Hi, I'm not really much for using facebook as you can see. I am doing well, but the economy concerns me, I'm nervous actually. Aside from that mom is back, Lisa is staying here with Ava and well everything is one day at a time. How's everything with you guys? I heard about the work situation, it happens to the best of us. Anyways I hope everything is well and say hi to Mark for me. Take Care, Dan

Hope your Mom had a great time! Yeah, the work situation sucks. But this gives me time to spend at home with Brianna, and to concentrate more on school. So, it's a good thing! How do you like having a baby in the house? Hope they are doing good. Is Colin down here with them as well? I will say Hi to Mark for you for sure. He is on Facebook... I'll tell him to add you! Tania

Thanks Tania

Hey Danny, didn't Get a chance to say a proper goodbye today... Hope all went well and see you again soon!

Was nice to see you again today :)

Hi Tania, yeah sorry I didn't hang around. I'd explain, but I am best off not too! Hope you are well. Dan

Hi Tanya. I just wanted to thank you. I honestly don't know what I'd do without the help. Thank you so much.

PS. Brianna is growing up quite well. She looks good. I'm happy for the two of you.

Hi Danny, i wasn't much help :-( But, I am genuinely saddened by the situation and hope it can be sorted out as smoothly as possible. I hope Mark gets through to the RTB tomorrow and you get some answers!!! If you need anything let me know.

Just love, Support and Encouragement. A family that's all I ever needed. Thank you.

:-)

How's it going, Danny?

Hi, I was working and thought i was seeing double earlier today. You did message. I am tired, I did not sleep last night. I went to work with zero sleep.

You?

Sorry to hear. You're going though a rough time, so I hope you can at least get some rest. Take care :-)

Tanya, are you able to help me find that form online to respond to the Notice of End of Tenancy? It's last minute, but it had to be this way. Thank you.

I'll be home in a little bit, msg you then. But if you're filing a response it says it needs to be sent to the board and not to the landlord. Let me check

Thank you. I'm not sure this can actually be done online, I think you guys are wrong about that. Probably has to be on paper, signed, dated, etc. to be a legal document.

It's not an online form, it's a form found online. It's a fillable form but yes you have to print it and have it signed.

Ah... That's exactly what I thought. So I am hereby late. Thank you

I stand corrected, looks like you can apply onlinehttp://www2.gov.bc.ca/gov/content/housing-tenancy/residential-tenancies/tools-and-resources/online-application

It's a $50 fee but it appears you can apply and pay later

Mark said it was submittable online. It's OK, I had a feeling it wasn't, I can only blame myself. Thank you.

He may have thought so because I was filling it out online, but didn't realize it had to be printed regardless. But, look at this link, you should be able to apply for the dispute resolution online: http://www2.gov.bc.ca/gov/content/housing-tenancy/residential-tenancies/tools-and-resources/online-application

Thank you.

Really? Seven? Are you sure?

Ask Brianna... it's easier for her now. She'll remember it later that way.

Positive! My mom was an alcoholic, so I'm pretty sure I buried earlier memories

Yeah.. you created mental blocks right?

Yes

That's what I am looking at in my like. Except, I don't block the memories, I block the natural reaction to a path I should take in a similar situation. I think I am usually shy to talk for instance because I was always shut down from doing so. Everywhere in this family. But I can't blame them for my problems, I just have myself where I am at.

I just have to fix myself where I am at, I meant. We all do.

it takes work.

You look good in your pics. Whose airplane is that?

Your family shut you down from being allowed to talk?

That was a Westjet plane :-)

Yes, in many ways they did. It's not like were evil, my brothers were at times. But I had a speach impediment in Elementary. Looking back, I knew it then too, it was just a combination of events that lead to emotional stresses. Like everyone else, your problems compound with time.

There was actually a lot of problems for me, I was a true underdog in almost every situation in my life.

Which speech impediment?

Stuttering.

I would stress too much before talking openly, unless it was someoone with an established relationship.

Anyways, my point is... your kids, those are their developmental years. Everything you do for them now, will give them strength in their later years. If you make any mistakes, you should try to correct them before they compound.

I was never apologized to, never told I was loved, never heard the words sorry.

My fiance stuttered in elementary and high school as well. It is so tough, but I feel the most important thing is getting the support you need at that time, and I'm so sorry that you didn't get that when you needed it the most :-(

They may have changed me and where I am now. Butterfly effect. Sometimes I have watch myself around Brianna. She needs encouragement and love.

She does. Parenting is hard sometimes.

