Written in the AM before being informed of the past nights events.  I never finished this post, tired, on a cell phone and I was just logging some non-worthwhile thoughts.

Yesterday afternoon, I dropped off my truck and started walking, while still questioning my latest game plan.

Stopping by a former patronage for a rest, I realized there was no rush, this hour or the next. This lead to indecision, North Vancouver or New Westminster?  I began to put off any decisions one hour at a time.

Near 10:00pm or so, I was ready to make a call and set in somewhere for the night. I was actually expecting to bump into an RCMP Officer or a few by this point. They seem common when I am not looking for one.

Anyways, a neighbor texted out of the blue asking to help me with anything I need. Whether or not he realized it, he was changing my dynamics and if he was talking to people at home, he was changing theirs too. After ending the quick chat with him I still felt like proceeding with my plans, however I lost any will to walk there on my own.

Perhaps thinking about things more realistically, I starting to doubt the RCH would be any actual help at all.  I just remembered my visits, how it all works and laying there in a bed talking to a 'Doctor' for ten minutes a day.  Slow and cumbersome, not to mention he may keep me much longer than I might find comfortable.

I wanted Lions Gate for the good experience, the change, the possible help the hope center may be and lastly, to get away from any problems I created in writing Fraser Health.  Who knows, perhaps I could meet someone attractive from West Vancouver in there?  :)

Ideally, my primary living situation would be resolved somehow,  I would get an immediate Welfare Cheque for a fire starter to get myself up and running and it would all get documented.  The Welfare Cheque I am not enthused with stating I need, the documentation...  bah..  I do not know how to write what I mean by that.

If my primary situation wasn't sorted out, then perhaps I would find an alternative, which there likely is none. Failing that, they might keep me which would only be beneficial  if it resulted in long term benefits. Aside from what people may have lead themselves to believe, there is little psychologically wrong with me, it is situational...  the rest follows from there.

Anyways, I walked back to the truck, where I was sure I would find a dropped pack of smokes. I did not intend on it,  but I ended up sleeping in the truck against any better judgement only to find myself dumbfounded at how stupid this all is.  Not twenty feet away,  my laundry,  my shower, my a lot of things including the ability to organize and function.   The ability to conduct Life.