Hey Keith... I've thought of writing you a lot. Well not a lot, but often over the course of the last few years. I'm sorry man. I'm sorry for the conflict that... I was ultra sensitive and you a bit of the opposite. But not in way that was you're fault, I was just far too sensitive. Totally not your fault. I'm sorry.

That actually doesn't sound like the message I've wanted to send you but I guess it's the summary of it.

You know I was talking to Simon a few years back, could be ten years for all I remember. Anyways he told me you and Chris were in our preschool. It actually triggered a memory... I remember you two. I remember playing with you guys and becoming friends, then I remember you guys being gone and being a bit sad about it.

You're a good guy Keith, I'm sorry I went through a stage were I had some personal conflict. Again, I blame myself. I was just too sensitive, personal fault I suppose. Don't know if I am any different now but I am different you know? Age. Experience. Probably medication. You probably are too. Hope things are going well for you and I hope to see you at the reunion. Hopefully you'll let me buy you a drink.

C'mon Dan of course. I will you buy me a drink. Looking forward to seeing you.

Good night eh Dan? Lots of fun.

Yeah, it was a good night, wish I could say the same for the next day. I dont know how you guys do it. Good to see you again Kieth Im glad you came.

Hey Keith, have you heard from Erik? He disabled his Facebook it looks like? I know he's been really depressed.

He is that and then some. I am not surprised but I am concerned because he relies on it so much. Have you tried email?

No, the only email of his I know about is the illerate1975 one and I don't know if that works. Was going to stop by Lise's but I got busy with something. Will try tomorrow. I think he lost his job too Kieth. Don't quote me but there's the woman he's done with, the kid and I know something happened at work. Anyways hope your doing well. Meant to contact you and see if you want to hang out sometime but I am too fucked up trying to keep myself afloat. I have plenty of my own problems.

I understand!! Hope you are well too buddy. Btw he's fine and just off FB trying to improve himself.

So you got a hold of him? Good, Im glad to hear it.

Yep. He is in preservation mode

Hey Mr. Keith

Mr. Berladyn. How's it?

It's how it is. I don't really know to be honest. You?

4 month old twins 12 hour days no sleep. Lol living it up my friend.

Still good though

Living the dream!

That's good, I'm glad to hear it.

So what's up? Hangin in there?

Hanging in for what? I don't know anymore. I'm just tired but wishing I could go out and do something anyways.

Im not working long days, but it feels like it. I am organizing a large job downtown.

It's just constant chaos from start time to end time.

Staying busy is good asking as you can get some time to yourself.

Yes, staying busy is good but I also am a person who needs downtime.

I don't suppose you get out too much these days?

4 month twins.. well obviously not! :)

That's good though. I'm happy for you.

Thanks Dan. It's all a blur. I don't get out much. Dream about it.

Keith, if it helps, I really think you are doing the best thing you can, not just for your family, but also for yourself. I'm confident you'll look back on this time in your life and be extremely proud. It's why I am happy for you. Take care. If you ever want to sneak out sometime, I'm here. My only problem I am not mentally, emotionally, psychologically available at all times. My life is too fucked up. Be proud Mr. Keith, you are doing the right thing.

You are a good man!

Merry Christmas Keith. I hope it was memorable for you and your family.

Hey Dan! Thanks buddy. All the best this year!

You too Kieth, Happy New Year.

Hey... I don't know if I've ever asked you to do anything for me, but could you do something? Please? Could you post a picture of the Frog and the Duck? I'd like to see it. Post it right on my page if you would.

Thanks, Dan

Hey Keith, ever have time to see me? My own life is all over the map, but I would like to adapt to your schedule sometime... I know, its 48hrs crammed into 24 and somehow it just works.

It does. I have very little time but during the day can be easier for me.

Maybe sometime when I'm not working. The company put us all on Gps. Identify blame them and I do, but what ever.

Now your head is in a ball on my phone. Swipe you left, up, down, I don't know how to put you back to where you came from. This makes me feel old! :-)

Haha. Happens to me to.

