I am too tired to write what I need to protect myself. Even the RCMP stated I look very tired and were concerned of my Mental Health.
For me, the truth is I distract myself heavily with Facebook, sometimes POF and sometimes Craigslist as I look for a place to live. I often buy or advertise items in Craigslist.
I replied to an ad out of curiosity. Seeing if I'd get a reply. I did.
- I'd have to review the text, but I was disappointed when the lie in the ad was brought forward and claimed as a lie. However, even this moment of truthfulness was another lie.
- I didn't believe the pictures when I saw them. Any sane person would likely believe the same.
- I think in parallel possibilities and often I get curious to know what the truth of something is behind the scenes. I am like this with many things. I think of the multiple possibilities and I let them run. Although, in state like I am I probably should have never of let them run, but that's the past.
- I thought this person was 14 and not for me.
- As it went on, I thought it might be the police. I guess it's stupid, but I was curious.
- I am actually disappointed that is was a loser crew from Surrey looking for YouTube hits. I am disappointed that I never saw that angle.
- I thought maybe it was some young girl who would continue on and find herself hooked on drugs and then prostitution. I wondered if it was morally right to exit the conversation, setting her free for someone to prey on.
- I wondered a lot of things.
- I wondered if she was a young person if she'd have that fresh innocent, clear, truthful insight into my family. Not that that should be asked of a 14 year old, but I suppose that that is just a reflection of my poor judgement while I am under all this personal turmoil. No home, no family, loss of savings, credit, finances, livelihood, health, pride, etc.
- I wondered if I should phone the RCMP about a young girl meeting strangers. Then I wondered if that was truly right, if they had the actual means to make any given situation like that better. Many things boil down to Personal Responsibility and that's I what I see lacking in the System. For example, the RCMP contacting her parents (if that happened) could screw the young person up more than if they didn't.
- I wondered what else this could be. Once the pictures came I didn't believe it. Lies. Honestly though, I am too busy and under too much vulnerability and strain to even attempt at settling curiosity elsewhere. Stupid on my part, but I think if you knew my real health as I struggle with the dumbest of things (unpreventable failures) you would understand.
- I never figured this would be a loser crew from Surrey trying to make themselves out as heroes on YouTube. They even threatened me repetitively here. They are morons in my view, their intent isn't to actually do good or to catch actual bad, it's to paint people so they have something to put on YouTube and pat themselves on the back over. That's their priority and that's where they go wrong. They are too dumb to see it.
- Aside from the above, I was too occupied with other things to execute the termination of the texts each time the decision came forth in my mind. By the time I was free I welcomed the distraction for the distraction. I don't drink my problems away, I don't smoke dope to forget them and I don't use other drugs, unless you classify coffee as a drug.
- I have to be honest with myself, but it life wasn't throwing me so many impossibilities I likely would have never of ended up crossing paths with these people or any seemingly false 14 year olds, allowing me a chance of distraction to wonder what the truth is. Or I suppose at the least, I'd have the mental freedom and capacity to understand the fire that I might be playing with as texts continue to come in while I do other things.
- I honestly do not have the luxury of long peace. I get a night here, a night there, but my world is churning upside down too continually to really have much mental capacity to think about why I am even thinking about things I shouldn't be thinking about. This is whole situation is a perfect example. It does not warrant my time.
- The RCMP stated I looked very tired. I am, I am exhausted. It's tiring, the simplest of things turn into mountains. A clerk in a wireless store forgetting a USB Cellular Data four days in a row. That was hard as I needed that for internet access to do things I needed to do. Things that now I still have not done. Or today's story on trying to pay a bill in advance. I mean, it seems insane the stupidity of something so simple that I cannot do because of stupidity.
- As for these clowns. I think they baited me into saying that I was meeting a 14 year old girl. Honestly, I had no idea who I was meeting. I kept thinking uniformed officers. That should show you my mental state at this moment. Just the fact that that wouldn't bother me. I didn't expect a loser crew from Surrey though. Perhaps some severely obese woman. I've met plenty when I was young.
- Anyways, this is an obvious sign that I am not in proper health. If wasn't struggling to find a roof over my head, struggling to keep working, struggling on how to reclaim my possession and store them/organize, repair them, etc. On top of Court, files mis-written etc. I'd never be in this situation right here, right now.