I'm laughing because I can run my life from practically birth in memory like a movie and watch my own development. It all leads to right here.

Yes, it is. That's why I have to be careful where I lean blame.

That pic by the way, I wish I was using a different scanner.

It's adorable. Innocent...

Colours look sick. I have a really nice scanner in a box under my desk.

We all were that way. At least I hope so. I couldn't imagine an evil looking baby. :)

Hahaha ! I meant before the world starts to place weight on oneself

Yes. We could advance so much further if we created a better society. We've gone backwards in so many ways, I think people may be getting dumber.

How are things? Have you talked to your mom at all?

No. You have no idea the tax on my health over the last three weeks. I don't want to tell anyone except those the closest. It's deeply personal what can happen and for now, until my family is dealt with I want it internal.

I'm in a maze that changes when people learn. That's the reason I have to keep it close.

That's a deeply private issue, for sure

yeah, but it's public information now. However, it's still sealed as far as I know.

Public? Do you mean to family?

No, Governing bodies. It's common that stress will kill you, that's easier to make happen with me.

I haven't even looked at this stuff yet. They posted another notice. The next step.

Notice of Dispute Resolution Hearing.

It's January 15th. I'm not sure of a game plan yet or any options. However please, do not leak this back to them. That's very important to me.

I would never.

That you. It always my core to.collapse and I'm back to square one.

Thank you I meant. If you ever had time, I'd like the webpage for delaying action. The $50 fee thing. My mind needs love, pride, Support, low stress and rest. It's important to all my health.

http://www2.gov.bc.ca/gov/content/housing-tenancy/residential-tenancies/tools-and-resources/online-application

Thank you. I will look at that this week.

Today is Dan Day. I need it.

You definitely need a day!

Or two. lol :) Love you.

:-)

Is there a Calendar on Facebook? I know it's dangerous, but a person could write out there life and only show the pages to certain people. The downside is the third party.

A timeline of your life?

Yes. But you place that with.. the "entity" of Facebook and who ever else they share it with.

Doesn't really matter though, everthing is logged and stored everywhere. I've read the entire internet is downloaded and stored at regular frequent intervals by the US Government and who ever else.

Even your PC is full of back doors.

Obviously no page for Brianna on here?

No, no fb for Brianna yet!

That's probably a good thing

Yeah hahaha

Oh? I thought it was to do with the house issue

It is, I just meant... its not Mark if thats what you meant. An outside party, who has a diploma and is legally bound, lied. I've called him on it.

Oh no I wasn't thinking of Mark at all! I figured you had added another person who was going against you :-(

He is not my fight though, not right now. You know, I don't have the strength, but I feel like... WORLD -> Bring it on! I'll take on all of you! :)

Sorry to hear :-( hope he gets what he deserves for lying :-(

Well, who knows what's going to happen. For me, I just feel like all roads lead to the same place so I may as well speak. I have no problem and I probably encourage you to stay safely distant. If go up in flames, I don't want you to burn your skin.

But private encouragement is welcome by all means. Even needed in a way.

I just can't exit this world with them not only undermining any chance of building something for myself, but denying what I accomplished. I was told I was successful in my goals, my lowest anyways... keeping mom and dad going in this house.

They are not taking that without hearing from me.

I wish you all the best in your fight, although I'm sad it has to happen as such (a fight) when your contributions should be recognized

They should have been protected from day one, like I struggled for. It has been a fight all of my life. If this is the exit, then..

Anyways thank you.

Anyways, hope Brianna is happy. Man I can't believe how thick her hair looked!

Do you have thick hair, I can't remember right now. I was up till 6am writing.

She's definitely happy, man lots of homework this year though. An hour to hour an a half per night at times. Her hair is so thick. So is mine!

I don't really understand that, most chinese I have known and all I can think of have fine and unthick heads of hair. Maybe I'll pay more attention in the future, there's all kinds of different regions over there. It was just really really poofy on Saturday night.

Must have got wet and frizzily or something.

It is if she doesn't smooth it/comb it. I'll have to ask if she has a comb at Mark's. And I get my hair from my dad's side :-)

What's your dad's background?

Just Caucasian, but he had huge frizzy hair, so did his twin sister

There's different Whites like there is different Chinese. Doesn't really matter though, I was just curious. I was born with tons of black hair, now I have none. :)

Black! Really??

Yup, looked like a little indian (native).

English, from England I believe

Makes sense, many here have English in them. We do. Mom's side.

