I have your wedding pictures if you don't mind me putting them into a folder?

not at all and thankyou i sent my daughter a invite to the group nicole gartley

It's open, she should be automatically added.

oh i dont know enuf about this stuff ill let her know though

I meant, she should be automatically added if you invite her. A member, like you has to approve someone.

As far as I know she is because the number of members went up by one.

lol ok thanks ill let brent and eeron know too .

Good.

and as for your writings dan ... write till you are in a place to feel better. you do have the ability to write . you are very gifted in that . when i stopped using drugs and drinking i wish i could have written like you do ...good job. and i always remember you staying with us . you just loved coming over . you always asked when dave or i seen you if you could come stay with us . and i loved having you . hugs to you my cousin

Thank you. I would be writing but I was awake until 3 or 4am.

i wish you could have come over more .

What do you think of the writings? The Day goes so fast... It's easier to write when my heart is in it. It reads better and I don't miss the important parts.

if it makes you feel better that keep writing . you are a very fluent and from the heart writer . it seems like it just flows out of you. .GOOD JOB dan

Who's it embarrassing to though, just myself or?

I guess my writing is not bad for a guy who didn't get past English 11. I should thank you, so thank you forbade compliment. Your pic on here looks good by the way.

not your worry if it is embarrassing... it is how you feel . i wish i could write half as good as you do . and i got my grade 12 in 2010

It's.. More than feelings but that's OK. I'm overwritten, I've written to more than what you see there.

danny do what you need to do, for you !!! that is why i had to leave the coast and only looking back now at most of my cousins and feel so blessed that im sort of still part of the family.

Yeah, it's not so simple for me. The right thing for me was 20 years ago.

Im going to show the house, everything you see is not everthing I have done. I don't have pictures or a log for most things. But uploading these was a start. Its best you don't post in there and its best you keep it to yourself for now. Private messaging me is ok on it.

Hi, are you free right now?

sort of ... hi whats up ? im making dinner

I wanted someone to talk to but.. if your busy its ok.

i can talk on here as im getting things ready. i have to go to work in an hour . i have 3 hockey boys living here so i need to get them fed before i go to work

I just feeling down, I think I messed up the conference call, it's too personal for me.

What do you make of everything i post? I am just curious? Its the truth.

dan please try not to be so hard on your self. ive been away from the family down there for alot of years and just only now i am piecing things together . i love the writings that you do. and it seems that you have done alot of helping with out any one noticing or giving you credit for it

Jim. Thats why. Thank you for at least taking that opinion. Im partly falling into depression.

i feel bad for you for all the bull shit that your family has put you through. and i wish when i was on the coast years ago i would have known some of this stuff. i havent got to involved with uncles and aunts but my cousins have always ment the world to me

depression is a very hard illness. im still recovering from my own shit that ive had to deal with and its always there. i have to really try to stay above it

I asked my uncles. Pete was good, Ike did nothing said nothing and he's the one who told me to stay here and help them. I talked to Dianne which... no one wants to be involved and then you get into he said she said. This is exactly what Jim wanted if i stayed. For me to have wrecked my life.

On the other hand they all screwed me up from leaving.

I get to leave hurt broken adn jaded.

Makes them feel better.

They just want me gone, it's all about money.

anyways thank you.

this is why i keep telling you to do what is best for YOU. and like you said you should have got out 20 years ago but hind sight is a wonderful thing, looking back at it today. MONEY is the root of all evil . it is always about money that fucks people up.

I knew all of this 20 years ago. I am not stupid. I was doing everything I could to buy RRSP's and get in a spot to buy a place. I had to hide that from all of them or they screw me up. After three years Jim found out and laughed at me, he said it was dumb. He took all of my steam away, my pride. I don't remember what I was up to... $14000.. the bank said I was very close, in fact I could have, but I wanted extra for security. I know if I ever stopped I was dead. You have to understand how much they depress me. Then I became lost for a bit, always helping here. No one would but me. Mom encouraged it of course and that led into a childhood dream. Then that's when they'd rub their hands together. I just kept pushing forward. It's hard to explain but.. You just can't succeed around people who take from you emotionally, financially, etc.

I think it was likely the same for dad. They laughed at him.

i type slow so bare with me. dan so many times i wanted to belong to the family but just could not wrap my head around what everyone was doing to eachother along the way. im so greatful that you found me on here and we have started a relationship again

Yeah, I know you got outcast. I think that was the drugs though, no offense.

But maybe it was better? look at me, you have no idea how hard I have worked in my life.

People used to tell me I was crazy because I would work so hard.

I've had a shitty life that wouldn't have went this way in a better environment.

i agree with you

Anyways, thank you. We will see eachother sometime. I am usually better at writing than talking.

if i can dan im here for you . and you are more than welcome. ive got 26 years in clean from drugs and dont think for one minute i could ever go back to that way of life . ive learned how to love me and worked very hard to get to where i am today. ive gotten alot of help form who ever i could and im on the right path for me right now and i can actually say now that i am happy . but i have to work at it every day

I know but for me, i have crashed into ashes so many times in this house only to rise back up. It's... there comes a point where you have used up all your lives so to speak.

i agree, so dont do ANY more let the others figure it out and you look after you for the first time in years. you do deserve to be happy and have a life no matter who laughs at you or belittles you . you are a man that deserves to have a life also. dont ever forget that dan. you too can be happy and do deserve that

Thank you. I am going to write, Facebook might kick me off. They deleted yesterdays post regarding mom and I can't see why. I'm too tired to comprehend what I wrote wrong.

I know, but for work and for my own self, I needed at 20 years old to not be taken anymore. Anyways thank you.

be careful with what you write. you are right they might kick you off and i dont think you want that your a welcome . thankyou dan for trusting me to talk with me

Thank you.

hugs to you

hugs back at you. thank you.

I'm so self centered right now I think all of these things are directed at me. These things being your prayer.

dan not at all directed to you . i belong to a prayer chain of about 8500 people . its for who ever needs a prayer to help them out .

please believe me i will not ever go behind your back . if i have something to say i will say it to you and will NEVER do so publicly ,

Well it did bring some thoughts. .

i care so much about you and now that we have reconnected after all these years i am not about to point fingers and do what others have done to you . that is not how i am at all dan

of coarse it will if you are interested or willing to think on things,anyones post can do that

i will never undermind you dan never! or knowingly do something to hurt you in any way

OK!!! I was talking to Mark and I didn't see your messages. Thank you.

I honestly don't know if my posting is in the best interests of everyone, including myself, but it's the only thing I can do. I'm scared I said too much about mom, but with yesterday...

Someone's helping her.

Hope you had a good dinner, I went to whitespace, made me feel better but I can't afford it. I don't have a kitchen and I can't really cook anyways. Glad to know you can.

i had to run to store for dog food. so whats up with someone helping your mom. i dont understand? im just asking . please just be careful what you write openly on facebook. you can always pm me if you want to rant . as for cooking oma taught me alot . my mom was always not close with me . so i didnt do anything with her . just my oma and i were real close.

Yes, I need to be careful at the same time I have to get my story out there so that my family doesn't go around saying everything is my fault. That's what they do to dad and he's not here to defend himself. I know I might be saying too much, but just about everything I am saying is already in someone's publically trusted hands. Do you my mom said yesterday that she's not asking for $28,000 from me just yet? When I say someone is helping her, I mean Jim and/or Lisa. They are the reason everything went the way it did anyways.