Brings me back to things I knew when I was young. If I didn't get out of that house and into my own, I was done. I was right. On the other hand, if I left... my intuition told me... what it told me. A Psychologist said I did the right thing, but if that was the case... things would right themselves. Or perhaps, if I have done the right things, why hasn't anyone else?
- Exhausted, I just have to leave this issue of the Surrey People and their Paint Brushes were ever it is. Preferably the past.
Just for the record, yesterday or the day before, I speed walked quite a distance to talk to a homeless man. I did that to help him and I did it to to help myself. I wanted to understand what he needed in life to move forward. I ask myself questions and I seek answers, I end up doing things most people wouldn't. Even like all of this above.
I woke up this morning and all of this was the first thing on my mind. How could anyone be so stupid? As the stress and situation compounds in my life my processing ability slips to the way side. I honestly had no intention... doesn't really matter. The words seem to be there to explain myself, but not when I come to the keyboard.
I wrote a friend, he understood offering good advice. Leave it alone and don't mention it. For me though, it was a "side" process. Something I never should have let enter my life, but I was curious as to what it was really about. Whether the reader realizes this or not, I didn't believe the person making contact with me was real and honest.
Look at the pics.
Look at the words.
They do not line up with someone of the stats claimed in the messages. I do play with fire, I get curious and I can entertain things to see what's behind the scenes. Although, I do have to admit, it's not even excuseable on the outside looking in. It's just I have a tendency to explore dynamics and what happens in life purely for the aspect of seeing all angles.
I can't even process properly at times. It's stupid of me to even entertain the invite. I am suppose I am just repeating myself, but I wanted to terminate those messages many times. It's like many things in my life, when the time is there to take action and follow through with a decision I can't because I am driving, or talking to someone else, or facebook is sending notice to capture my attention.
It's easily to fall of a track of though and end up somewhere else.
I should be careful in how I write this for identity, but there was someone I knew as a baby and I watched her grow up. As a 21 year old she was incredibly beautiful, perfect ten in most peoples books. People who worked with children would tell me how they wanted to put a video camera in her bedroom window. Another person, who knew her all her life too, he'd make sexual advances on her right in front of her family... he was at least 17 years older than her. I wouldn't allow myself the same thoughts, I'd always push it out.
I could site other examples that might be meaningless to anyone passing judgement. I am not going to worry about it unless it becomes and issue. According to the threats made to me, it will be an issue. I suppose I will deal with that bridge when I cross it.
I really didn't know who I was talking to. I did expect it to be anyone. I did partly expect that it might have been someone really 14. I even expected it could be some police operation. I expected it could be a heavy unattractive person looking for attention anyway possible. I suppose this all may not make sense, but I didn't have the processing power, or maybe more correctly stated the processing power to alot to making the right decision when the messages came in and were on my mind.
I would think to state something proper while I was driving, or doing something else, but by the time the next message was sent, curiousity and distraction would keep me sending another message in reply. On the chance it was a 14 year old, there was the thought for a moment that I wondered what a child would say about my family situation? They often have unique fresh insights that the rest of us miss.
I just think it's ungodly what my family has done. Of course, me accepting messages is easily perceived as the same.
I woke up this morning thinking, wondering if anything would come of this. So many stories I could share in life.
I had a great girlfriend with two daughters. They were 14 and 16. I was in bed with my girlfriend enjoying her as I often did. Suddenly she told me she'd have to bring the 16 year old in to help her with me as I was a lot to handle.
I was not only stunned for days over that comment, I was scared to go to her place. How do does a guy handle that?
I've had young girls approach me and subtly offer advances... I had to ensure I left the scenario and I did. One of them, was a young girl, I don't know her age... she placed herself in a submissive posture spreading her legs wide for me trying to lure me into conversation. I don't know her age, but nature rules all... and I had to walk away. It wasn't innocent, or niave on her part. She knew what she was trying to bring in the moment, she likely didn't understand in the longer run and I pity the fool who would take opportunity at such.
One of the things I asked the RCMP was consenting age. It was 14 years ago, but I know it's changed. I don't know if it's 18 or 19 or even 21. For me personally, I don't really like women under 30, under 25 is an even deeper cut off. Nice to see, not enjoyable to be with mentally in that manner. Well, maybe occasionally someone at 23 would be... mature yet untainted in a nice way, but... overall I am far too old. Most 40 year old women don't attract me, I can find myself wanting to pursue down to 30 years of age... but even that... I get scared they leave on anything committing.
