Goodbye.

This is a good bye to all of you.  I can’t know you. So there is no misinterpretation (unlike a phone conversation I had had with an extended family member today) I am not dictating who you can and can’t know.  I am listening to myself on the inside. I can’t know you for the simple reason that I can’t be friends with people who are friends with those who screwed me.  It doesn’t work.

There’s something about life I have always noticed, at least in my life.  I am going to call it the “flip”.  Bad turns good and good turns bad. It’s not fair, but it’s the way my life goes.  I’m not going to try explaining it because most of you won’t understand.  My life has been torturous.  Please don’t assume anything, people tell me I am very intelligent. I am intelligent enough to understand my own life and my own psychology, but I am not intelligent enough to explain it.

I am in a non-recoverable position.  I don’t want to hear anyone’s opinions.  I know who I am.  I find people assume and take for granted far too much.  I have been through more emotional extremes than most people I know.  I have rebuilt from ashes more times than I ever should have.  Don’t assume what that means, you’ll likely get it’s meaning wrong.  There was almost no way out of that house and there’s no way to stay now, not under my own power.

So I am going to let you know what I told the Police appointed Psychologist today.  He accepted it by the way.  I will be a suicide at some point in the future.  I did tell the Police in November that they will kill me if they remove me from that house.  I did write them just prior to these charges that if they are not careful this will result in my death within the next five to ten years.  My real estimates are pegged a little better than that.  My brain likes to calculate.

This is not a cry for help, it’s simply a good bye.  I can’t know you.  I am glad I never went to Uncle Ike’s 80th.  I really am.  I likely will not get around to making a will, I have to try to survive and I don’t have the time, energy or resources for such.  So I leave it here.  It’s pretty simple my wishes.  I can’t control what anyone does with dad’s ashes, but with whatever happens to mine, I don’t want my family to have them and I don’t want them at any services, likely I won’t have any.

I ask you not to interfere, all you will do now is stop my chances for survival.  My needs are different than yours, so advice is not really going to work.  Take care of yourselves and good bye.