They are the reason I fell into debt. The reason I slide right out of control five years ago again, but this time right off the edge. they are going to turn me into a scapegoat unless I make it so they can't do so. In the end, no matter what, we all are losing.

Greed knows no bounds.

oh ok i get it now dan it is really sad that shit happens . yes greed knows no bounds. i agree. its just sad that others have to drag others down with them to make them feel better i totally understand

That 28,000, they are basically saying they want rent from when they made me suicidal.

what did the judge say

Most people that work with me know, many friends know, they don't understand the story.

That was a twenty minute phone conversation where I didn't say the things I should have.

It decides my imediate fate.

I'm probably nuking myself as much as them, but at least people can understand why. I know myself inside and I know what happens if I don't do this. Unfortunately, I also know what may happen if I do do it.

dan again im going to say ... you have to do what is best for you and start looking after you. not the rest of them .. just you . you are an amazing passionate man and you also deserve to be happy and free of drama and bullshit.

maybe this is the beginning of something great for you , and being away from the family dynamics that have hurt and used you so back , might be the best thing for you

I don't think I will be free of it. I probably have to live with them taking everything from me that I could have to have had a productive and happy life. As it is, I am probably entered the unrecoverable position already. That was even my word to an Officer in September when reporting a threatening behaviour by my brother in law who I haven't seen in over five years.

maybe you could think about going and talking with someone about where you stand legally . some one that can help you not come out as you might

I don;t have time or energy. I have tried talking to so many lawyers over the years that when friends gave me numbers in November, I learned I had already spoken to them. I did want to speak to one through December, but like many he had no interest. It's not a case most want. I did have everything ready to go including a similar case file and a lawyer in Richmond but I started prepparing to just leave in the first week of November. I shredded everything. Even mortgage approvals to do with this house from 14 years ago. I have some smart retired friends, they gave their opinions. I feel like I know even though I may not. I will talk to FraserHealth Monday.

They might have something, I don't know.

thats a good start and im proud of you for standing up to what is right for you . fraser health might be able to help you out with this stuff . it is very draining . i know it is .

Thank you.

anytime cousin .. im so happy we have connected . thankyou for finding and friending me

No thank you, the pleasure is all mine.

hi there how did your meeting go with fraser health ? how are you doing ? and NO i will not unfriend you

I told them what I told you last night. I am suppose to see a case worker next week, they offered me welfare, $400 which is peanuts sorry. Hard to explain properly. Then I come home to the cops who are asking about tenancy, the thing that will sink me. they've encouraged me to have assistance for housing. They have to follow the law, I have to prove I am not a tenant or I am fucked, they win. I fucked that up, the tenant bit in the 20minute phone call.

Someonefrom the group phoned the cops, even though I said I have already told the cops this.

I should have known that but I just wanted to get my point across.

The hardest thing is writing 10 different places and then not writing as good as I could and potentionally writings things that harm me.

How do I prove I am not a tenant now?

so now what do you have to do dan?

i dont understand what you mean ... not a tenant?

I need support and to remember what I am suppose to do. chatting like this helps but at the same time it hinders.

I am going to do what I was suppose to do last night.

I have to be alone now, thanks.,.. I need to write.

ok talk to you soon please be careful what you write no more cops

I'd just rather be honest with them and with everyone else. In the very least I am making them pay for their greed. I just don't want to waste city resources and be known for BS.

Making them pay is my siblings. They put me down since I was young you know. I guess I was bullied.

hugs to you dan i really hope this shit all works out for you.. i really do

If anything, Jim can wear his past.

Thank you.

hi, just wondering if your still reading. well, and how your doing too.

yes a bit i have just been nusy with work and my hockey boys.. they have won the last 3 games in a row. end of feb they start playoffs .

I don't know how you parents do it. I have a friend with young kids in hocky too.

hockey.

I let you do what you need, just the message was enough for me. You probably want to relax a bit if you have the time.

we have 3 hockey billets stating with us . 2 from calgary and 1 from kansas. so we go to their home games . . my son brent was in hockey for 9 years here in grand forks but i wouldnt trade that time for anything . we all love the game . have a good night im off to bed . work at 5 am

I know what that's like, or I at least I used to. Hope you enjoy your day.

Thank you Brenda.

My apologies

its all good have fun with it no apologies for anything

Perfect, love you. :)

i did it danny . if you leave group please please please stay in touch and if i have encourage you in any way it was NEVER to cause you harm ... please believe me when i say that . im so sorry if ive done anything to harm you . love you

You've done nothing wrong Brenda. I'm in traffic and I'm on my phone. I don't know how to explain my position. I feel bad for saying that stuff but it's all true.

never say sorry for how you feel and what is true . i do understand what you have been saying ... drive safe

Issued Ike for help at 16, 17... Stay home and look after mom. 22 or so he looks at me like he doesn't believe me. Same for years. 30 years... Ask for help continually.... looks at me sideways...4 years ago. Begging for help looks down his nose while Elanor complians of her leg. At the funeral... Oh life's tough you know... A couple flow days ago they are scared to.pick.me up from the hospital I might want a place to.live... Finally I meet them.. Oh this is the first I heard of it they say.. Dad was right.

Thank you for adding pics. Everyone should.

i have to find mine they must be at my daughters ... i dont have them

You don't want to know where I just came from or the topic. But people have debts and if I climb back up... Some are getting paid.

hugs to you dan you deserve so many of them

Thank you. Thank you Brenda I mean that. I do and I don't. I don't because I should have paid more. But then it's not that simple. You can't when your getting shafted, have no support and your going crazy. I don't because I should have been smart enough to.just punch Jim out when I was a teenager. I don't because I always gave him too much power over me. Same with mom. I don't know what I am saying. I just know I could have stood stronger instead of being so sensitive. But then even at that, when you are cut and wounded when you are young it's easy for everyone to keep picking at the scab. Do you know what I mean? I knew to get out of that house, bit there was always one card too weak to go. Not always the same card but... Other people would have handled it differently. That doesn't mean better, just differently.

The one thing I don't understand is how they feel good about taking and watching someone suffer. how does that.make them better? I'll never understand that. I'm being an attention who're or I feel like one. But thank you Brenda.

If you have to lie to tell your story then your wrong right? They lied to the police and to the RTB.

The RTB actually stated this was a very sad case. But that can be applied either way to either party.

I hope you have a good night. Keep the interest going by posting pics in that section. It's good for everyone.

i know the pics are a good thing . and i wish i could be there to give you a huge hug like i used to do for you . lying is not good . and maybe one day you will be able to stand up for what you think is right and be heard . thanks danny for trusting me . you can always text my phone too 250 443 5120 . i normally dont get to answer it as it is broken but i can text no problem . have a good night and thankyou again

No thank you. If I walk from there with nothing, that's what I get. Nothing. I'll only have one option when she dies. That's it. If fate doesn't fuck me over or if anything even left, I'll make it hard for them for as long as I can.

Doesn't matter though, the three of them will plot to out manouver the one of me. Anyways thank KS for the support. Without it for the last three months I'd be in real trouble.

i do understand what you are going through i have been in same situation with my brother and dads stuff but i do not want his stuff . that story for a different day . it was just never offered and thats the part that fucking pisses me off

Well.. lol.. We are talking about your brother. :-)

It's the principle though

Did your dad even have much? I dont think he did. He took my dad's clothes. I suppose some keepsakes and again the principle. The others have everything of value from that house and they.never put a penny in. They only worked to dilute my work.

Sad.