My dad would be half English and half Ukrainian

I forgot my grandma was Ukrainian

lol - kind of like us I guess. We are part Irish too. A lot of people have Irish in them.

I should go get something to make sure I sleep, I am so tired. I can't stay up that late.

Melatonin! Or gravol works for me

Perhaps you can help me try those, I'd rather stay off prescriptions. I refuse sleeping pills, this is something different I am going to take.

They are over the counter, melatonin is natural. Gravol is actually for nausea but it conks me out without the grogginess of sleeping pills

That sounds good! The stuff I took left me sluggish the next morning, I'd lose my drive. This prescription if I can find it is a different stuff that's not suppose to do that.

But you know, I don't trust these drug companies and $6 pills.

I hear ya

Tonight I need something that works though, I am really tired and I am stubborn about sleping sometimes. Staying up can wipe me out for over a week,.

Hope you find it :-)

Thanks, its going to be in the truck. I like to be organized, with these problems and this unhappiness it becomes impossible. I've lived like this for years. But that's... mine and everyones fault and yet no ones at the same time.

Have a good night.

Got it! Not in the truck. :)

Thanks! You too!!

I bought both things you said, took a bunch of each, plus what the doctor said. Still tired today. Woke up early. I think they all worked putting me to sleep, I just didn't get to sleep for hours and hours and hours. :)

The melatonin is pretty mild. The gravol is good for about four hours

Hey Dan, how are you doing? I saw your Facebook post... Looks like things are getting underway. Hope it goes well for you. I had a professional question, do you have experience with soundproofing? Namely, soundproofing measures in a rental house to provide privacy between the main and basement suites?

Yes Tania I do, but there is no chance I can handle any of that for you at the moment. I am sorry. I have allowed myself to be distracted enough because this whole situation makes me too sick. I just came back from Mark's. Do you know what Tania, they actually might have succeeded in killing me. I do not have time for your sound proofing I am sorry. Thank you for the help you have given, I can't have further distraction.

Oh Dan, I'm sorry, I just was looking for advice

I know. Its ok... As much as it may seem like a bad thing to you, I think the worst mistake I have made is not to be writing over the last month.

I keep distracting myself hoping I'll feel better enough and clear enough to write.

What's a bad thing to me?

The post I made, Mark said he didn't like it and niether did you. he was trying to caution me not to do it.

Those people make me so fucking sick.

I never told him I didn't like it. I just told him that you're vulnerable right now. Mark said he didn't like it

I think it's freeing for you. I'm afraid of the consequences, but I'm not disappointed that you did what you had to do

I'm afraid of the consequences too, but if I dropped dead tomorrow with out doing it, they'll just tell everyone I was crazy and they'll have no shame. They don't care. You know what Lisa said that's on my phone in text messages? My broken phone? She's ok because she doesn't steal from family. I don't know Tanya, I didn't think stealing was right period, especially from people.

But she steals from non-family? Lol

I know myself and I know there's emotional needs and then there's physical needs. I may be completely unrecoverable, especially the more they push. I can't believe she (mother) is that stupid she doesn't talk to me. Lord knows I've tried for years. I will get sick if I attempt it again. She needs to move to me.

They are sick.

My grandmother regretted helping her too. Biggest mistake she made, she was deeply regretful and unhappy.

I haven't met a mother yet who would do to her own son. I understand, somewhat vampires who marry guys and soak them, but consuming your own kid? Exploiting them? That's what's happened.

I actually feel bad for posting what I did about Jim being gay, but there is no way I should have remorse for him. He's fucked.

Is he really gay?

I don't know. Many have asked, perhaps just super insecure or.. who knows. He's definitely super insecure, probably cause he's scared someone will do to him what he does to others.

What kind of mother cheats her kid? I saved her and she just sits back and lets them destroy me. She even laughed at me, that's when I popped and blew $20,000. I couldn't take it anymore. You have to see the story in a lifelong journal, I will miss too much writing main points.

Are you going to write everything in a journal? A memoir??

I don't know, all I know is Mark says to lie or it's going to end up bad at the BC Tenancy. I don't want to lie.

Lie about what?

He says I should state I've never paid her a penny then they can't kick me out like a tenant. I don't see how that's possible.

Well, I understand his point. It will get referred somewhere else, not that branch of government.

But two wrongs don't make a right, maybe I am stupid, I don't want to play games like them. Never did.

I wanted to be honest and to work for what was mine. I'd have nothing to feel guilty about. Then of course... the situation here...

OH right, he was saying that she never claimed the rent on her income so there'd be no proof

I don't know. I think I screwed up by not writing and not hammering them in shame.