I think about you from time to time. Just thought I'd let you know. Have a good day where ever you are.

Thanks Dan! You too man.

I was thinking of you earlier. I was thinking of you wondering if you could spare or so. Just for no other reason than to share time. You do know what Stoic means right?

I've probably already told you this in your life. I remember us in PreSchool. I remember you throughout the course. I didn't open up and join every until the end. For me, I know all the reasons why. Thanks for participating in the post I made.

I have a lot to do, I need "my time". Just gain some peace and energy. Thanks Keith.

By the way, you don't have to set any time aside, it was just a thought. We all have lots to do.

We certainly do.

I'm working fixing myself Kieth, however it's not easy because my core is intertwined with others. Even just income is harder for me than others. Anyways, I thought spending time with you would garner me strength, but it's all good. I'd like to earn my smile back. It's been a one time. Have a good day.

Come down to the arena! Kullen is playing hockey

When now? Now? I'd just need to know when.

Now yes. We are done at 12:30

There is a public market going on so parking is a premium but it's a good place to be

On the way. Which entrance?

Any. New rink at the back. Text me when you're here.

Walking in.

I am at one of the food trucks outside

Hope your day was better from being at the arena Dan!

It sure was Kieth! I wanted to thank you for it, but I felt I'd give you some space. You have an important job to do and i respect you highly for it.

Saturday's at 7:30am! Monday's at 4:45. Come on down. Like I said the coffee is pretty good when the concession is open.

I only want to whsiper this, but I am wearing a smile. You're the first to know, but there's a long road ahead. Thank you Kieth, if I can, I may just take you up on all of that. Have a good day and remember to kiss your wife. That's important too.

;)

From this point where I am I can move 360 degrees in a 4 dimensional map. So can you. I'd like that doctors name when you have a chance. Have a good day.

Gabor mate

I just scanned his page. It's the same I've always known and experienced over time like everyone else. The three weeks though it seemed like everything compressed through my Mind at once. Fast Forward from start to now. Thanks.

Listen to him speak about children. Watch a video. I found his insights and delivery soothing.

I only capped that quote at 4 dimensions. Perhaps emotion is..... I dont know. Have a good day.

I break everything down to infinite possibilities harmonizing. For you I would try to leave emotion out for now and look at things as objectively as possible

I disagree. I have looked at everything objectively in as many models as I can. Then I cross check them. It all fits to me anyhow. I've been advised by others harsher than you. There's a lot to life. All in time. Emotion is my deficit. balancing that keeps my ship level. From there I can proceed.

Emotion balances four ways in my view. Together they provide ability to descend, stay or climb.

Wish I could develop my atom theory for you. Negative compression intoxicates the core, radioactive people. :-)

Can't let the core collapse or it affects everything.

Interesting. How do you get others to be aware of the 4 dimensions?

Give me time. You know Kieth... Sometimes I wonder... I have tons to do. I know what I want to do. But I need to sit in peace for a bit.

10-4

Hey. So those statements you make denting Facebook Legal Rights have any bearing? What are your real thoughts?

No bearing I have seen but it's the incremental growth of power using information we provide for manipulation that I disagree with. I am aware of what's happening but unaware of how to effectively work around it without opting out and even then all data I have deleted is still there no matter what I chose.

You want the answer to all that? Natural Law. I will explain another time.

True

Life has been here longer than man. Tough to beat it.

I'm fact I'm not sure one even can in many ways. Cause and Effect. Partial fast thoughts. I have to run. Still working.

K

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0086879/

It was Mozart.. I said Beethoven to someone I shouldn't have, including you.

He had it really bad.

Fudge.... left the computer unlocked. Leaves me open to espionage. I don't want to let my Cousin know, so I posting it here. Sometimes I just write things to mark them. Sorry to bug ya.

Hey I dropped by the rink, I felt it was too late, I was slow this morning . Sorry for a the fb messages.