Someone had to lose as always in that family. Then theres Lisa, it's all about family... I wish I wrote all that was said over the years. Sad. But honestly I can't be friends with people who are friends with them. It does not work.

My mom treated tour dad like shit by the way.

I'm a bad guy for saying all this.

Rick disowned my mom too in the end, he vowed never to return to that house.

yes it is brother and my mom and yes its just principle . yes it is sad . thats why i left 27 years ago , im so fucking tired of being the black sheep and blaimed for everything that they did ... me and you are not that different . there is so much that you and your sibling do not know of what happened . maybe thats why your mom wouldnt have much to do with my dad

no you are not the bad guy at all ... trust me you are not

Your dad fell. And one your down people don't... They blame you and you never recover.

Funny how I knew all this stuff yet I couldn't bring myself to accept it. I knew iteven at a young age. It's like a slow car wreck you can't stop. Turn left, turn right. They hit you no matter what. I'd be about ready to leave if they I stayed the course set out last year this time. It's impossible.

Naturally too.. Who wants to admit defeat? If I did that years ago and left she'd have lost it.

Jim's a loser. His primary motive is keeping it fair. No one gets the house. No one benefits. Lol. But he didn't care if they lost everything.

maybe that would have been the best thing if she would have lost the house ... then no one would have had anything and yes that is sad

Ill never fully recover from this. It never had to be this way.

And who would be paying for her now? who would want to help her? It might have killed her. That's her whole world.

They'd be fighting over who has to deal.with her. I guess I am a n idiot I'm like a deer caught in headlights. I couldn't avoid it.

you are not an idiot dont say that

I was doing everything I could at a young age with a steeper climb than all of them and he laughed, not good enough. He's such a fucking loser.

No one helped him as he stole.and cheated everything in site. you should have heard him when he lucked out with that dealership job... I would javebeen so screwed if I didn't get that job. I'd never have anything... Two weeks later... I'm better than everyone. Just pulls his own chain.

I have to stop thinking about them. I almost don't know how to pull out of this.

Finances are the biggest problem.

I meant to.say something about your mom..

I didn't realize she was against you too.

But it makes sense. Not against you but undermining you.

when people judge you ... you nor i will ever be good enough . it took me a long time and i had to learn to pick myself up and dust myself off and smile at the world and not let them get the best of me. i will never let my mom and brother know when im not doing good . i will not give them the chance to kick me when im down . now they dont know how and why im doing so good with my life

Yeas that's the exact reason I can't know the family if I walk out losing. They thrive on it. Aunt Ann and Diane tell them everything.

Who knows who else. Your mom looks at me sideways.

ive become a very strong independant woman and i will stay this way forever. it was hard wok but i did it . .. no she always loved you ... your were such a fun cute kid everyone loved you

She loved gossiping about me, but she never cared about my feelings. Oh... Wait, your mom you mean? I dont remember much of her other than... Her smiles I guess. I don't think.we.interacted much.

Leaving and rebuilding my life...

For me to.fwel.good it haste be self determination, not thrown out. For me to succeed it's finances. I'm blown out of the water. Immediately over 2000 before I even pay for food and a roof. Bankruptcy actually causes more problems. It's hard to explain.

read what i just shared it is what we are talking about .. ... danny this is exactly how i live now ... that just came up on my wall

1.8 years to go and I'd have been debt free except for the truck which is just a work expense.

time for a new plan and a new start , only you can do what is best for you . but do it for you dan

Letting go? Yeah a lot easier when you still have legs to walk.

Yes I mean no offence, but this is not the first time. It's too hard for others to understand. I have to look after my work needs, it's like a noose that limits options. If I don't look after them my income cripples as does my enjoyment of work itself. if I had a gun o would have blown my brains out at least 20 times by now. It's not easy without the family bulletin, at that and it's impossible.

I have good reason to come back up, I hope I do.

It's just... One step at a time. Btw, people encourage me to.talk to my mother. I think that's a bad idea without a witness. I hope they encourage her to talk to me. She always knew who to.reach out to when she needed something. I'll let you go with that. Have a good night.

you too

Thanks Brenda... Im not interested in playing games online. I'm not sure if you sent that or its automatic bit I got a game request. The timing was funny, I was thinking of you.

Hi Brenda, I'm working on moving my stuff over to onyxblack.myqnapcloud.com/WordPress/ At the moment I want to keep it to myself. I don't know what any of this does to me legally and its all a works in progress. I wish I did it for the last twenty years and then just "released it".

i wont say a word but thanks for sharing this with me

Thanks for reading it. The only reason I don't want it shared is legally they build their case around me, I do the work for them. And two, it help thems navigate the future. Nevermind I am giving out information freely to anyone who wants to start messing with me. I don't understand what's wrong with the rest of this family. I understand Gail and Diane going through a lot. Maybe that's all there really is. The rest are too young or not on Facebook.

Im happy with you though,,, I could give you a big hug! :)

aww dan me too

i just got everyone fed and took a shower . came back on here and read your last comment . who can read your stuff when you post where you did?

The entire WORLD.

oh ok i wasnt sure if just me or everyone

Its everyone... its adouble edged sword. I can password it all but it just makes things difficult.

oh i couldnt find the pics i was looking for so nicole will try to get some from my moms i hope this weekend .

I hope you do. Why do the others not respond? I think my siblings all have communications with most of them. I know some are busy and some are going through things, but my position in life is deteriorating daily and I will be unrecoverable likely. I'm thinking Jim is moving this to the next level and those were papers he was carrying. I couldn't even leave here if I wanted to, he's not just hurting me, he's hurting her. Likely it's going to kill her. You know honestly, I bet you he shortened dad's life for money. Dad was really hurt when he left just a few months before he passed. I don't want court, but in some ways, bring it on I may as well go down fighting. It'll likely kill me.

By the way, I know you have your own life, but if you read damaging words, please let me know. I have no time for edits or even really to think properly as I try to get everything out. I'm probably hurting myself.

Thank you Brenda, thank you just for being here. I;m sorry it's not over happier things.

one day it will be happier dan

Only if I win.

All cards against me and I have no friends. The same way this started out. Only now she doesn't need me.

well dan you always have one friend / cousin in the world and thats me

Yes, I seem to and you are much appreciated. :) I was actually wondering if I had to run for the hills, if there was a life near you somewhere. Last year I was looking for a woman far away to start over with, but I didn't have these financial and legal burdens. :) Just health burdens.

there is always something somewhere . its very hard here as there is zero work . ive been at same job for 5 years now and wont leave cause i do get my paycheck of min wage but i am working.

Yeah... that's what I thought about where you are. There is never something somewhere because you can never get back what is took from you. You have no idea. I should be happy in my own home right now, I knew that 20 years ago, that I needed that to live and succeed. I am dead anywhere else.

Hard to explain my personal history.

I needed slow and simple growth, impossible in a sphere of takers. I needed stability and care. It used to hurt like watching my friends get support, not help but just basic support from their families. Mine was the opposite taking support and destroying your ability to build your life. You don't understand the side effects unless you go through it.

i know what you have said to me i have gone through and still do with my mom and brother . ive said this before . and i will always pay for what ive done or not done in their eyes no matter what i do , so yes i do understand being on the whipping post all my life ,

I don't understand your brother. He's not.. well, he shouldn't put down others. You seem more than fine to me. Your brother is ok too though, at least in my eyes. I suppose you never recover, neither will I. The sad thing with me is that they wanted to make me this way. It wasn't something I did. I just served their needs. Right into childhood... My siblings got if they pinned things on me, mom resented me because I liked dad. None of that is my fault.

no dan it is not your fault . kids are the meanest people in the world sometimes.