My father used to cry to me that his wife didn't love him and his kids laughed at him. Then they blame him for drinking.

Sorry.

I didn't even sleep last night.

Lisa was here last night and hid in her car, hiding behind her hair waiting till I went in the house, what does that mean?

She pretended she wasn't there.

That's strange

I don't know if it's guilt or not wanting to screw up a perception of winning by mistakenly communicating. I don't want to talk to them because I know they lie. They could twist something without a witness. Theyve done it before.

Makrs right, they just want me gone. Her friend said that too. Then I am out of the way and everything I worked for or tried is theirs to do as they please. You have no idea the cost of staying here to keep them going, not just the money given, the money spent on the house or the thousands of hours of work, but the drain of pride, esteem and sanity. It's huge.

Can you move out and sue them for the work you put in?

Or are you going to stay and start to pay rent?

No, that option left a long time ago. I am too far in debt, I am too sick inside, my health is long gone, it's like a catch 22. Besides all that, I need different things to survive properly than a basement or apartment. They are sick fucking losers. If they had any brains they would have stayed out of the way and let me leave on my own accord, that's what I was trying to do. They just make everything too hard.

Staying, leaving... everything.

I am now going in the hole I think because I haven't been able to keep working like I would be without this bullshit.

In some ways Tania, it doesn't matter, I am unrecoverable now. That may not be true but I have a feeling it might be.

:-(

Sorry. I have had twenty years to write everything out and I haven't. I don't mean to make you sad. Just do one thing for me? :)

Build Brianna up and make sure she knows your her friend and that you love her. i didn't get that.

I will definitely do that

Hi Tanya, any thoughts? How are you?

I'm OK, you??

Tired, lonely and not sure what anyone thinks.

Best not to think, sometimes :-)

I don't know how I cannot.

It's impossible lol

At least for myself

How are you doing

abcess tooth, no job, poor health, low money and I've... lost steam in direction / perception. You?

No job? When did that happen? I also have issues with my teeth, I have to extract my wisdom teeth plus a molar in a month

This problem has stressed me out so far in the past that I my health deteriorared and it took my teeth. My mouth is in terrible shape and its impossible to stay stable to look after it. It first came 1.5 years ago, it just came back back after november and stuff.

comments? i could use natural thoughts.

What did I just read? Can Jim read it? Has he?

What thoughts did it leave you with? I'll answer, after you.

It made me wonder if Jim had anything to do with the demise of your parent's relationship... I never met your dad unfortunately but I know that your parents weren't together and he was with someone else at the time of his passing

Jim can read that, so can anyone else on the internet. World Wide.

Dad finally left four months before he passed away. Yes, he had a girlfriend, but he had nothing here.

What was that note?

That's my dad trying to get something financially out of the house. In my opinion, Jim had no right to be involved. If anyone did it was me, I was the one paying into here and working here to keep it going. Jim took full control, "fuck him" "he only gets this" "that'st he way it works" etc. etc. Realistically, it would have not come to that point in this house if Jim didn't involve himself. His inheritance has been on his mind since at least 1997. He's... something else.

How was he involved?

I'm not perfect, but I've never been able to straighten out here. Toxic environment that leaves me empty.

He helped mom give dad as little as possible. You can say he was protecting mom, but honestly... the house was 50% dad's legally. And honestly, how do you choose one parent over the other? Do you choose the one that's going to benefit you most? Or do you try to stay nuetral?

Same with mom and I in this house. Do they have a right to intervene, scheme and plot for their own gain?

They left, they abandoned the sinking ship, the problem.

I work and bail bail bail... then they jump back on board and grab the wheel.

It's easy to make me out as a loser, I am depressed, bullied, full of issues, pushed around and unable to defend myself.

Someone has phoned upstairs... been a long conversation so far.

When is the court date?

There is no court date. There is the phone conference in three days.

I hope this is helping you heal

Those toddler pictures of you are adorable. Such nice eyes!

THank you.

Youre best not to comment in the group 560foress dr. Just thought you want to see.

All the work you've done there?

No, not all. maybe half. I don't have pictures going back 20 years.

still up?

Yup

are you busy? I need someone to talk to for a few minutes... I don't want to bother you.

I have time

Baby is sleeping in my lap

Would you mind phoning? 604-937-7574

I can't :-( baby sleeping

Msg or text is fine

I know, but for this I didn't want to type. I feel down, I just spoke to another cousin. I know Jim has gone around to the family, I can feel the wall around me. Mark is the only one.