No trouble! What time were you there? I was feeling like shit

I checked our last weeks conversation and gambled you'd be there till 12:30. I think I was there at 10:30 and the kids were younger.

No big deal, I was only going to stay for 30 mins or so today.

Still haven't done the things I wanted to.

It will all happen in due time. Just stay positive. Kullens hockey is at 7:30 on Saturday and around 11 on Sunday's. This weekend is in north Vancouver

Well... it would be easier to stay positive if I had work needs and similar personal interests as others. I needed to buy a house and I was moving in that direction 20 years ago.

At least I know a positive happy place to get fresh air on Saturday mornings. :)

If I come there, I intend to keep everything seperate, just so you know. Hope the van brings back memories, the pick up too.

Have a good day and remember to kiss the wife. Easier for me to say in my shoes. Take care Keith.

I hope one day you don't look so much at the past.

Knowing my past, predicts my future. That's the way it is for me.

It can't change but the future can

I knew myself at 19 / 20. I knew my weaknesses and the needs I needed to overcome them. I am completely lost and have no footing.

People don't Keith. At least I don't think they do. My family members, my friends, myself.

Anyways, one day at a time.

Yep

You said... Never mind, remember when we met early in the year? Women, single, etc.... Trust me, it's no fun leaving your bed at 11:11pm to go sleep in another one. I'm weak... The no in me wasn't strong enough. Today I finally answered messages on pof....

I can't remember two weeks ago. Being social and dating is a good thing no?

No. I'm too ill, too unhappy, too stressed and as I thought walking out the door it was just a late night exchange. I guess we all need it one way or another but I'm tired! I wanted to get rested. Life's weird I had four women yesterday compliment me sexually on Pof. If i looked I wouldn't have found that.

There was one I'd have loved to have gotten naked with but she disappeared as quickly as she came. Tiny Asians sometimes just...

Lol

Speak of the devil... She replied again.... The best girlfriend I ever had was a tiny Asian girl. But she buzzed around with so much energy I couldn't keep up. This one seems the same

I live through your experience at this point

If I get involved I want someone longterm not a one night or.four month fling.

Careful what you wish for. ;)

My experiences aren't... I actually try to stay away. Always trouble.

Yeah yeah :-)

My uncles, I had 8. They all had 50 and 60 year marriages unless one dropped, till death do us part. At least one of them had that and all his side dishes known, and it still worked.

Each their own.

He had girlfriends on the side right up until nearly 75. Funny how life can be. I'd rather have just had one stable teammate. I look at Simon, the things I hear of you... Not easy but I think you are better for.it.

That one seems good. Have you met her?

No, she just asked me to. She feels high speed... Maybe I'll hear from her later, sometimes it's cat and mouse with them... I find it better to not get caught up in the game.

Sounds right.

I had a gf that looked like that. She'd come over nightly at 10pm, bring lunch and be gone by 12pm. Just stopping by to service me she'd say... But I never tried and if I did that wouldn't have happened.

Funny people

I think I told you of her. She even mention bringing in her 16 year old daughter to help with me. That amazed and scared the shit out of me at the same time.

I need smokes and coffee. I hope I quit soon, gonna have to run.

Probably not a great idea to go with a 16 year old hey? It's not legal!

K. Have a good one!

Yeah I didn't and it's wrong besides the law. I wouldn't feel right. even 21 seems too young now.

But I like to look. :-) You have a good one too.

Understanding follows the good communication, the correct actions follow the understanding, money follows the correct actions (a bit of philosophy)

I figure you'd appreciate that. It came from my namesake who just arrived in Canada for the first time in Sept 2014. I've written him for maybe 13 years. Hopefully we meet next year.

Hey, I intended this morning to come by, but I had to work.

No trouble. 11:30 today at the rink.

Oh really? :-)

At 11:30 or till? I didn't want to send multiple messages.. So I assumed. :-) I'm here now. Probably missed you

Either way, this rink is pleasing all in itself. Of course, women in tight revealing pants with nice bottoms is enjoyable as well. ?