What about mothers? And my siblings are no longer kids, yet they are still mean.

I wish I could hit "play" from the things I have seen, then people would understand. Not only that, but "play" from my own mind when I'd work like a dog. Most couldn't and wouldn't raise their shirt sleeves like I did.

thats right dan they wouldnt because they had someone to do everything for them ... and yes mothers too...

Between you and me, I hate looking at facebook posts of pictures with words stating all this crap for mothers. It's not my view. But even in all that or all of this, I still have concern for my mother, she is my mother after all.

The good thing is, I now have concern for you. :) You've earned it. :)

why thankyou ..... that means the world to me / you mean the world to me too dan you always have . yes s she is your mother . my mother is the same . i do love her

I have a hard time saying that, I prefer to say I feel for her. I'm done with this page for now, you may read if you like. http://onyxblack.myqnapcloud.com/WordPress/2016/02/12/rtb-decision/

im loading couple pics then tobed i have to work at 5 am night and hugs to you

I look forward to the pics. Thank for doing so. I hope you have a good sleep.

i have wedding pics of you rmom and dad do you want them on here too ...

Please do. I have no access to the photo albums upstairs.

ok i will get some tonight then tomorrow too i found an album that my mom had and i copied from her lol

:) Thank you Brenda. I greatly appreciate it.

i still have the dress oma made me for your parents wedding i was flower girl

Wow. I'd lik to know things from then, what ever you remember.

when we meet up il tell you what ever i remember

Wow, your dad looks really good! In light of my words.. I'm not sure I should comment in there.

You should be proud, he was one good looking guy!

ya he was lol

Im proud of him for that.

this set is for you dan

Your dad doesn't get enough praise.

you ok with the pics

Yes, they tear me up. I've never seen them before.

Thank you.

And it's everyone's section, not mine.

You should let everyone know that.

You're an Administrator. :)

You look really good.

if you do not want your mom or sibling isn i cant let them in either

you made this for everyone , this is all for you dan

Have they asked? I don't want them in here but that's not the way it should work.

no they have not asked and i will not do that to you .

It should be open to all family and all family should participate, but maybe ts the definition of family that needs addressing. These people are not family to me and my extended family is befriending them so..

Ok

Thank you.

i will honor your word no worries

Thank you. I feel it should be everyone's decision but.. I can't control what others do or what they think. I am just glad someone else is adding pics.

ill get some more tomorrow night

Thank you. I have a whole new appreciation for you. My mother should too, you were her flower girl.

Thank you Brenda. I hope you have a good night.

i hope you are ok with the pics of your dad . i think ive only got them with jim

I am, it actually hurt me seeing dad enjoy little Jim so much. Jim really hurt him.

this is all i got and he was the first born so thats most of the pics

Its all good. They are pics I've never seen, if they are available post them.

ok i wanted to make sure you were ok

Well, I'm fine... honestly a lot of these hurt, but I'm glad you posted them.

sorry not ment to hurt you just enjoy your dad

I know... that's what hurts... but I'm glad to see these, we don't have pictures of him young.

he lived with us and when your mom and dad got married they still lived with us for a while

Yes, I heard that bit from others. I think your dad played a big role in dad winning mom over.

In fact, I am pretty sure I have in all upstairs in my mind how it played out.

I look at that pic you posted, Alex, Helen, Lena and Frank... The really old one, I look at my dad I swear I know where his mind is. he never changed.

no he didnt just got bigger lol

lol yes. Maybe in a bit I'll show you a picture of him near the end, I'm not sure if you had seen him.

I'm going to run out, I'll be right back.

wow thankyou

It hurts me to see that picture too. He told me his eyes got better in the end, he didn't need his glasses, his hair grew back in too. Amazing eh?

yes

i will add some more tomorrow ... sorry this is starting to push some buttons that i never knew could get pushed, but ive got a few more hope you are enjoying them

Oh for sure! My biggest hope is that others will contribute too.

thats why the tears . i do miss him sometimes ... i just wish one day everyone would know all the truth no matter how much it hurts , one day the whole truth needs to be said about a lot , sorry just hurts sometimes that i got robbed of a dad cause of greed

And so did I.

Write it Brenda. Then one day you can share it. I knew to write for almost 25 years.

Now a lot is gone.

dan alot of people will be hurt and i dont want to do that i just wish for once the berladyn family would just tell the truth of all the shit that all the kids ? cousins dont know about their parent . all the shit that i know and rick knew and we were older and that really sucks. ... sorry for the rant not meant to you

I should have spent more time with Rick. Out of this house, I was closest to him.

I shouldn't say this, but I was first to dig in the dirt and shovel a load onto him.

He left here for Edmonton early, he explained all that to me.

His dad and everything.

As for the Brentwood story... he didn't say much.

rick spent alot of time here and we talked alot of all the shit that happened through the years another one who had to get away from the berladyn clan to survive lol

Rick was... a good guy in nature.

yes he was we used to party when i was a teenager

Well, there's another side to that story too. The one involving his dady..

dad, I didn;t meant to type dady.

Your partying, Rick's business back then... was the reason he left.

Ricks words to me. Nothing to do with you, just Rick's... business dealings.

yes you are correct me and him did some partying together . his business dealing where why he left .

In fact, I have even have all that in emails, the night he shared was the same time I was in counselling. I actually wrote down his words and I don't want his kids to ever see them.

I'm more like his dad and my dad in those manners. What people do they do, I do't partake.

probably a good idea on his kids not needing to know

No especially the one closest to me.

I guess I should destroy that, I just got them in November. I had to pay for them.

well im off to the hockey game again . and you are very right dan we talk tomorrow . just keep them private so nobody gets them

hugs to you and thanks for listening me rant lol

Anytime for you@! Enjoy the game. :)

Nellie was.. John's wife, no that's Anne.. So Nellie is a direct Aunt, like Rose?

I know all this stuff, but always forget because I never knew them.

yes nellie was the sister nellie ann and rose

Thank you.

I don't know if you talk to your mom, but I did invite her. Maybe my name is mud there too. They probably told her I was crazy, they told everyone that at her place. Anyways, once your brother is in here I'll get him to invite her.

i hope she will

i think noicole is there and will get some pics for me and get mom on here im hoping

Yeah, I hope so too. She'll have a lot to add.

do i have to add this secret person

Either one of us... it's peter... is he asking?

who is this louise person

no i just didnt know but thats what i though

That's Rick's ex wife, she's in the photo's she's in and she's harmless... You don't remember her?

yes but not the last name \

ahh. ok.. Rick divorced her about five years ago or so.

Married a long time, Carrie's mom.

Adopted mom.

I kind of like how the black sheep have this group! :)

I won't stop someone from wanting to admin though... it should be open to all.

its all good i just wasnt sure about her i know her ,

we havent talked in years though and the black sheep thing is cute too

love you dan and always keep in touch if shit goes sideways get me a number and i can always call you ,,, i hope you are ok

6048377574 is my cell but it is going sideways

You have no idea the finances, the needs etc. No one believe me either.

i will add it tomorrow my phone is at work ... i forgot it

I'm I'm the hospital can't chat not allowed to use this

Not allowed to chat.

love you can i call hospital ???

public number?

6045204569

i believe you dan

ill call you tomorrow after work

OK, I hope to be out oh here by then but who knows. Don't the other cousins say anything over all this? You are the only one?