I have to write this and then move on. I am not allowing myself the energy to process this event, even now days later. It's not important to me, but it could be life crippling. That's the point of making notes here. There really is other things to deal with.
The add I responded to was bait. I didn't know if I would get a response or not. In the state I was in, I sent a message anyways. Shortly later I was told the add was a lie. Then I was sent pictures and I felt they were a lie. Then I noted the words didn't match the profile.
I often engage in areas of life and explore environments I shouldn't. Even the RCMP stated I shouldn't, but the one thing is does is offer raw experience. Seeing the world for what it is, high and low, it gives realism to life. Of course, if you are going to play around fire, you might just get burnt as they flames may draw you in. However, I would rather experience life than live in a protective sheltering box.
I don't mean experience everything there is to experience in life, I mean observe. Study. Reflect. Etc. It helps me find answers to human questions.
As I tried to explain to the Police Officer, whether she understood or not... I think in parallel tracks. I often have several opinions and several angles I am looking at a situation from. In this case, I felt there was six. The people that started this, drew out and angle and a perspective that they seeked to find for their own glory. Their view, if pressed like they threatened is scientifically invalid. They wanted the answers they seeked.
Roughly six things I was looking at solving, figuring out:
1.) Why is this a lie? (the profile, the messages)
2.) Is it a Police sting? (Yes, lol, definitely a reason to avoid)
3.) Is it a 14 year old girl? (if so why? and will she be safe?)
4.) If 14, will they be lured into drugs, then prositution? (fact finding)
5.) If 14, can the above be avoided? (Do Police or a Responsible Person fair better at this)
6.) If 14, is she salvagable or already gone? (if already gone, why?)
7.) If 14, should I call the RCMP? (repeated thoughts, but always while I was busy with something else)
8.) If 14, innocent and naive? (does it do more damage to call RCMP, Parents, etc. creating a record or can they be steered right?)
9.) If 14, does a fresh, clean, young perspective on life help me? (Selfish and stupid, but I wonder what a child/youth would state in regards to my mother, siblings. The raw pure answer?)
10.) If not any of the above, who? (Completely stupid, but I was wanting to know who and for what purposes were behind the ad, messages.)
Again, I feel stupid I didn't foresee that is was a loser crew from Surrey seeking Self-Aggrandizing Glory. If I have to spell it out for you, they think they are hero's who are more concerned with pushing a YouTube channel and their over inflated ego's than they at actually catching what they have kidded themselves into believing they are catching.
I think it's two day later and I am still running this in the back of my mind. I am not concerned with it and it has low priority. The highest priority items in my mind I can't get to. Every time I want to do what I need to do, every the words are there I am thrown sideways by some event.
This one I can get some more words out. There's lots of thoughts rolling through my mind.
Last Friday
A client two weeks back suggested that we go for a beer at the local strip club. I couldn't remember the last time I went to one. I used to frequent one at 21 years old. I'd just go alone, enjoy sitting by myself, usually at the back of the bar. I'd watch the girls, but more so I would think about life. I think a strip club, at least for me, it's a place a guy can go alone.
That wore out though. I never really went unless with a friend after 22 or 23. I even came not like them, they are seedy.
Last Friday, I thought.. maybe I should have a beer. I don't drink. I needed to relax. Eating at a local pub alone the other night, left me feeling... like modern pubs are not the place to go alone. So I decided lets go to the Strip Club.
At the same time I was reviewing documents from... a National Source that I don't want to reveal. Something pure, noble and of high order. It felt good and it brought a lot of good wholesome, natural pure thoughts.
In the Club a girl came on stage. She didn't look seedy at all. She was incredibly attractive. Watching her dance and try to make eye contact with guys (attempting to command their attention) I noted that she was not "pure" inside. Regardless she was extremely beautiful, not the trailer park trash I have seen on stage at points in the past.
I didn't really care to give her attention. I was brought back to the things I would think about at 21. What I was reviewing on my phone was very wholesome and it was greatly filling me with high thoughts. High as in... of high order. Noble, pure, true, worthy.
I looked around and I realized I wasn't like the other guys there. Something I was instructed to do so many years ago. I felt secure. I wasn't really even interested in the dancer.
Suddenly another dancer was at my side. She wanted to lap dance for me. She was incredibly physically beautiful too. I didn't want to but in my state, I was weak, exhausted and emotionally drained. I was actually just happy to sit there drink my beer and look at what was on my phone.