Lol

Funeral today.

No trouble. Glad it's not yours;)

9:15 tomorrow also

One of my last standing allies... an uncle.

Born in 1929.

Family allies I meant.

I understand. It will be good to pay your respects.

Wouldn't miss it for anything.. Im just not sure how to interact with everyone. I'll probably come tomorrow.

This moring I am waiting.. lol I'll be by to see you.

Hey, I came by but I assume I was too late. I decided to stop on the way to see my cousin off to the Ferry.

I missed a night of sleep writing, I thought yesterday was Friday. Today I went down, at 10am and I was told there was a game scheduled but that everyone pulled a no show. Just not meant to be. :)

Lol. It was at 11:30 today. No worries Dan. Hockey is winding down for the holidays.

Yeah, I figured it would. But I wanted to go and I wanted to see you for some bearing. I have 26 days left, 11 to submit evidence.

Keep going on it. It is important.

Thank you. I had a friend who gets my emails today take the fire out of me. He told me he doesn't think i have a leg to stand on and that the stuff I am writing is irrelevant. It took the fire right out of me. Because it's all 100% relative, he's retired and he cares, but I think he just doesn't want to read them. I CC my emails to him to ensure that the PMPD cannot deny them.

It doesn't matter anymore how I control the information. If you want to read them, there's about 20 I will email them to you. They are long, and I'd rather write out the story from start to end than submit it through partially written emails. I just can't let them get away with destroying me because that's what I feel like they have intentionally done.

My friend states I don't have a leg to stand on because everything is in her name. I am aware of that. Obviously so you are you and everyone else.

Thanks for the message, I appreciate the reply.

Thank you Sir.

No trouble. Keep me posted

Interested? Good people here.

What is it?

You can't see it either? I asked Mark my hockey cousin and his daughter. It's street hockey. Dad's and kids, started from people who grew up in Glenayre, good guys, just a little older than us. Westhill, under the lights, all ages welcome. Tomorrow at 6pm.

Sweet. Let me work on it. Remind me tomorrow.

OK...

Will do. Thanks for considering it.

A bit late to remind you, a bit late for me to check in with those guys too..

I assume your not coming...

You should have came, I think you'd have liked it other than coming in withour initially knowing anyone.

It's once a year thing. Next year perhaps if I think of it.

Sorry Dan. Crazy couple of days with sick kids and wife. I would love to do this next year. Cheers!

Cheers!

Open to ALL. Westhill, inherited lacrosse box, under the lights.

Tablets... Under the lights. Hope they get better, take care.

Are you pissed at me for identifying you? I couldn't help it.

Not at all.

Are you reading what I am writing? Is it good? Bad? I have little perspective if I am hurting myself.

I think this is more of a cleansing for you. None of the people you mention in this will bend or show consideration by way of what you are doing but you need to let this out. It's certainly a public way to do so. I don't think it hurts more than it helps but I wonder what your family is doing with this or what they think.

Mental health was just here. lol

Funny, but thank you for your words. I just don't comprehend how I am the fucked up one for doing what's right.

Because what's right is assumed and if you feel you have to convince people of what you are doing as right, you are dealing with people who just don't know and your only failing is allowing it to consume your thoughts. I would fight for so long and ten walk away. It's not worth your health, mental or physical.

Easy to say when youre not a tradesperson with a livelihood with real material needs.

The Counsellor/Doctor said I did the right thing. Dad knew I did. I knew I did. It's... impossible to show others.

Material needs?

Tool material storage, Keith trust me. I've been through this conversation a million times.

Not all tradesmen live in houses.

Yeah, and their income is limited.

Ahh

Can I send you a pic through here? I'm not sure...

Got it. That was a long time ago!

I love that picture!

You're in glasses and can't be identified, I wanted to post it to your timeline but your too smart for that. :)

I like to think so anyhow.

As do I my friend. How's the kids?

Have to run, have a good day Kieth!

Damn, I always do that! I meant Keith!