I'm waiting for them to take the phone so...

They said this was my fault for making the Facebook posts? Umm. Actually some of them a cousin suggested I say. I don't get it. I'm the actual vision here and everyone keeps hurting me more. They are actually going to drive me I to suicide with they stupid healthier system. Even the cops.. Must go.

dan i had said to write if it helps you and make you feel better but i also said to watch what you write on facebook . i NEVER ment to hurt you in any way. so if you are talking about me this is what i meant. journaling does help .

how are you doinmg?

doing where are you

Well, it's cold in here but I have a computer and a roof over my head. Thank god for friends.

I'm at a friends, I just had to phone into the police and let them know where I am.

hospital? your not there

No, I was released and arrested upon release.

Then released from being arrested.

The Department is working on Jim, Mike and Lisa's side. The officer, the mental health liason says she doesn't care that they financially destroyed me, pushed me into suicide, then destroyed me all over again almost killing me.

They care that I caused "mischeif" , in other words, they just want to fuck me so I am gone. Nice eh?

for fuck sacks why cant anyone get their shit together and know what to do lol ..so you are safe

Cause no one cares enough...

I said to one cop today I am probably wiped out and will end up living on the street. He shrugged his shoulders and said, yeah, maybe...

I don't understand how this is possible. Why am I the bad guy here? By the way, I think the mental health team works with the cops, they want me gone so the mental health helps them get what they need.

for fuck sakes dan that is shitty for you

Yeah, that's only part of the shittyness.. the other part will be the bankrupcty and everything that comes with it.

I will never recover.

A friend was with me telling the health people not to put me in the hospital as that would be the worst thing for me.

Nope, they knew better... throw me in the hospital for three days so I lose another three days pay... as it is, I could BARELY get by not missing that time, they didn't care. I don't them you'll make me suicidal, they didn't care. They knew "better" for me.

The system is really fucked up. I told everyone let me keep working and keep me as an outpatient, nope..

They knew better... I am sure they work hand in hand with the police to do as the police wish.

The police likely just want me gone.

i did a bankrupcy and it took me 10 years to get back on my feet but i did and didnt look back at the rest

Solves there problem, just like it solved my siblings problem and my mothers if I killed myself two years ago.

Yes, that you.

For me itll be much different, trust me.

Everyone tells me this isn't bad and that's not bad, but they are not seeing where I am coming from.

I will likely never recover,

But Jim wins, so it's all ok...

I think he fits the definition of psychopath.

are you out of the basement at your moms now for good

I don't know, that's whats not clear to me. If I am, I have to get as much as I can out now. If I am not it needs to stay there.

They are destroying any chance of life for me and they don't care.

Even the police don't care.

Uncle Ike doesn't care/.

I told Mark to go fuck himself because he told me to leave after he told me to fight. I can't leave, I have no money.

On top of that, anywwhere I go cripples my income.

They have never been family to me, it's always... hehehe.. lets take from Danny, all my life.

No one cares.

Dad did, but look where he is.

well dan i care and i have no money to help you but i do care

I don't want someone else money though, I want mine. I want what I worked for.

Unfortunately, others want it too.

Why make your own, when you can take someone else's? That's the thinking.

A good part of me always felt their gred killed dad.

yes i know a couple more people like that too

greed.

They fucking sick.

If I remind them that they laughed at mom and dad losing everything, they just say "You can't prove it" haha

Why? All this does is hurt everyone.

All they did was hurt the house and the means to keep it. They financially knocked me out, then they try to throw me out because I can't pay mom.

They are fucking sick.

The officer that deals with me says I don't care about any of that.. oh, I think you have a "nice" family.. Yes, nice to you you dumb cunt. Sorry to swear but it's true. They are nice to her... I don't understand how people live with themselves.

So now I need a lawyer, legal aid.

yes get legal aid at least they will help you

Im staying in a travel trailer, god it's cold in here. But at least it's better than government homes or something else

Tomorrow.

I do that tomorrow.

Thank you Brenda. Just so you know, do not contact any of my family members on my behalf. I will get charged.

i would NEVER do that to you

Just letting you know.

they are them you and me are us . never think i will do that to you

Funny, I don't talk to any of them and they had to make that a condition. I also can't post about them I don't think. I am not allowed to communicate, even indirectly.

My facebook posts tonight may be too much, I don't know.

dan do not talk about them at all use your face book to communicate and enjoy the pics and family you share the pics with .. dont include the rest of them

THank you Brenda, I need to keep doing something I need to be doing here, although I almost don't know what that is. I think everyone, including the cops are just trying to drive me out. Then their problems are all solved. Who cares if I kill myself.

Ok

i do

I will let you go though, try to enjoy your night.

you too danny love you and hugs to you

Thank you, love you too.

I appreciate the thoughts and the chats Brenda.

im very happy about that so do i dan im getting the pics from nicole so ill have more tomorrow to post

Good! Thank you for posting pics.

Thank you Brenda. I'm up and down. But I'm OK right now, I am however over-whelmed. This isn't right or fair in my eyes but I'm not going to complain about it.

im happy that you are ok . overwhelmed well that will come and go ... one day at a time dan and happy to hear you have heat lol

lol, me too. The overwhelmed bit though, this is a snowball I cannot control. Finances are going to lead to huge problems for me. Lack of stability and home are going to bring major psychological problems. My mind needs certain order and stability to work right. Those cops... they don't care. I'm seeing a Psychologist, but I think he reports to a case worker who likely speaks to the cops. So they... may only be helping me get screwed instead of helping me come to a healthy resolve. I don't know. The hospital staff was much kinder the second time around. I feel bad for telling that one doctor he's crazier than I am. I just had to go work and they wouldn't let me.

i just got this post and i think

You think which?

oh shit wrong button lol i thought of you and of where i came from so i will send it to you ... i mean it in a positive and loving way . it made sense to what ive been though

Ok

i just shared it but no names as i dont like to do somethings like that

I saw it. It's ice if that's true Brenda but from my side of the fence what people don't see... I hope you are proven right, but there's a whole aspect people do not see. I don't even know how to explain it, this has already been killing me for years and years... It's not a matter of strength to me, it's a matter of how many live's are left in the cat. How many times a ship can be patched. Sometimes I think people say things like that because it makes them feel better. I'm not saying that of you at all so please don't even offended.

Its like the cop the othernight, I like him, but he's like you can just start over... If he is saying that stuff to me then he doesn't know me at all. I'm a certain way and all of this was so deeply important for a reason. Anyways, thank you. I appreciate your care.

By the way, if I am found guilty I think that will be a failure on my part to have communicated the facts in court. I have a hard enough time showing a Psychologist, let alone a judge.

I'm gonna run out for something, have a good day. Oh.. I it's my dad, he leads knew what I needed. I keep thinking of him.

Dad wasn't able to give, or even define it at times, but he knew.

I was going to ask you about yours but then I'm scared I may stir emotions. Hope you have a good night.

have good evening we are going to hockey awards soon

ask anything you want

Good. I can see you really enjoying that.

The hockey awards.

they start play offs tues its just for the hockey team here

I was going to ask you on he relationship between you and your dad, but it's gone, the point I mean. Everyone's different anyways.

So what level is that?

My friends have their kids in.... Well, I'm not a hockey buff, it'll go over my head anyways.

I have to run out, thanks for the messages.

Hi are you around?

hi how are you tonight?

