Her Majesty The Queen
Buckingham Palace
London SW1A 1AA

Governor General of Canada
Rideau Hall
1 Sussex Drive, Ottawa, ON K1A 0A1

Lieutenant Governor of British Columbia
Government House
1401 Rockland Ave., Victoria, BC V8S 1V9

¹² "For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms."

her Majesty the Queen,

I wrote the following intending this to be fairly clear and concise in a natural request to make the most out of the things I have felt important to me over the last year.   This is nothing as intended.  I feel I should removed the addressee's but I just simply do not have the time or the energy to do this properly.  I honestly do not even know where my next meal will come from.

I have had nearly a year and a half to sort Fact from Fiction. On this Website alone, I have had one year to do just the same.  What followed was anything other than what was intended.  I suppose only I would know the snowball of continuous instability which rippled through my life, the lack of critical resources at the best of times and the smallest of derailments coming out of the blue to knock me away from nearly every succeeding attempt.

I was taught excuses were for losers, unfortunately that is all I feel I have. Excuses. Even my Will is diminished. The Will to overcome, the Will to see something through. The Will to press on, the Will to Survive. This, even though I had once earned the nickname Hammerhead for not letting go of a goal.  I feel no ability to dig deeper to find resolve, I assume this is because I just know it is not possible as things stand right now.

I am reminded at this moment that it is said that people create their own luck, yet on the other hand - in past times I have been humorously told that if it was not for bad luck, I would have no luck at all.  Taking this further, I was told that for this to be the way things are in my life,  I must have done something terribly bad in a past life.  For a time, I learned to rise above the apparent  bad luck through a proactive forward thinking deep change in my own psychology, this is not something any 'doctor' will likely coach me into changing,  but now...

Anyways, I am actually embarrassed for what is here on this Website.

Even this very writing, I am writing it homeless, living the last few days on a friend's donated money while knowingly operating on borrowed time.  I have been attempting to line up all of my ducks to write these words before you here and now.  I am balanced, I am not depressed, I do not feel I am delusional - yet clearly to me, I am naturally tired and fighting off strong urges to yawn and I just cannot write what I wanted to. I am not even depressed, maybe that's due to a high coffee intake?

I had had the intent to write here, to write seemingly well founded, well constructed thoughts that are here within myself. An intelligent set of words fitting for a Queen, or perhaps even just her Representatives. I have had this intent for well over a week. The intent to do this and I have had the appropriate wording for much longer.  However it looks like I will have to forgo all of these plans as well.

During the last Court Case, the one in which I had wanted to attend but had failed to appear, I had the intent to ask the Crown for the appropriate resources to seize and return my stolen property, which includes related legal files, personal evidence and my necessary office equipment to build a proper defense.  Not only did I want to ask for that from the Courts, I wanted to ask for a meager living allowance to support myself while I did so.

My goals were pure and simple. I had the Will and the Resolve to rebuild the history in very accurate detail, with no higher ideal than the Truth itself, even if I incriminated myself. This would prove the case against me unworthy and unjust. In doing so, not only would I be able to cure myself of what ails me but even further, I would be able to point out the flaws within the related intertwined Governmental Systems. The inherent corruotion.  This along with what I felt were appropriate remedies for a solution in Society.

Perhaps I am just a meager worker Ant, lost, discarded and disposed of amongst the Ant Colony.  Does that happen?  I suppose it does, doesn't it? Maybe I should desperately find another analogy as I remember some not so nice details of Ants consuming other spent Ants.  I wonder, Integrity amongst an Ant Colony, I wonder how they ensure of such among eachother?

A little less than two weeks ago I calculated my options, plotting different courses, each route led to the same destination.  Without even consciously addressing the issues before me, my Being seems to have accepted something that possibly will not appear sane to others on the outside. Perhaps not even myself after the fact.  I have been hoping that I will snap out of acceptance and find both a plottable course and the Will to travel it. However,  it is just not appearing before me. A lack of proper sleep at times does not help.

I have basically succumbed. There is only one place that I could rebuild and return my independence on my own, that place is home,  feasible or not. However, I am not going to ask the person/people who took that from me for permission. I would likely much rather choose the alternative - that being to walk out in front a car,  doing so in front of the 'Public Safety Building' seems fitting to me.  Is that fair to those involved ?  Perhaps not, I don't know right now.

Anyways, that would be the building that houses the people who took it upon themselves to throw me into the street while I was in a very vulnerable and susceptible position. Completely depleted, exhausted, not too distant in time from the point where I was nearly dropping dead from stress right in front of them. Also, merely twenty four months after the darkest deepest period in my life where I was extremely blocker than black.  Suicidal. Not to mention the long hard year spent recovering from the complete darkness.

It doesn't even end there.  I had just returned to a job that took six months to win back. Consequently, I then lost that job (hospitalizations).  I could actually go on in great detail about the impossibility of actually surviving getting thrown out of my home in the manner I was.  Even my vehicle had deeply troubling electrical problems due to the timing.  I was literally marched off of a cliff with no hope of survival. Walk the plank with broken arms and be told to swim so to speak.

My health, already deeply degraded from the dynamics applied over time, my finances which I had just spent a year rebuilding only to have watched them roll backwards like an altimeter in a falling plane, followed very quickly by every last bit of credit.  The amount of personal damage to my Being, I can no longer even talk to people about it. People are unwittingly ignorant in their assumptions about another human beings needs, needs that people base on their own differing needs,  or common needs for the average person. I am completely spent and dead in the water at the moment.