Kids are crazy man!

lol - I bet they do their best. :)

Hey I don't know if you are keeping up anymore, but I actually go to jail. I know the charges, I've known of them for a while, no one believes me... well, now I've been charged. At the moment, the charges are in my favour but that can change. I am financially completely wiped out, anyways thanks for being a friend.

Wtf? I have had the most stressful three weeks doing haven't kept up. How is it you are being charged? Is it for not leaving?

Well they are charging me because I didn't leave. Apparently it doesn't matter that I haven't been working and am out of money.

How could I go? I can't rent with pocket lint. $40k in six or seven months gone. The banks calling... It's the cops they don't give two shits about me. If I am gone everyone's problem is solved.

Except mine.

It's railroading the victim if you ask me. But then everyone just says I should have walked away.

It's harder when you are in the middle of the storm and not watching it on the news

Court now. Finger printed on the third and Court on the 7th.

Thanks, I appreciate that comment. Others, including th cops oh you cam just start over. Where I was before in the summer wa me starting over.

Om being charged for their loss of enjoyment of the property and the Facebook posts.

They ve nearly.killed me, driven me insane, driven me I to bankruptcyand bear suicide in the past the cop said she didnt care about that.

That's crazy making. I would joined the peace corps by now.

I'm just not important Kieth.

Good news is that's 13 psychiatrists and no diagnosis. The bad news, that makes me accountable. lol

Why not find some religious asylum?

The system is fucked. I swear they work in cahoots with the cops.

That's not a bad idea. Can you think of one? But then I couldn't leave the property.

There no doubt to me that there are some things rattling about too much in your head so there must be a diagnosis for it.

I would be careful what you choose from here.

OK.. I have to let the Psychologist know. He thinks I am I'll because I am not depressed. I think i could be bipolar to a small degree but I think emotional trauma is the big culprit. Always getting emotionally fucked over.

They threw me in the hospital again because psychiatrist #11 was very concerned for me emotionally, yet she couldn't comprehend that I couldn't lose another weeks work.

You have to think bigger

Thanks for messaging, I was Ina dark spot when I heard the phone make noise. I think I'm... Near depression so that should make the Psychologist happy.

We all get depressed man!

Yeah I do... But I also.. I'm fucked Keith that house and th at situations such a big part of me. Going out.like that.. It's not right.

Watch him Jeffries skit on gun control

You need a laugh

I haven't watched anything I keep trying to deal with life.

Life doesn't care about us.

I do. I have a smile that you.messaged, so thanks.

It cares about Keith come on...

I walk many paths

Women always have the upper hand though. Like my mother she can do no wrong it seems. I don't even blame her, she's mainly played and under thr control of my siblings.

Fuck em

I know it's wrong but I always look at your paths as good paths, good walks.

I keep trying, but I'm the only one getting fucked.

Fraught with potential peril just like everyone else

Yeah, but you got good genes and good karma baby... You pull it off. :-)

I do fuckin try that's for sure.

It ain't easy being greasy

Lol

No Sean's birthday tonight?

I saw

I have 4 ball and chains

As always I can't go.to events. I'm out of money, need every penny and I still smoke. I'm going to be fucked.

I'm staying Ina friends travel trailer. It's almost funny reality will really hurt when it hits in full. It's surreal.

Those are food chains though Keith. They being reward and afterlife.

I can only imagine my friend.

They bring reward.

It is my fault Ina way though. I chose this path and I could never get off it if I tried once on.

My boss says same mind same situation so.nothing ever changes. But then Mt mind needs stability and order so I'm kinda fucked. Hard for me to get what I need without having the means to get there.

Psychologically I mean.

Anyways... Enough about that.

Are you at home?

I imagine you are.

I just made a bad comment but I can't edit.. Oh well. I guess have a good night what ever happened to you.

Just had to get ready for bed. I have been out of town and need to spend time with my wife. Night DB.

Yes you do. Enjoy that time Keith. Have a good one. Thnks for the messages.