I'm good in the mind, but not good in overall health. How are you? Would you have time for a call?

i have to go back to work for couple hours and get paper work done . so i dont have tim e

OK. No big deal.

for a call tonight cant talk on phone at work but i can tx sorry .

I'm glad I couldn't go to uncle ikes. I can't know anyone who's friends with my immediate family. I just told your brother that on the phone.

I came back from the psychologists office. They don't want him seeing me as I am not mentally ill. You know that's a double edged sword. The illness would have absolved me of what's the courts are going to do. It would have absolved me of the police screwing over for the benefit of my family who's always screwed me over.

I told the Psychologist that I will likely kill myself at some point down the road. it's just the chain of events that I foresee. It's not a matter of being weak or anything I can just see how everything plays out. I've had too much taken out of me too many times. In some ways that last rebuild of my life was my last chance. People don't get it.

i thought yoou were going to legal aid ... they can get you another dr to see to help your case if that is the route you are still going to take

I don't have the resources to stay afloat for that. I'm already sunk.

legal aid is free

got to go ill check this later when i get home hugs dan i truely hope things start going your way very soon

I don't have the resources to stay alive, function and keep working. I've been through this cycle of getting my feet knocked out too many times. I've been through more emotional extremes than most people I know. I've been strained with depressions more than most people I know. I won't be able to take what's coming. I was trying to set up for leaving, it's not a simple process for me. I am in the worst shape I have ever been in financially. Nothing is as simple for me as it seems to everyone else.

Most people who give advice and form opinions take a lot for granted.

The cops fucked me. They worked in favour of my family and they've been fucking me since I was five.

Dad died young do you know why?

They didn't love him.

They only cared about getting.

that may be very true dan but your dad also did some things that others have and had a problem with and i think that is why he drank so much cause he hurt some people and didnt know how to fix it

got to get to work hugs dan

You should explain yourself on that. What my dad did or is suppose to have done. Everyone tellse I don't know this and I don't know that. Then they treat me.like an idiot. I've seen things I don't think any of them have seen. I'm also smart enough to compute so let me know what you referring to. I have ideas but I don't want to assume.

That's what others I find do. They assume. So please let me know what it is you are referring to. I've heard lots of stories. I pieced together peoples beliefs here and there, but no one has actually said it. In my immediate family, I think I knew dad differently than any of them. Much different. Maybe I'll give you a simple option. A. B. Or C. I won't be mad at you.

A. Took money B. Sexually cheated C. Other.

I know my mother well and I know the things she complained of. It came out through 40 years of living with her. In my view she stopped supporting him when the finances became a problem. Nothing else. Their love stopped when he couldn't make bills. I remember the history and I remember when they did and didn't show love.

No reply. I hope you'll have time for one. Try to enjoy work. It's good for us.

hi sorry just a quick hello and dan there was alot of money he did take . me and dave got kicked out of that house in langley because and i was 6 months pregnant with nicole . your dad and ike were the only ones who got paid . my dad always said that he had to look after your dad. . so we went with out . dave worked 6 months with no pay . frank ripped the timecards up and said that no time cards no pay. he was the accountant and only ike and frank could sign the checks. ike never went without either. . then my dad got mad when dave quit working for them . . dan there is so much that was done . i worked there with ike frank and dad for monthes, no pay but your mom and dad came to the shop bragging how much money they spent in the states on food and clothing for you guys and dave and i got nothing. . those are the times that you came to stay with us . you were my sunshine cause you were not like them you were such a happy fun little guy and loved to play with brent when he was so young . you loved the park and just play with not a worry in the world. i always remember saying to dave that i hope brent is as happy as you were at out place. now i say some of this with no intention of hurting you at all. frank was your dad and i think he did what he was able to do but could not keep everyone happy

dad frank cancelled the certified checks for the guys in the states for the 2 trucks that they stold. my dad spent 10 , 11 years fighting not to go to jail and did end up going.1 1/2 years in states. my dad would not let me give the cancelled checks to the lawyer. your dad knew a lady at the bank and they figured it out. my dad covered franks ass and dealt with it. he went to jail for him. . this is why i think frank drank. he was having a hard time living with the shit that happened

You haven't hurt me. I just have to comprehend it and check it against what I know. I completely believe you on Ike. I think he does nothing for no one. Dad, I have to process it.

i really didnt want to start all this here . i would have loved to just sit and talk with you in person

No your doing fine.

I'm OK with hearing this story. My impression of dad's drinking is trying to keep up with the pressures of the house. I believe your dad helped my dad.

A always believed that.

you guys were not told alot.. mrs reinie gave 80,000 bail for my dad for 1 year. then she pulled it and thats when my mom put up her townhouse and frank and marg got the money back. dan it was cash she put up.

I know frank told Alex he'd kill him if my grandmother did not.get her money back.

You have to understand my grandmother was... A completely innocent venerable person. It was good of her to do that, that took trust on her part. She was a nice lady. I hope you don't think bad of her. It was likely all she had.

Can I ask you somethings on Dave? Was he a hard worker? Why did you guys split? I guess this played a role?

my brother and my dad ended up not paying my mom back after putting a morgage against her debt free place so she had to sell it and move again. . pay their debt with brendon and dad and even frank got some of that money . see dan you are not the only one who is bitter.. they suckered her in 2 time . the second time was when oma died . ... i understand more than you think i do . i have alot of hurt and anger and sometimes im so fucked up and frustrated

dave was a hard worked 300% . franz taught dave for the first 2 years or so but frank wouldnt pay franz so franz quit working at ames.

See...

Jim chastises me with hatred telling me am dumb and all this stuff. Dad's not a nice guy etc. But Jim never tells me anything. Mom too... Always kept secrets.

Dad...

I have to process it and see if it fits.

we split because i quit the drugs and drinking and he did not, so me and the kids moved here to grand forks and he moved here a year later. we tried for about 5 years and i love him to the moon and back just not as a married couple. his wife and i are very close and they are looking at moving here because he is very sick

Understand I'm always treated as not good enough to be told. Then bad for not knowing. Bu the way, Jim's not a nice person either and I think mom was highly demanding on dad. She's bitter because she left someone to marry him. She was promised a lifestyle and for that, she married for money... Not love. Then I tried making up and even replacing the dad in many ways. Everyone laughed me. Then I was fucked. Can't get strong enough to go can't get what I need to stay.

i neeed to get the last of my paper work done and get home to bed ... i have to be back at work for 5 am im real glad we had this bit of a talk . dan i do understand alot. and fucking secrets kill people . it kills the heart of the innocent and people have NO RIGHT to do that to others

i think you are very right .

Thank you Brenda I unfriendly most of the family. I.couldnt do you and I'm.having a hard time unfriendimg gail.

Have a good.nihht. Thank you for telling me what you did. I have to.process it. It'll take a while.

hugs dan and love you i always have

Thank you Brenda. Love you too.

Well Brenda, I was thinking of you today, everytime I think of you I think of staying with you years ago. I'm glad you told me what you did last night. Little pieces of information all build the puzzle. I still think dad drank from the financial pressures, the demands from home, stress and emotional stress. Once he reached a certain stage he was done, he couldn't stop drinking. He cried to me, I knew him inside in many ways. I am sorry he did what he did to Dave and Franz. I'm not casting doubt on that, I think your the first person that doesn't piss me off in talking about dad's faults. Mark didn't piss me off either, but I'm not sure Mark comprehends the noose of being liable for a company, four snot nosed kids and a demanding wife, plus a heavy mortgage. I think my dad screwed up, but I don't think it's entirely his fault. I think your dad screwed up too. I never understood why he left your mom, or was that the other way around? I don't want to bring up the stories

If we were to just talk about my dad only, I think I understand what happened to him. I just can't type everything out. As for your dad, I think he was gifted with gab, a sense of adventure and he was a bit of a risk taker. Qualities that allowed him to start Brentwood, but those same Qualities likely caused him to lose it too. Maybe one day we can talk in person. I always liked hearing your dad's voice. Reassuring hearing all of them talk. I wish in some ways I could shoot the $%^ with them now. I am little more aware of life and a greater than I did when I was younger.