I told the dancer that she's taking advantage of me. Might be funny for you to think, but it was true. She pressed harder saying she's leaving right away and she wants me to let her give me a dance. She just wants my money.
I thought about it briefly and thought that an incredibly beautiful women might lift my spirits, but I didn't want to as I was unshowered and I knew I had bad breath. I caved and I let her take me.
Inside the private area she told me how much money she wanted to lift from me. I was pliable and too tired to deal with the two different directions I wanted to take. Mainly the direction of saying no and walking back to my beer. I was already trapped.
She danced naked, an incredible body. I remember wishing I wasn't so tired, I might actually enjoy it. On the other hand, her tattoos and her robot like nature were very unappealing. To please me, she kept rubbing her very large, very nice breasts in my face. I asked her to stop because all I could think about was all the other guys she did that for.
Someone else's face being rubbed on her, only to be rubbed on me. Disgusting. Once it was over I wasn't enthused. It was nice to see a female body, a nice one that close in all it's detail, but I felt cheapened and I regretted it. I even stopped looking at what was on my phone.
I watched the one on stage dance. As beautiful as she was, she wasn't beautiful inside. I made the wrong decision. The Club was fine, allowing the dancer to coerce me to a private dance, especially when I didn't want it was... very lowering.
I left shortly after.
I just did a Google Search for the name I was given. The name of the Surrey Mc...? The idiots. I mean good on them if they were true to their cause, but they are only true to their will for building a name for themselves. They do not care if they harm someone innocent.
To my surprise I found they "nabbed" a bad RCMP Officer. I glanced at an article. Shouldn't judge a book by it's cover, but.. it certainly doesn't look good for him.
I don't want to look for myself. It will only work to add incredible stress which I have enough of. It's how I ended up here. I did note a date of November 22nd, 12:24am or something like that. Makes me think they uploaded me and shared my "predatory behaviour" (sarcasm). They caught no one with me.
I have to wonder if they clipped the videos or uploaded every single second of it. I felt baited in the questions they asked. I think I gave honest answers, but there was really six or more answers to each question. I was deep in the process of writing here when they walked up to me.
I didn't know who I was "meeting" or should I say who was "meeting" me. A 14 year old was a possibility. My only thoughts were that I wasn't thinking, low thought process like all these words. Just dealing with everything in the moment. When I said come to Denny's, I even thought it might be Police walking in. I didn't know and I didn't really care.
I did not expect a bunch of losers from Surrey.
I thought over the course of most of the messages that something was off and that is what prompted much curiosity. It was very poor distraction and poor decision making, but distraction is what I keep doing so that I do not bog down depressed about my life. I am everywhere keeping myself occupied.
The primary goals are to write my history. It might seem like I am avoiding it, but I am not. I have to do it when the words are there and life is just too unstable. I have to ensure I have money, work and a roof over my head. Not easy in these shoes with these problems I assure you.
2016-11-26 4:00am
I just woke up, still not fully charged from nights, perhaps even weeks of missing sleep but I thought I would post here on this topic. I haven't even read what I wrote previously. I know the first night, I might have incriminated myself with poor wording and poor mental processing. This topic is still very low on the list of things.
I could write the words exhanged between the Surrey McCatch crew (still think they are idiots) or the words exchanged with the Officers when I reported it. No matter what I do or don't do, no matter what the other party has done or not done, this is a really stupid problem to have let happen.
I was researching something else and I came up a government website regarding the courts. I noticed the RCMP Officer was charged for electronically communicating with someone under the age of 16. It didn't even register that that was a law, but I might have known it at some one. It didn't even register that I was without a doubt talking to someone under 16.
I knew there was a possibility it was someone under 16, that's what they told me after they admitted they lied. My instincts told me it was not someone under 16. Nothing matched up. The picture, the words, each bit of communication brought red flags. Just the things said etc. This brought curiousity at times... who and why?
In the past I have responded to ads trying to get me to sign up elsewhere. I get it on PlentyofFish too. I really don't get it. A lure to get your info? What do they do with your info? Those thoughts were with me on this too. Who and why?
One of the things I said to the Officers is that I am not "processing". What meant is that I am sorry mentally stalled out on higher priority thoughts and situations that I am not leaving myself any capacity to think on anything else. Everything else is literally left to think about on the fly. That's probably why I never terminated the texts each time it crossed my mind. Its also probably why I never deferred it to the RCMP when that crossed my mind on the second day.
