Hi Jenn,

I read somewhere that strong optimism is the best way to deal with people in depression.  Whether I can be defined as depressed, I don’t know.  I am certainly not in a healthy state, especially standing there with you guys.  That was actually embarrassing for me socially.  This for me, is something that is very deep to me in my core.  If only I had the energy and the flow in me to write, I could probably make you all see that and why everything just that way  for me.  I think I have lost too much time.

Can I ask something of you?  When you are sitting in your groups, or even just reading something I have written, please know that it’s embarrassing.  I write what I do and somethings about that bother me.  Sometimes I might use a word that is different than the words I have kept in my head for years, and the more important thing is that I look extremely dyslexic in much of that writing.  In the state I am in, I skip words when I type or I don’t quite see exactly how something reads.  I try to come back to proofread, I edit and make it even worse.  This is why writers usually need editors.  It’s common but not always this bad.

For me it is embarrassing because when I read it the next day or two days later…  I think to myself, no wonder why people think I have a learning disability.  In a month’s time or a year’s time…  I am probably going to question releasing that information, or I may even ask myself why it was so hard not to state more.  I don’t know right now.  All I know to share is that in Grade 5 or even earlier, I used to look up in the vents and check for camera’s before using the washroom.  Hopefully with that I can get a laugh out of you, or at least perspective.  I don’t believe cameras that small were quite viable back then for any purpose in that manner, not that someone would have.  Privacy has always been important to me which is my main point and I am losing everything in that regard as well.

By the way, I shared with a friend the events of that day.  With the history involved, he’d be no different, he’d be thinking the same things I was.  So I should be thanking you, I am thankful it was you people and not the RCMP.

I hope you all have a good day,
Dan Berladyn