This is not normal for me, at 4:00 am this morning or so, I was laying in bed trying to sleep yet again.  My sleep patterns are all messed up.  I pondered not sleeping at all before heading into Probation.  I didn't want to do that as I didn't know what to expect this meeting.

I finally fell asleep to awake to the Sun in full light.  Great, I am late I think.  I look for the Probation Slip, the one I placed aside for today, I need to confirm the appointment time.  I can't find it.  I don't know if I am actually late or not.

A quick brush of the teeth and fresh clothes, I quickly head out the door.  Of course, it's wise for me to make sure I have some coffee so I make a quick stop.  Tim Hortons is making a fortune on me.  Last night, I realized that I don't even have to order.  She knows what I want and the times of day I come in there.

Parking, I am always wondering if the Bailiffs will be around.  I've read their notes.  In some ways, I have to laugh about them.  Perhaps I will share another time.  Personally, a few of them are either inept or they have been intentionally doing me a favour.

Once at the Probation Office, I am a little upset that I don't feel clean, alert or even fully awake.  Thankfully, the lady who usually takes me name Officers me a warm smile.  She usually does, with the exception of the last appointment.  Maybe she heard I was posting about them here?

While I am waiting I take another good look at the walls.  They are clean, but I can't tell if they are re-painted or not.  I don't believe they are looking at the telltales.  The phone number is still not back up.

PO CHOW

Understandably, things are a little awkward.  She's trying and unintentionally, I'm probably not making it easier for her in my state.  I still do not know the full intent of this meeting.  She has an appointment at 11:00 am, so this meeting has to be rushed.  That is likely a blessing for each of us.

There's some awkwardness again with control, who's under who's control in terms of the conversation.  I never know how to answer some questions.  Questions like, how are you, what's new, how have things been going, that sort of thing.  There's never enough time in a day to answer them truthfully.

Psychiatric Evaluation

I ask about the Psychiatric Evaluation.  In conversation, I likely sound accepting of it today, even though I am not.  I think it is complete bullshit.  I also think Psychologically it does me more harm than good.  I have to write out my Stir Stick in a Jar analogy.  There are other valid analogies, like the

There are other valid analogies, like the Snap Shot.  How do you access someone's internal Psychiatry by a Photograph of a moment frozen in time?  I do not like you people; Head Doctors; Witch Doctors.  Any label you want.  Where is this Doctor in a Flock of Birds?  Where is he in Nature?  Where does he fit in under God?

PO CHOW gives me the location where this is to happen.  Nice area.  I can see these people dealing with junkies all day.  How does that affect their own Psychology?  Then they get to access me?  @#$% off.  That's all for the Bullshit Paperwork.  The decision is already made.

Pre-Sentencing Report

Perhaps this is the one I should pay more attention to.  I am to have another meeting with a Probation Officer for this.  My lawyer wanted to know.  Perhaps the world should know too.  This is the System. My next Court date which I won't write here, it's just another step in the long slow, (intentionally?) destructive process known as our Legal System.

I am left thinking, what a waste.  This conflicts with another case where I had stated I needed (5)Five Years to write.  The Judge stated I did not need that, that six months would be ample time.  Furthermore, I was offered a job to start today.  I turned it away as I had a Probation Meeting.  I am still waiting to hear if that job was successfully rescheduled, or simply lost along with many others.

Once again upon asking, I cannot email communications.  Nothing is allowed in writing.  It would be so much easier for me in many ways.

Almost forgetting, PO CHOW had to stop me to remind to set up another meeting before I left.  I can't write the date here for future reference.  That makes it too easy for the Vultures to find me.  As I get another "Yellow Copy" (I guess it does not matter), I am reminded how this is just a waste of my time.

It doesn't matter how nice they are.  It doesn't matter how accommodating.  I have no crystal ball and no matter what is scheduled, it just seems to land in the middle of something.  On top of this, it is too slow.

There are probably things I am wrong about in closing this statement, the last paragraph, but I'll end this post here. I hope these posts are not too uncomfortable for the people in the Probation Office. I sure wouldn't want someone this much about me at work, however - on the other hand, these people are writing legal reports on me.