I don't know.

:-( I can call tomorrow?

Yeah, I'll have moved on by tomorrow.

Or if you want to grab coffee

Maybe coffee, but I have little time.

What's your take on what I have written? I think I should keep going because if I don't they'll gear up

After Friday I don't even know where I'll be at.

Honestly it's very vague! But I'm sure who you want to target knows what you mean.

Vague to me as an outsider

Ok

I've written so much to so many places that I am not sure if I've crossed a line or not. Really I should probably be hammering them as hard as I can until Friday.

Friday is the call? Is that through the RTB?

BC Tenancy Conference

The police are not allowed to give an opinion but even they... stated I am not a .... I can't write it, I don't want to hurt them. They legally can't offer such things.

It must have been brutal growing up with your siblings

They can't advise.

For me, emotionally, yes. Mother too. She just swept everyone under the carpet, bitched, watched soaps and gossiped on the phone. But I am a bad guy to say that.

It's hard because things hit hard when young and stick throughout adolescence and adulthood

They fucked me right up. It sounds silly to an outsider, inside.. they fucked me right up.

LEGO was the only thing that saved me.

I understand Jim's problems... younger kids "took" what he felt was his. But in reality he got so much more.

It's hard to imagine, I only have the one brother but I couldn't fathom treating him poorly. I may have been not the nicest when we were little, but as adults I couldn't even think of hurting him.

No, they probably hoped I'd kill myself, except for the legals.

Even mom's friend said they all want me gone, that way I am out of the picture and they can do what they wany.

want.

Cost me my entire life keeping mom going.

That's extremely shitty

Do you have pictures of any stuff you built with Lego?

But even my cousins, seem... to buy into thier story. Dad supported me, he's all I had.

No.

What do the pictures of renovations say to you when you see that?

That you put a lot of work, time, effort, expertise and care into that house

They'll say I was crazy and destroyed the house. They made it impossible. They even egged them on, spend my money fixing it up!

Good, thank you for that comment.

Legally though.. there's issues that I know about.

OK.

I feel better, thank you.

Issues with the house?

Issues with the renovations. No permits, no inspections.

Everything is better than it was.

I could be homeless after Friday I don't know.

I really hope not

I'm kidding myself if I think he won't be relentless. He's got no... sense of guilt.

Thank you. You helped me tonight.

Honestly Dan, I'd prefer if you kept this to yourself because I really aim to be as impartial as possible. But you were, are, will be my favorite cousin out of your siblings

Thank you.

I can't do it alone. That hasn't worked for the last 20 years.

40

Putting it out there in public is the only thing I can do. If I drop dead, at least my words live. I just wish they were better.

If I did drop dead, they would just go around and say I was crazy. Anyways, you don't want to hear that. But thank you for listening.

You're not crazy. You're real, and your heart is too big for the rest of your family to understand you

Thank you for that.

Have you considered blogging? It's still public, you can link on Facebook, and maybe organize your thoughts as you go?

It's too late. At least here it's confined, it's well known and well seen.

True

Thank you though.

How are you doing

I am extremely tired and disappointed I didn't write more of what I wanted to.

There's other things, I have wanted to write which are positive to a few people. And then Ji

Half typed that last bit.

I'm out having dinner.

Enjoy :-)

Thank you it was really good, but too expensive. And Thank you for checking up on me.

Where did you go?

Denny's. I don't know how but I fell onto a habit there. I have no kitchen and I'm not a great cook anyways.

Yum

Expensive!!!

Dan, how did it go?

My mother does not love me.

The Conference Mediator has to rule whether I am a Tenant or not.

I did not lie, but I could have been more prepared. My words... could have been better. I am very tired today.

:-(

When will they make their ruling?

Mailed out with in a month.

That'll buy quite a bit of time

It buys me nothing in my view.

Buys time to move out of a toxic environment?

Interally I need things to function, like stability.

That is why I was doing everything I could at 19 years old buying RRSPs so one day I could have my own home. I needed it to function. I got laughed at by Jim.

They suck the life out of me.

:-(

You're not the only non-homeowner around, it's a hard market

It's going to get really bad for me because chances are I will not lie like they do. I was always honest until everyone pushed me into a certain direction.

That's tough, you're a moral person

How are you today, Dan?

Just starting to feel functional. Tomorrow I go to FraserHealth, I just hope I feel good when the appointment starts. It takes me hours to get out of morning mode.

How are you?

I'll probably have throat cancer at some point, I am smoking 4 packs of cigarettes per day.

