met me to know I am not a danger.

It seems like a grande waste of money, or perhaps an excuse to practice. Of course, I was momentarily dumb enough to once again have thoughts that the System is just creating a big show before they put the real corrupted ones in their place.  My siblings.  I wasn't surprised to hear that my two brothers were there looking after things.

The leader and the follower.  The same two who plotted for years to get rid of me and benefit both emotionally and financially.  Emotionally, because having me suffer makes them feel better for their own actions, abandoning their responsibilities two decades ago.  If I suffer tremendously, they prove themselves right and absolve their own guilt.

So how does this happen?  How does the 'System' engage in such heavy handed, extreme measures?  Perhaps it is simply the bureaucracy of beat cops reporting to higher ups, in a System where everyone either wants to cover their legal rear ends and or put on a big show.  Perhaps, it was simply a call made by someone remote, with tainted third and fourth hand information while looking at an operating handbook.

Something like that, if I wasn't so tired I would probably word this better. Anyways, I am not sure how I should feel?  I leave, all that excitement happens and then I come back to the scene and snooze for several hours. It explains why some passerby's were taking curious stares at the truck in the morning while on their way to work or whatever they were doing.

I expect that vehicle and the belongings to be secure.  Maybe if I was smart, I would state that I am coming back.  With the way things are going that would earn me around the clock armed guards, unintentionally guarding my assets, securing them for my perspon.

...

In the meantime, perhaps you can ask yourselves the real reason why a 'little old lady' who depended on me, who my sister said was co-dependent with me to the point I should claim her on my taxes, perhaps you should ask yourself the real reason as to why those two sad excuses for 'Men' have taken 'Control' of a house they do not even live, nor have for more than two decades. A house that they laughed would be lost in foreclosure, running from all the problems and stealing from it to secure their own lives?

You people are protecting Criminals.  The Judge knew as he ruled in their favour to 'protect me from them', my state sponsored lawyer knew as he apologized for what everyone did to my life and instructed me to sue, the Crown Prosecutor knew as he fumbled over his own words and couldn't ask appropriate questions in Court - I could go on.  I was removed from the Courtroom while the Judge was out because I had turned to my family and even to my surprise, I blurted out - 'you should be in jail'.

Is protecting a Bureaucracy and your jobs so important that you would Murder someone Innocent? Sometimes it feels this way. Even yesterday I wondered, perhaps I should just walk in front of a car.  I was tired, it was not easy to think clearly.  I know the longer I am on the street and the further that I degrade the more appropriate that end will be for me.

There is something very wrong with a Judicial / Medical / Policing / Social System that does anything but allow a citizen to do what is right for himself and society.  I have come to conclude the System knocks the Males down in order to retain control.  Just keep everyone down, this way - no will one will ever be a challenge.

That is pretty self-serving and pretty foolish in my opinion.  Society will not last and looking around, it obviously is not.

PMPD Constable Dan Di Paola, he is the one I recorded trying to arrest me for Mischief the other week.  I do not feel right about that recording, I was very tired, juggling multiple dynamics and he was stopping me from doing things very important to my person.  Things  without being pulled were hard enough as they were.

Perhaps recording is a bad idea because being conscious of the recorder changes my own psychological dynamics. I fear I grandstanded a little and I never intended to.  Anyways, there probably are several people trying really hard.  However it always feels so fleeing, what I have needed and what seems to be right, just seems so simple - yet so fleeting.

Even now, I am so tired - I cannot write pertinent facts, thoughts and perspectives that I would like to.  Missing the opportunity like I often do, changes things in the long term.

Personal Responsibility.  I am not apologizing for all the events that have taken place and I refuse to accept responsibility for them, but I do apologize for the things I could have done better.  Like many of the words written on this site, in emails, verbal discussions, etc.

By the way, I do not have a Gun.  The Gun Restriction is only an insult to injury.  If I wanted one for harming someone, I would find a way to have one.  That piece of paper is a just piece of paper that does me more psychological harm than good.

I do not want to act cynical and callous, but what is next, a Judge banning from walking down the street?  I suppose I shouldn't give out any ideas to bureaucrats ruling over people using pieces of paper.  Anyways, I have already said too much.