Day three I think was the day they made the time and pressed to meet me. That was the day the whole floor fell out for me. Both places I had lined up to live fell through, causing a job to nearly fall through, collecting money from a person who I didn't would pay without runaround, contractors I do not want to work for trying to lure me in and Bell Mobility contacting me. I don't think the bank had started yet.
Add all the stresses of being behind on things I wanted to log and write in terms of the latest Court, Prior Courts, and the whole History. Add in the fact that I can't make a living as my tools and assets are on two properties I cannot return to, add in the fact I was barely connecting to the internet..
Meeting anyone for other than moments of distraction, distraction as in texts, posts on facebook, etc. Anyone for more than that is far beyond the scope or capability of the situation.
I wondered if the Surrey McCatch crew had clipped their video recording and just took the "good" stuff for their purposes, but one of the very first things I said was "you are insane". That was said to the woman (if I can call her that) baiting the words out of me.
She was insane because she and they were so intent on catching people, they were creating the problem. I have no will to meet underage people, I definitely had to will to sleep with them or do whatever these people want to state. One of the things I stated was "good, I hope you people catch whoever lures these kids in with drugs and then pushes them into prostitution".
That was early on, before I took a moment to lay an assessment on them. Either way, next thing I was being told was that I was the guy who puts them on drugs and yada yada. lol - Pretty sad as I have no drug connections and I don't do, or believe in them.
These people really are losers. When I asked for their name "Surrey McCatch!" was the proud and loud answer. Like Mike Holmes or Magnum PI or some... self inflating ego. I immediately thought what an idiot. It also showed me right there under all their threats just how stupid and self serving to their own egos and purposes they were.
It won't be me, but I think it was today or yesterday I realized for a moment that someone is going to get them. They are going to setup and screw over the wrong persons life and they will pay for it. This RCMP Officer, whatever the truth is there.. if they wrecked and innocent mans life and career.. he might just track them down and kill em.
As for me, I thought there was six different scenarios or so as to who was behind it. I am not even sure I typed it out in all of this. I was curious to determine a conclusion as to who and what this was. Obviously not a well thought out experiment or analysis on my part, but I often have personal questions on things I come across letting them play out for a determination of answers.
This gives me solid experience to see life in all it's true forms. What really happens in Society and where Society is at. It doesn't really help me make solid political choices as I can be quite dumb and naive, but subconsciously it seems to give me an edge. It feeds intuition, but I think I am far too gone with personal problems this year to absorb myself in any deep thought. I have no concentration, I need to unwind the problems, not add to them.
In any even, I haven't wanted to really write any of this, I am just letting words flow out. I'd rather write about other things. If this went to court, I would likely fail because court now in my eyes is just a sham. All predetermined and played for desired outcome.
You know, because I had no intent to talk to a child, no will too and for the most part didn't believe I was.. if these people posted me online like my cursory search possibly indicates (I don't want to see), I hope someone does in, kicking their asses really good. I don't like to wish that on people, but I didn't need all this distraction, added stress, nor do I need anything that might come down the pipe from it.
That RCMP Officer was charged. He "looks" the part, but that doesn't mean it's the Truth. As for me, they said I had "the pasties" and that I looked like I was on drugs... I say they are idiots and they are identifying with what they know. They probably all toke up themselves and in the least associate with friends that do more.
I had the pasties from incredible stress brought on without these people, drinking tons of coffee and smoking cigarettes, plus other health problems brought on that I even begun to explain. I will likely loose all my teeth from the degraded health my family brought on through all the stresses and then lack of personal care as my routine and ability to prioritize care fell out the window, over and over and over.
Did I mention Surrey McCatch and crew were idiots? They are. They are not catching the real predators, they are too lazy and too stupid.
Hopefully this is the last update. I could write out all my words to these people and words to the police, but really I don't even want to think about this. I was going through emails from March, wondering if I have them uploaded here on site. Then I decided to not bother, I feel really sick (nothing to do with this topic), I came back to my computer and looking at emails I opened the one that started this.
I remember before they met me that I didn't believe it was a nearly 15 year old as per the email I just seen. It was too late at night. I was curious who it was an why.
