Again, I am just beginning to get into writing mode, and I have to pack everything up.  Bedding, clothes and lots and lots of paperwork.  House party.  Woo hoo.  It's just so not me.  Not with the things I want to get to done.

Having to pack everything up is extremely disrupting.  I had to do that about a before Court as I was just starting to really get going on writing, 300+ pages.  After months of trying to write, I finally received the peace, the understanding and the space from those I lived with.  I could have had a lot of things logged in great detail.

Same thing tonight.  Pack everything up, yada yada.  I'm encouraged to drink and have fun by people who would never even attempt what I would like to do.  I have lost so many words and so many details, as I do so all the things I know to be untrue that are written down by other parties get harder and harder to undo.

I'm already six months behind.  Tomorrow I run out of money again.  I know what's important to me, it's the continual lack of being able to complete what is important due to third parties that destroys me.  If I wasn't tired again with a bunch of drunk people for an ambience I'd probably write this update better.

It's so frustrating.  I need a cave.  Looking at hospital records, for example the same set that came last month.  My thoughts were fresh, clear and right now..  I am tired and I am unable to do what I feel I need to do.  Never mind everything else, since then.  The Court, the Interactions.  Luckily some of it is partially written in different places, I just have to recover it and rekindle the memories.

I know exactly what I want to say in this update but I can't.  Still lucky to live here.