Im sorry Tania. I just hope my immediate family isn;t pretending to you all that they care about me.

What kind of appointment?

Four packs is a lot!!

She's a nurse. We start from there, then I get a case manager.

I've already met them both.

I'm almost out of money.

Is that covered under MSP?

It should be, which reminds me, teh bill just came for that.

Your immediate family and I haven't talked at all. I don't have a clue how they are responding to this mess.

Bullshit that we pay.

Isn't it?!

We never used to pay for that.

In the older days, before our time.

I ask because I went to the Dr with post partum symptoms but he told me to go to a psychologist and that my extended health will pay for it...

I was hoping to get some help without having to pay...

So it's pretty frustrating that mental health is not a priority

I think you can probably see them, but if you have benefits and such they will probably likely just listen you and refer you to a psychologist. I could be wrong though, I don't know. Look up their website, FraserHealth.

They offer many mental resources.

For me it's more than that, mental, legal, financial.

I don't want to blame my siblings or my mother, but it's true. They are selfish and they are takers. That's what my psychologist said.

I think with me, I think we are all stuck in the dynamics of childhood. The three of them locked me out of the house in the rain when I was Brianna's age or younger. I was playing by myself and Jim got the bright idea while he was baby sitting.

I think that was the last time he did.

Baby sit that is.

http://www.fraserhealth.ca/your-health/women/

It's so true what you say, the dynamics of childhood

My appointment with the pyschologist is basically about deep rooted issues from childhood

have you tried EMDR therapy?

Personally, I don't feel like I need anything. I just need to win, what that means is many different things.

That counselling and all that stuff. That's just burns energy, time, pride and resources. The world will tell me I am wrong. I think my mother is a bitch and I also think I should have ended up with this house.

It was entirely possible.

But I was the kid she didn't value. She has no problem taking from me and giving to them. Why? Because I loved my dad more than her. If I go further back. It's because I wouldn't be her dress up dollars anymore. That's when Jim won my title of favourite and I knew I lost my mother forever. The cops said I was sharp, I remember just about everything.

I'm lazy though and I like things simple.

My.problem is that my core as a person is messed up. That's from years of imbalance and being taken from.

Dad's a bad guy cause he wasn't home and he went bankrupt after spoiling everyone, including mom. They travelled lots, spent more money than any kids parents I knew, and there was four of us to feed.

Dad was not appreciated.

Like me.

THat's pretty terrible

Dad wasn't perfect either though, but I don't fault him. His heart was in the right place. He cared. I think he was a better person than I. Smarter. More personable.

I'm selfish too in a way, but I don't like taking from people. It makes me feel guilty.

Business might be different though. Maybe there I don't mind charging too high, but then sometimes get told I am too cheap.

Are you still working?

Are you not working today?

No, I had to stop. This affected me so much I couldn't.

Probably up to 27,000 lost now in six months.

Add in what I am spending....

I might lose everything I have, which will tear me apart the rest of my life.

Jim brags on Facebook about having his school items. I lost mine because of him and I've never left this house.

Funny huh?

I'm on maternity leave until March

Lucky you in a way.

What is it you do for work? I was told but, I forget.

That's what I mean by being selfish. I don't really pay attention to other people's lives and I am terrible with names.

Bookkeeping, office supervisor

Hmm... I wonder what's it like to be normal like other people. 9-5 life in control.

Most people couldn't hack the places I have worked. Even the best ones, it can be a tough trade.

I wouldn't say in control lol

Drywalling is tough

I can't do much I used to do.

I should be able to, but the health effects from this house. I used to have to keep workings while wanting to puke my entire insides out. Employers and Co workers watched it all.

Sometimes, I even stood at the edge of balconies wondering if should just jump. That's how worthless they made me feel.

This house is worth a lot of money now. I don't know the financials, likely the only one who doesn't, yet I am the one who set the goal to keep it going. Isn't that sick? I'd always be the last to know when mom's going on vacation and Jim would check up on me here. Reporting. Losers.

She doesn't pay property taxes, there's a mortgage, and I haven't paid her 28,000 in the last two years.

She doesn't give a fuck about anybody but herself and who's going to get her what she wants.

I think she left her first husband becausedad would go into the bank part drunk with very large company checks. Uncle Alex probably, I know this, encouraged his youngest brother dad to chase her. It was a stormy beginning with dad... Never mind, I can't share that part. Dad did something one night... Totalling his car downtown. I guess like James Dean might do.

Anyways, she was promised a certain life.

