Message to Orfeo Pagliacci
Vans already a mess.
Message to Orfeo Pagliacci
Vans already a mess.
Message to Orfeo Pagliacci
Sometimes yes, sometimes no. I need clean clothes and Towels at all times for that.
Message from Orfeo Pagliacci
Just go on your way home
Message to Orfeo Pagliacci
Where you said. Just have to burn gas every night, no big deal.
Message from Orfeo Pagliacci
Where you go
Message to Orfeo Pagliacci
Shower feels better.
When I was growing up, my paternal grandmother lived independently. While I was never involved in the details, it was quite apparent that her children were helping her financially. I didn’t give it a second thought. Now that I think about these things for a living, I wonder when it all changed. When did adult children…
Message to Orfeo Pagliacci
Back to home depot? I meant to check on your plumbing.
From: Dan Berladyn [mailto:email@example.com]
Sent: February 28, 2016 12:21 PM
To: ‘Jenn Ohashi’ <firstname.lastname@example.org>
Cc: email@example.com; firstname.lastname@example.org; Multiple-Parties
Subject: RE: PMPD and Neutrality – Addendum.
Hello Jenn Ohashi,
The day North Vancouver RCMP picked me up I wanted to share some words with you. By the time I had gotten in that night, I was out of time. In effect the below are those words.
Tuesday, February 18th. I believe that was the date you took me to the Royal Columbian Hospital under a Section 4. The same date both I and my friend insisted to the young sensitive Psychiatrist and Tri-Cities Mental Health to not to stop me from working, to not to put me in the hospital. This was the same date you took my lighter without giving it back, the same date you disregarded my request to meet you at the Tennis Courts as opposed to having all the neighbors see the police cars at the house. That stuff is no big deal, but I learned when I was a teenager not to keep a person’s lighter. Especially a smoker’s. It shows a disregard to the person’s needs and the person himself.
Anyways do you remember being in the hospital and waiting for staff at the Emergency Room waiting area? I remember it. You told me that you thought I had a nice family. I replied that I disagreed. Naturally, I would know them much differently than you, much deeper. I remember being locked outside for kicks, teased, taken from, out maneuvered, out played, shafted in many ways. Three on one. I think one of two things happen psychologically in that scenario. The smaller weaker sibling either gets smarter and learns to outwit his victors or he gets weakened in an exponential cycle, this just makes him easier to take from in the future. The weakened get weaker and the strengthened get stronger. Dynamics lock.
When I asked you who you spoke to, your answer was Jim, Lisa and briefly Mike Berladyn. That told me right there who’s influenced you the most. The same two who could manipulate and coerce my mother the best when we were kids. The ones who were able to develop the strongest psychologically. Those three have had years discussing and building their case together, their mutual interest. Not quite mob mentality, but more so the same problems inherent in democracy and voting. People tend to vote what favours their pocket book over the truth, over what’s right. They vote for what they want to believe.
In many ways, I think my family is text book. There’s multiple text book issues for me, they compound. However if you look at the three males, just look at the net worth’s of each. Look at the confidence of each. It’s tiered, it’s tiered exactly as the resource split was when we were kids. The oldest has the most, the middle brother is next and then there’s me that’s last (if they get their way). My sister is a different ballgame because she’s a girl. She was the princess that my parents always wanted and she was different, she was operating under different set of rules. She learned to be manipulative. Somethings never change, in fact I think one of those things that don’t change are people. My mother hasn’t changed, she still gets played the same ways. My siblings haven’t changed. The only thing that has changed are the situation in that house over the years. Thus the dynamics change through a different situation, not the people.
February 18th, I told you there in the Emergency Room that my family drove me insane and into financial destruction and nearly into bankruptcy where they tried to guide me into committing provable fraud, which consequently lead again into a near suicide. Then I reminded you of what you knew about the last year, via my timeline, that they almost killed me in November. Your reply was that you didn’t care about any of that history. You stated you were going to give me one more chance to get on my feet. That left me wondering where you think you are coming from. But then I am reminded, you speak with my family, the very same people who keep knocking me off my feet for personal gain and have done so all of my life. I suppose you have adopted their thinking, you know what is right for me. That kind of mentality bewilders me. I find it extremely ignorant and self-serving. I know I can be ignorant myself, but I am usually conscious of it somewhere inside when it happens. That probably later appears as guilt.