I don't want anyone to know, but I was in the hospital again tonight. This time they let me out. Different hospital and in some ways better staff, not better staff, but there was nothing, no sense of bias and they spent time talking to me. Although I was bit tired and not overly interested in opening up today. Fourteen psychiatrists now. I'm embarrassed for the waste of resources. Either PMPD reads my posts and messages, Faceook notified them, or someone in the family called.

Hey I'm laying in bed and I'm thinking of you. I should ha e dine my timesheets, I haven't done them. I'm sorry you werent given what we were. I've kind of analyzed it as to why, but I wanted to say sorry to you. If it's any consolidation I think I received the least of everyone. Second and third hand clothes, I was shafted on and many many my brothers got. I guess that's why we are so different. They complained about Fair and then took from me. Dad tried to help but he ended up just buying me off with the cash in his pocket. I actually understood it at that young age, but it.. It's hard to explain. Dad and I were alike, both shafted. I'll tell you of the game of life one day. I saw everyone's locked position there. Dad and I came in last, we both hurt, no one else even noticed. Dad and I were bound for eachother. Anyways I'm sorry you hurt for us.

In my early twenties, falling into the trap, I part conceded or justified that I was paying my debts back to my parents. I guess you always look for ways to coax your losses. From everything you said Jim still bugs me. He did tell me Franz was not paid, or bits of what you did. But I am not sure Jim ever connected his demands on dad and then the things dad did to deliver them. Life was all about toys to those two. We were better than everyone cause we had more toys. All about getting. I remember I must have been five when I was at a friends house. My first friend. I knew right there In his backyard my brothers were wrong. It's strange the things I'd pick up on. But I knew my family was not right. It hit me like a flash. I'd have a good childhood with toys but Id have it rough later in life. A family valueing the wrong things. Anyways your probably sleeping. Ijust wanted to say sorry you went without for us. At some point our needs over took yours. I know why but these are enough messages.

wow dan thankyou so much and then this is not your responsability so please dont take it on .. thankyou . you are the FIRST one to even try to understand what happened . ... my mom and dad split up because he wanted to be with shirley . . when he was with her he was with other women . if they had money he would use his gift of talk and sweetness and the poor woman would give money and her heart and then he bailed .. dan he did this to MANY woman . ...thousand of dollars . fucking sick as far as im concerned but he did know how to play the game. my father taught me how to lie steal and cheat . never any love . he was always too busy to spend time with me . he ruined my brother . thats a different story . then my son brent . thats another story too . thats for in person. no one knows all the truth of what they all did . they took alot of secrets to the grave with them

be back in a bit

Yes, thats fits with my view too. I have to be careful, he is your dad and I feel understand and have a forgiveness toward him. I'm not taking the responsibility o completely but it is a sons duty to correct the mistakes of his father. Blame is a hard thing to lay on others even though I do it. Everyone is a product of their genes and environment. My brothers I can find fault with easily because they chose to hurt me for gain. I actually feel bad everytime I take a shot back, or even when I just speak truths. My dad. Your dad. We'll talk sometime.

i would love that

Me too.

Hey, I remembered something I wanted to share. Dad said others lied. I believe dad. If you have time what do you know about tge gas station story? For me, it's just more for fun. I know of two brothers stating the same story, but only one showed emotional pain. If you don't know it doesn't matter, I'm just curious on what you know. Im just analyzing dynamics of people no longer here. Thanks for being a friend Brenda.

Hey. I have others things sometimes I write things and I refine my views after. These messages are likely read so I'm just embarrassing myself and my father. Hopefully one day we can talk. I'm surprised you never responded buts it's OK. Enjoy your weekend.

i respond when im back on here . i do not use cell phone for this stuff. im on my laptop . lol so maybe that is why the long wait in responding. and i was at work till late the other night and did not get back on here . hugs dan

It's OK, your life doesn't revolve around me. I just get caught up in hopping, or expecting a reply. I should do that. I have to laugh at myself here, I'm typing and consciously thinking these words will be read, studied and interpreted. I can't explain.

At one time I was good at choosing words and timing very well, completely cognitive of all the dynamics around me. Study that you fucker. (not you Brenda).

ya i got that lol dan

Typos there's typos above too. Phones are the words to try to write on. I stopped and visited the Coquitlam RCMP today. They sent three cars and six officers here on Wednesday. They left a message to contact them. So that was my intent, to comply. I also wanted to show them I am no threat to their members. An 80 year old friend reminded me of a few things the last time I seen him. I literally have no choice. I lost my ability to shower where I am staying today. Things just keep getting worse and more complicated.

I didn't mean to thumb that up. I'm reading on psychology, I'm curious do you have email address? I like to anchor emails by CC ing them. It's up to you.

my email does not work . im just on here till i can get it sorted out . im not good on this shit at all . i still write letters and send them through the post office lol

That's good though. I like old school. I just could never write properly that way. I make a typo and I start the whole letter over again. Well, I used to do that. It's so much easier type when I can edit as I go. But admit, I don't spend the time I should editing and letting things sit.

For some reason, I always have to send an email and have it done to realize something I stated a little bit wrong. Naturally, it's too late by then. Trying to fix creates confusion, but I like it better than speaking.

It's easier, as there's less two way communication. Body language, tone, pitch, judgements etc. It's two ways for me because I will often note my audience and try to process how they are perceiving the spoken words.

i do like writting texting alot better than in person sometimes... like you stated . too much to see when with someone ... at least this is very non-judgemental

Yes. I haven't amazement in the past. I've written letters where the reader never met me. We he finally did, he was visibly shaking. Words can have a powerful effect all on their own. I wish I could dial myself in because court... I fear for myself and what I am going to do in there.

Freaking typos... lol sorry, I'm too lazy to rewrite it.

i have to get dinner ready and then off to game so il be on here off and on till 630

Oh, I didn't know you were still paying attention. I read your post last night and remembered you were busy with hockey.

Thanks for the messages.

what happened to you and the berladyn group it says you are not part of the group ? just asking

I left after posting that message. Identify know what's on my file at the RCMP but there's something there from the look on the woman's face.

I'm fucked you need to understand that. I can't plot a course. I do not have what I need.

It's downhill everyday because I can't function. I lost the ability to shower today because my friends son is half nuts. I'm lucky I could use someone else shower but, I have To go in people's homes for work. There are so many tiny details that people do not comprehend. Oh he's working he'll be fine. That's like saying Brentwood hasorders for trailers with a half a shop and have the tools. PMPD pushed me out of that house and theyve completely fucked me in doing so. At least I could sell things to make up the loss of cash flow or crank out my taxes for a refund to make up the losses. I cant do anything to fix the crash thats coming.

