Hi,

Yes, I was disappointed this morning to learn nothing happens till next Monday.  Now I have accepted that I suppose.  You know the danger of accepting outside help is being led astray thinking you’ll get what you need and you end up entirely somewhere else.  The same as Dr. Owen James in a way, some of that is my fault.  Maybe this is completely pathetic, I don’t know.  In the end, I haven’t even tried talking to my mother, but I know for me just how excruciatingly painful that has been in the past.  I mean, literally I was being killed inside while my oldest brother, who once stated I martyred myself for this house, laughed uncontrollably within earshot.  Or there’s talking to my mother about something nonchalant and unbelievably getting attacked twenty minutes later in text messages by my sister.  Approaching my mother is like asking myself to drop dead.

One of the things about opening up that has concerned me is how my dad would feel about family business and the name spread like I have done.  On the other hand, I know how painful everything has been for me.  I know how much he went through, and I know how much my grandmother went through as well.  She ended up in an old age home deeply regretting helping and hating her life there.  In a way, everything is my fault, on the other hand this house has almost been lost more times than I can count.  I think it was 1998 I almost went down with them.  I wouldn’t use any power, except for my computer.  It was so cold in here it actually hurt to type and you’d have to be insane to do that.  Maybe everyone is right?  I don’t know.

All I know now, is that I am not in a good spot, on many many levels.  I’ve wanted to write a man for quite some time who’s a bit eccentric and also likely a billionaire by now.  I was told he’d like my story, I want to do that, and I want to make sure I write for the right reasons.  It’s hard to write from the heart when you don’t feel well.

Thank you for checking in,

Dan Berladyn

Well, he still didn't make it onto the Billionaires List and I was interrupted from finishing that letter. Shame. A part of me wanted to ask him if he would put me out to Pasture on his large farm. Mainly, I wanted to thank him for the Opportunity I had had to work for him.