Now the other guy is rich.

Karma.

Dad was anything other than a selfish parent. He loved unconditionally.

Oh there's still a mortgage? Yeah house prices are crazy

I didn't know she was married before

Yeah still a mortgage.

Most don't. It was hidden from me but the others knew. If I had known that at twenty I think my mindset would have been different.

Lots was hidden from me. She didn't want me to know things. But the others... Different. I don't know. If dad didn't collapse on bankruptcy maybe things would have been much better.

Jim learned a long time ago to screw everyone to get more for him. Mike followed. Lisa was the wanted princess. As the most disadvantaged I was screwed. Especially since I wouldn't such up to mom who I instinctively felt did things for the wrong motivations.

Gossip and her friends were more important than me ory feelings. If I had a problem she'd tall about it with all her friends then she'd feel her job was done. She shared it with her friends.

She cared with many things though, but not enough of the right things at times. And she was bitter because life wasn't giving her what she expected.

I'm telling you lots.

Dad always said the women competed and they did. Even among some aunts there was competition. Who had more or better things. That caused strain on all the uncles. Sorry as a woman I shouldn't share that with you.

I don't want you to hate me. But some women are like that.

They spent too much. if you look at me you can say the same. But that's partly or even highly caused by unhappiness and a bad environment where I lost the ability to keep myself in check.

When I was buying rrsps and building my life, I had confidence. I should have moved to that apartment. I envisioned myself learning how to be highly fiscally prudent if I lived there in peace with four walls of privacy. I was excited too, but after a few days I started feeling like this place and mom wouldn't be here for some reason. Then I started realizing a feeling that she'd abandon me if I needed any support from something going wrong. I decided to stay here and help while trying to save. A double win, I don't pay outside of the family, I help my parents and I improvey position. But that was such a mistake because the dynamics which I forgot drag me down.

I'm smart but not smart at the same time.

I was mentored starting at 18... I had a lot of problems from here fixed, but that can be unfixed and in many ways it was.

When I was 20 I was told I was 40. I'm immature verbally, but not internally.

Well, I can be immature though. I can be wreckless, take risks if I feel... A certain way.

I need coffee.

That's half the reason I don't sleep. A cycle.

Stress and unhappiness elevates smoking and coffee as I try to deal with something overwhelming and it just takes off from there. If I was a drinker I'd be a hardcore alcoholic.

Keeping up with the Joneses! I know all about that

And why would I hate you?!

Oh, I don't know. The men against women and vice versa dynamic.q

I keep wondering if she's packing up there.

Window's and such are blinded. I'm going to use a ladder one day or I'm going to cut a hole in the wall.

From what I have written does it not sound like my family has and is trying to screw me?

Do you think I am a tenant?

I'm going to get a coffee. Take your time.

Do you want to meet?

Actually I have to grab Brianna at 3

I forgot lol

No, well.. We're? I have no money and that truck is tough on gas.

Maybe another time :-)

Ok

I guess your not going to answer the questions here. Do you think they have and are trying to screw me?

Give me a minute to reread everything :-)

I know they are, it's just how others view it. That's why I'm tying to put it online. She has screwed me.

Well it does appear that you were used. Being the only sibling willing to put the amount of work you did into that asset, with no way to recoup your contribution

Because the house isn't in your name nor was there an agreement

As far as being a tenant... that's tricky

With you occupying a separate suite maybe

Because she could be renting the space

The suite wasn't enclosed until 5 years ago.

She's such a bitch. I'm going upstairs at some point. How do you suggest doing that?

You're going upstairs? To confront her?

Np to check and take my belongings.

Theyve probably stolen them already.

What do you have up there?

Electronics, appliances, work gloves, stuff I'm the attic, furniture. I tool most out already.

Took. Most out.

Have you gone up there? Sorry I had to pick up Brianna

No. I will think about that later. do not share that pleae. I hope you havent. I might use the police for that.

I don't share anything

I only talk to Mark sometimes, no one else

You can share anything with Mark. That doesn't bother me.

I know you are seperate but you are the same to me.

:-)

Dan, how are you? I just read your post in Berladyn

I'm fine, I need to write. I just keep falling behind.

Thank you for asking.

Hope you are well. The Police were here, but the more I explain the less I have a chance at doing what I need to.

Thank you.

That's OK, I won't keep you

:-)

Thank you.

How are you today, Dan?

Just getting past the morning headache. Lungs hurt. Trying to determine priority. Trying to relax, dad did always say to.slow down. He learned that one too. :-)

How are you?