Hi are you? I noticed your like. You're like the lone supporter of someone who.cant defend himself but who's pretty adamant about being right only to end up doing wrong. I'm interested to see what the charges state exactly. I'll try to find that this week.

ive been the same way dan for years . im my only supporter too ... other than my kids

I can't understand this extended family. I can't explain my problems, but to me they are so freaking obvious. That's a suicide note in that Berladyn section you understand that right? Why the fuck don't they? Doesn't matter, they had all those years to help when it's three vs one, you saw dad's picture. You know mom never worked, if you know her she's actually highly dependent on having people help her,but she likes to.beliwve she's so independent and successful. I just can't believe nobody stood up for me. Gail said, I think theres other things going on with you. Sorry Gail, this is what happens to someone in my shoes. Jim knew it, he laughed at me and said no one helps, everyone works against you and you go crazy never recovering. That was near the beginning in adulthood. I can't help it, I have a bad habit of saying fuck you, I'll prove you wrong or die trying. I will die because I can't prove this in court, the history is there. I'll likely lock up, blank out, and get screwed by a prosecutor because I write too much. It all boils down to.jow I look politically. I can't even shower or properly function. I'm living in a trailer with no facilities. No money because I took too hard of a hit prior to this. Do you understand why I said I cant be friends with them all? I wonder if I shouldn't just post all my emails to Facebook. But even,as much as I write I still don't state enough history for people to get it. People don't even understand why I can't just rent an apartment and move on. Some.completely get it, others are clueless. A major part of that is my income source, never mind personality, traits, interests, etc.

Everytime I look at me, it like a domino effect. I look at how I got here, each problem. As I go.back through to the roots. Over and over again it's the family that doesn't care about anyone but themselves. Mom cared but she'd get scared around the others... What can I do?

I want to leave this alone and let you have a good night,but I don't think I'll even qualify for legal aid. They'll saying too much moneyed they won't actually represent me anyways. Not in court. I have no money I am just barely able to work after what you can consider being part time for six months or longer. Stress really kills.

Have a good night. I hope your enjoying a game or something.

i have no idea of what you are talking about a suicide note ?????. i have not seen that

The post should be there, that's why the RCMP sent three cars and six Officers to my friends house. Eventually they got me at work. My third trip to the hospital.

Different hospital, different doctors and a untainted medical/psychological review. They released me as they understood they only do more ha holding me.

More harm I should say.

The first word is Goodbye in the post. Tania saw it. She thought it was sad. It's just easier being cut off from those who don't help.

I have Angina, do you know what that is? My heart.

yes i know what angina is . i was a paramedic for 13 years

i dont see the post you are talking about

Funny. I wonder if Facebook removed it. Can you let me in for a minute, into that section?

lol. I don't know how to find the group and you don't know how to add me.

i will try and yes the post is there

That's fine. I just wanted to.know.it was there.

you are in now i found it

it wasnt there and now it is

Id rather keep my word and stay out. Tough on Gail about Diane.

I'm going to.copy.it

i really dont know what to say to you dan other that i really hope you truely get closure and recognition for all that you have done and i hope all of this shit works out for you in some way. i dont understand why they cant at least acknowledge what all you have done .. reading that post make my very sad that life is so hard that you would have to even publicly write about how hurt and alone you are because of your family . anyways dan ive got to get to bed 5 am comes quickly when i dont sleep well . . will talk tomorrow or next day night and love you

Yes itw late. Later than I thought. Have a good.night and a good.day tomorrow.

hugs

I smell, you don't want to get to close to me. I should burned gas and drove to the rec centre for a shower. I have to stand next to a manager tomorrow. lol. It just compounds.

Have a good day for me.

lol

I had to re-read your story on dad, Alex and those trucks. I don't understand how your dad went to jail for mine. I honestly can't see my father intentionally making a deal with someone and stolen trucks. I don't even see your father doing it in desperation. Your dad was smarter than that. From the things I knew, your dad found that deal, they bought them unaware, and tge FBI stung them, not caring that they didn't know. They were Canadian. Later they dug up that Americans property and found all kinds of things. Maybe they would have bought parts in desperation, like the crate that "falls off a delivery truck" scenario, but I can't see either of them knowingly buying stolen trucks. My dad wouldn't be so stupid, he wouldn't stand for it. My dad told me he told your dad not to deal with those people, but they've gone to the grave like you said. Would that be why your dad wouldn't show the lawyer the cancelled checks? My dad was president? I think your right about Franz and Dave, my dad probably hurt inside for doing that. I know he hurt a lot from home. They spent too much, four kids, and he was the youngest trying to keep up with others like Ike who had his house paid off. Your dad.. Why he did that to your mom... She's and you were good to forgive him. Too much partying and not looking after business.

I don't know, maybe your dad got conned or perhaps he was desperate. But I still don't see him being that stupid to buy a couple of stolen trucks. Dad said the FBI treated them like a mob because of the Cadillacs. In all honesty... I wonder if my dad and your dad took too much pride in being Presidents. It takes a certain character type like Pete to successfully do it. You have to stay on top of the bottom line.

And you have to pay your men. I think probably did that out of drunken arrogance after losing and losing and losing.... He likely would have felt bad later at some point.

Hence your theory on his drinking.

I'll give you a break. But your dad taking care of my dad, Theres a story behind that.

Was Brentwood fairly successful when they built that big Port Kells shop? I have a feeling they rode that high and had a hard time adjusting when the markets changed.

They probably had big ideas of doing well, then the bottom fell out. A 40 man shop is a big shop. Lots of waste if you don't keep your eye out there. Dad told me stories of dealing with the men. Guys throwing grinders at eachother, fighting. Etc.

See I don't know what kind of financial position your dad was in, likely not very good after losing Brentwood and leaving your mom.

But being partnered up with Ike probably would have been a sore spot. His house was paid off, less pressures... It would feel unbalanced.

As far as your dad taking care of my dad, you have to know the history of baba insisting that when he was young. Of Pete buying him chocolate bars to treat him and I think Alex taking it on through Brentwood. I think your dad made my dad a lot of promises and encouragements including his marrying my mother. I could be wrong on that, but that's how I've seen it. You so know how they met right? Doesn't matter.

I just thought I'd share thoughts as it's not a bad distraction while I consider what's happening to my life. Hope your enjoying your night.

Do you know what would happened to your dad at Brentwood? They drank, that's a given, but they also drank with customers to sell Trailers. That's the way a lot of businesses sold back then, and I bet you there was flirts secretaries as there always is around Presidents of companies. I know of two Berladyns who would have... I dont know of anymore and I don't want to know. But I assume that's what happened in the old days before I was around. I remember that shop when it closed you know. My brother Mike said to look around, I'll never see it again. I stillborn in there every now and then, it's a drywall supplier now. Funny eh?

I get insecure sometimes, is there more to this or.... Just wondering why you haven't replied. I saw hockey somewhere on your posts again.

my daughters friends kid and my boyfriends son ... no worries ... not you i just thought it was a funny dig to them . and dan im so burned out from every day working and dinners and late night games and traveling ... but all worth it . hockey has been great. i took sleeping pill to get some sleep . i only sleep couple hours a night

I can't function with only a few hours sleep. I felt dumb after sending that. Sometimes I see everything as personal, probably because I am taking this situation so personally. Sorry.

dont go there lol i understand ... i will NEVER do something underhanded to you . if i want to say something to you i will in private not in public dan . you really need to trust me with that

its all good

I do. I just get caught I think in not hearing a reply. It's OK, I'd likely chat lesson life's going better.

ok okay . i just get real busy right now and the boys are moving into the 2nd set of playoffs so we are at hockey alot more and traveling 3 hours extra a day when they are out of town .