Looking at the email just now, I am surprised I said something I did, but I think if I remember I said it for two reasons. One I didn't believe the pictures, two it just fed the conversation in way that that was confidence building for the other party regardless and thinking right now.... it's something that most people admit to in private. It doesn't mean anyone acts on it. If I was 15, I would have been in love. Well, if I was 14 or 13. I always liked girls a year or two older.
On most texts, bits of information, etc. I didn't believe it. Ballet? Come on? lol - I didn't believe it. The pictures themselves I didn't believe. Then the language building each sentence, I remember they didn't fit what I believed would come from a 14 year old.
That's one of the reasons I talked directly to the woman and said your insane. I believed it was her, what was she a 30-35 year old drug user who probably thought she was smart pretending to be a 14 year old. You could tell in the messages it wasn't someone 14. At least my insincts told me so, just about each time there were messages.
I still don't care about this.
I suppose I only do because the last thing I need is this to blow up all over the next it 3 months. It would probably push me into the final stage of suicide. What a way to go, totally screwed over by everyone, then driven off the cliff by Surrey losers on a mission. These people should be shut down and I think Karma will catch up to them at some point.
So I suppose I'd be asked what I would have done if this person really was 14. I think, if I wasn't so caffeinated and strained from all the problems that day, just about everything in the works for a place to live and work, collapsed and I was stress, tired and I obviously didn't look good. Anyways, if all that wasn't the case and this 14 year old walked in...
One it would have been hard to be seen like that, those people there somewhat know me. Aside from that, if I was in a state I have been many times meeting people, I likely would have been psychologically assessing her, her background, society and everything that leads to this.
The only 14 year old I would expect to be doing something like this would be a broken one. Someone from a broken family, likely already using drugs, etc. I am not religious, but I study and think about life. I likely would have used what ever I observed to analyse family structure and society. That is one thing good religions do, they keep the herd on the right path.
Now if it was a 14 year old drug user doing stupid things, I likely would have been glad she met me as opposed to someone who would exploit it. I probably would have offered acceptance, because that is often what these people seek. If she was gone too far, I might have phoned the Police for Social Services. Honestly though, I think Social Services screw people up more than they do good. (just an observation).
If she was everything she stated, I have been very very very confused and surprised. Healthy, good looking young people from good backgrounds do not do this. At least not in my mind.
If she was lost, through low self esteem and not a drug addict, I might have tried to give her guidance. Just now thinking about that, a church group would be perfect as that's what it's there for. Especially with peers of the same age.
If that person really was 14, I likely only would have called the police in that scenario if I thought they were in or a danger to themselves. I seriously think Police and Programs cause more damage. Most Social Workers I meet are morons putting in a 9-5 day.
The Officer was right, I should have never of thought to deal with that on my own. That is for them. But I honestly was not thinking, the whole bit started as a distraction, I didn't even expect a reply. I wanted to back out of it when I thought of it, but I texted for further distraction I guess. I didn't even know what the law was until tonight. I glimpsed it while briefly searching on the RCMP Officer "busted". I didn't even look into his story.
Just to show you how much I wasn't thinking at all. When the group came in with cameras, I was not surprised at all. I was only surprised that they looked like such idiots. I thought throughout that it was something not right and a part of me wanted to determine that. I just wasn't placing any mental "processing" as my mind was always somewhere else.
The bank, the cell company, money, work, a roof over my head, court, etc. etc. etc.
This is going to drive me nuts if I don't write it. It's been sitting on my mind for days, I think since it happened. They baited me into my verbal answers... I just answered either honestly or at first reaction. I don't really care about anything I said.
Except when she asked if I thought I was meeting a 14 year old girl. I replied yes. It was a correct answer. Out of the 6 things or so I had thought throughout, about 1/6 of the possibilities that would turn out to be true is that she'd be 14. Or 15 or whatever was said. So when I was asked the question I said yes.
I don't think I had any true expectation of who it was other than to a curiousness to find out. It was super late, no 14 year old would be out that late. Another possibility was a group of Officers, I thought that part of the 1/6 too. It wouldn't have surprized me and I just didn't care as there was no "processing". I am totally over taxed, way past being over taxed. In some ways, this position in life over the last year or longer has blown my mind.
It's going to take a long time before I can begin to find mental balance. I need a stable place to live that suits my needs, I need to adapt to it, I need to come to peace and balance with having this much taken from me, if that's even possible and.... yeah, it really is one step at a time. Don't need pitfalls setup by losers from Surrey with nothing better to do.