I wish I could explain here right now in intelligent sharp, condensed points that hit home in an undisputable manner. I do not feel the words I wanted to share are here amongst all of these ongoing letters.

Reality is going to hit me very quickly.  There is already no turning back for me. I feel that no personal decision is going to change my impending course. Not one personal decision that I can currently see.  I have hoped over the last ten to fourteen days that my mind would clear and a path would develop, but it hasn't.  No matter how I look, I am an adult and without independence I am not much of anything.

HeadsTogether. I opened myself up there on Facebook last night while falling asleep in my truck, barely able to type a very long post stating much of this.  When I awoke, the very first thing I did was promptly delete the comment. In doing so I deleted the Staff reply which I regretfully failed to read. I likely opened up simply because I shared my thoughts for the first time with one of, if not my best friend, my longest friend. I have known him since I was three and half.  I had the hardest time stating those words to him.

Personally, I think much given advice is wrong. It is in the least for me. Talking is not always good, it can cement not only a person's being to a path, but it can also label that same person for life in a Society that does not allow people to break free, overcome and change,  leaving them trapped in cruety.  As a person, I suppose I myself am no better than others with accepting and judging other people's past troubles.

Whether this is appropriate or whether I have recently headed down the wrong track very foolishly, my only realistic option is to secure my assets and follow through with a promise to a Physician made eighteen months ago.  That being to check myself into a hospital if I find myself in this position.  I will not want to do so at a FraserHealth facility, this only complicates things even further.

Perhaps my choice of Hospitals is silly, but even an RCMP Member's views reflected the same things I noticed.  I will go to Lions Gate Hospital for several reasons. I would prefer it if I was well slept, if this website was in perfect order, or in the least this very writing was in perfect order and if there was a System in place like I envisioned prior. Poking and verbally prodding will not cater to my needs.

If I do not check in, that being check myself in where I hope some resolve can be found, my situation will very rapidly decline to a point where I foresee myself having no viable options as to avoid a very painful existence.  This will consequently lead to the eventual seeking in making good on a statement already mentioned above.  I don't know why I am letting myself be stuck on that idea, perhaps I just haven't let my thinking evolve while my attention has been elsewhere.

Incidentally, I want to share one more thing.  When I was approximately twenty-one years of age, maybe a year or two older, the person who mentored me, the one who taught me my trade, my craft, my means of living, the one who taught me how to work, he used to tell me to "Fly the Coup, Leave the Nest,  spread your Wings,  Go,  Get out of that House".  This resulted in one of those deep jarring dreams where I woke up in a drenching sweat complete with swollen digits.

I understand it while I am sure others may not.

I dreamt that I was a young bird in a nest.  I do not want to admit this, but describing it to myself at the time, I dreamt I was like a retarded bird in a nest working away feverishly to maintain that same nest, fixing, repairing, observing, guarding, keeping the nest going, looking after Momma Bird, keeping it together. Towards the end of the Dream, Momma Bird was aged and became weak.

My sibling birds, the ones who flew away long before suddenly came back with a mean self-serving spirit.  The same as I knew of them when we were younger birds in development. They cruelly knocked me out of that nest without any concern nor care.

Momma Bird passed away shortly later and they tore that nest to shreds to use and maintain the valuables for their own, as I laid on my back helpless,  wounded and staring up at the bright Summer's Sun I passed away,  lights out. Right then I woke up.  It wasn't a nice dream, but perhaps I had dreamt it as I knew my own fate.

Anyways, perhaps her Majesty the Queen, QEII,  should not read this, but hopefully the right Representatives can.  My intent was to write an appropriate letter regarding some key elements in things that I see. Nonetheless, this should be a lot better than the last over caffeinated, sleep-deprived, over-stressed and completely mind-blown attempt I made last October at writing the same person.

I wish I could put the words together for what I felt I wanted to have written here.  I had the words, this would been a lot shorter.  I cannot place them here now and I am out of time.

Perhaps the Hospital is a deeply unwise decision, I do not know. I do watch to see who follows this site from time to time.  If you are a 'Privateer' under contract, I expect you to do me no harm. You still have more deserving files to place your attention.

On a final note, for the Crown and all of it's subsidiaries, I sometimes feel I am a fool in my desires.  If the Systems worked the way people expect and feel they should, this outcome would already have been vastly different.  Chances are...  (perhaps I should put these thoughts down another day or not at all.  None of my thoughts are hitting the keyboard properly and not all of them should be shared. )

At any rate, I would likely still be very interested in asking the Crown to sieze myself as a subject along with all of my possessions in order to rebuild the events with absolute integrity for study and for modernization of existing Systems in order to increase their integrity and their efficiency.

As things stand,  there is far too much inherit corruption brought into peoples equations by even the best attempts at helping them.  I am not sure it has to be this way, unless by intended design.

Respetfully,

Dan Berladyn

PS.  When I mean seize,  I mean embrace with full mutual support as to what would be needed as I see it,  not for some other's agenda..

"Queen Elizabeth I revoked a thought censorship law in the late sixteenth century, because, according to Sir Francis Bacon, she did "not [like] to make windows into men's souls and secret thoughts".[6] During her reign, philosopher, mathematician, astrologer, and astronomer Giordano Bruno took refuge in England from the Italian Inquisition, where he published a number of his books regarding an infinite universe and topics banned by the Catholic Church. After leaving the safety of England, Bruno was eventually burned as a heretic in Rome for refusing to recant his ideas. For this reason he is considered by some to be a martyr for free thought.[7]" Source: Freedom of Thought - Wikipedia.