Tired and sore! Have a bladder infection

That's no good. Is that from... Pregnancy?

Not sure. I'm susceptible to them sometimes

I don't know how long ago you... I just know youre on leave and being a guy without a woman who delivered, I'm just assuming.. the stress of birth can cause things and they appear later.

I'm lucky that way I guess, but I've been through things that are painful too so.

Lucky it's not a stone, I hear those are terrible. I hope you get better soon.

Thanks! It's not pregnancy related. It's just a damper on things. I'll be fine :-)

Did you look at FraserHealth?

Not yet, I'm just going to keep on with the psychologist I'm seeing

Hi Dan, how are you doing today

Better thank you, and you?

Could be better, baby has stomach flu or something

I'm not feeling great myself

Hi, I am tired, but if you are interested you can read the results of the RTB Decision here: http://onyxblack.myqnapcloud.com/WordPress/2016/02/12/rtb-decision/

Reading now

The stuff in blue is your comments

?

I figured it out lol. I'm glad they made that ruling

Yeah, me too... buys time for now. I think it was my key words, "just trying to stay Alive" that sold the deal. I performed poorly, no sleep, etc.

That's only one minor hurdle in the grande scheme of things though. I'm concered Jim was leaving here with papers. I don't think he cares if he kills me and mom keeps coughing.. I think the stress is getting her.

Thanks Tania.

Is your mom sick?

I haven't really spoken with her, not really even in two years. She's always coughing, what does that say?

I need a mental break. Thank you Tania. I am head out for a bit.

Take care Danny

You too.

Hi Tania, how are you?

Not like you not to reply, take care.

Hi Dan! Sorry, baby has been out of sorts and I'm trying not to disturb him sleeping by being on my phone

ok. no problem sorry to make noise

I'll leave you be

Oh there's no noise, just the typing motion

I'm fine to chat but if I don't reply that means he's up :-)

oh I see. :)

How old is he?

How are you? I saw your post. What happened?

He's almost 11 months

I got arrested. :)

Arrested? For? Where are you now?

I got arrested and then released with a promise to appear

I have to go and get finger printed at some point.

They take pictures too

Arrested.. I am not sure exactly for what yet, I believe its something to do with the house, the renovations, the "vandalism" they like to call it.

And the Facebook posts

You were arrested for renovating a house and posting on Facebook?

yup.

I can't even return home.

I also cannot have anyone talk to my family on my behalf, not that I would anyways. So don't talk to anyone.

How have you been?

I don't talk to them anyways

I talk to Mark only, unless I run into someone out and about

How does Mark feel about me?

Been better, had my wisdom teeth and molar extracted on Friday

Brianna has an upset tummy

Wow, I had those done many years ago. It was fine except my cheeks all swelled. I think it's easier when you are younger.

Yes, Brianna has had that for a while now I remember

How's Mark?

I'm OK, just needing extra rest

Mark is OK, as far as how he feels? He told me what he said to you but we didn't discuss how he feels about you as a person

Not negatively anyways

Yeah, well... I haven't spoken to him since. I told him where to go.

Where are you staying?

At a friends for now.

I can stay here at least until court.

I just keep getting shafted.

What did he say to you? I only hear one side

When's court?

After telling me to fight fight fight, he came to me and said that I should just leave the house. That was after I talked to his dad. So, I took that as him not wanting to piss off his dad.

I can't leave teh house, I am completely broke, I might not even be able to afford to go to work let alone feed myself, especially after this week. Another week of lost wages.

Did you hear anything different?

No it's the same as he says

Ryker is up

I'll try to ttyl

ok

Sorry :-(

No problem, have a good I'll talk to you when I do.

Thanks. It was another tough night. Hope you're OK this morning

Yeah, I just woke up. My friend made me coffee which I love him for but he dumped a hole whack of sugar in it. I rarely take sugar, at least not like this.

How are you?

I'm emotionally starting to roll up and down a little.

I take my sugar with coffee lol. I love my double doubles

Yeah, a double double is good, but I swear he dumped the sugar in here straight from the bowl.

Its almost gross, but it's coffee. :)

It'll be a ride for sure Dan! I'm glad you found a place to stay. I've gotta get up and get going with the kids, hope to chat with you soon

Ok, have a good day mom. :)

I read your good-bye, it's a sad read ?

Sorry. I think it's better this way.

I apologize.

No need for apologies. I didn't go to the party either

Really? Must have been by choice or fate.

I wasn't feeling well, plus I wasn't sure how comfortable I would be