Backing up here, out of all the times I have felt suicidal, the Winter of 2013/2014 was by far the deepest, longest, blackest duration I have ever endured. In my perspective, it was only by the skin of my teeth that it didn’t happen. I was already there, the only thing that prevented it was the knife-edge of being able to barely keep functioning, to barely keep my head above water enough to breathe. It was literally one foot in front of the other, I had to hide it all from people. I had just scarcely enough opportunity that I could move my left foot in front of my right, take a step and avoid the other permanent route. If one wrong thing happened which was too large of a hurdle, it was all over. I would just execute plan B, which actually would have been much easier. I actually ended up running the largest most complicated job I have ever ran in that state. It was like a little orchestra for me and it saved my life. I’m lucky I had good teachers and was taught a system that works. However, bear in mind I had the basics for functioning covered. Not like now.
So back to the Section 4 trip to the Royal Columbian Hospital, February 17th, I both was and wasn’t shocked to be placed under arrest at my release from Hospital. It’s the way my life goes. Why you chose to do that I have still yet to learn. Perhaps my mother spilled her guys to you. I’m under a possible assumption it is viewed as what I need, a push out of my “mother’s” house. Makes me laugh, the only reality that I can really see is that this is deemed to solve everyone’s problem. I just walk away and “start over” (which is assumptions due to ignorance) or I get creamed, either way everyone else’s problem is solved. My siblings “win” what they always wanted, my mother gets to hold face with her misleading friends and you don’t have to deal with me. However in reality, this is what you have done: You have rewarded unscrupulous behavior by my siblings, my mother will lay on her deathbed in guilt and I again go down a path which is torturous and not worth travelling any longer. You’ve punished the victim either for simplicity or for not comprehending the larger picture.
Officer Hunter is a good Officer in my view. I like him as well as his partner of February 18th. She was smart, as she was observant, kind and neutral – I am terrible with names. Officer Hunter stated this is my chance to start over, get away from the people who are toxic. However, there’s really nothing left in me to start over. That’s all I have done for 20 years. I am emptied right out inside and I somewhat feel that that last rebuild of my life, the last two years were truly my last chance. I think it’s something you don’t understand unless you’ve walked the shoes. I know thyself, like only you would know yourself inside. Without re-reading my emails I know I told you likely in writing that you will kill me if you forcibly remove me from that house. That was November. I am fairly certain I communicated that again in the last month or so. I don’t expect you to be psychologists, mind readers, or even intuitive, but whatever happens in the future I certainly hope you all gain wisdom in life.
When I was a Union Organizer, I took that job too seriously. I burned out. In reality it was a distraction from my family problems. I was burying myself somewhere else so I didn’t have to deal with something I alone could not change. I know my own personal history, I even know the real reason I bought that Silverado on my Facebook page. I told myself I would never buy a new truck just two years before, but my life was done. I couldn’t abandon my parents, I couldn’t get what I needed to protect myself and I was trying to trap myself in a job that was no good for me. It might sound wimpy, like giving in, but you have to understand how long things had gone on for already. I just wanted something to give me happiness and pride, I was buying myself off. Enjoy it while it’s here.
In that same job, we had a Union Representative. I remember him and his much easier background. A member would walk into his office with problems, spill his beans, then believe the Rep would help him and as soon as that member walked out, the Rep would tell me what an idiot. He thinks such and such but this is the way things have to be for these other reasons. Politics.
I feel you and your Superior Officer approving of those arrest charges have done the same to me. I’d at least like to know his name if I may. So I am asking you here for his name. I’d at least like to know who decided that move on my life. If this is arrest is related to what I have said above, the one last chance… you may as well hit me with everything you have. The route is the exact same, I am going to end up in the same spot no matter what. If I take the left trail or I take the right trail, the destination is the same. I only wish I could write out my entire history so that when it’s all said and done, people could see how a person actually goes from trying so hard to stay white, to only end up black by listening to other people. I even listened to my doctor, what did that get me?
Aside from that, you have removed me from my home and it is my home. I cannot function. I can’t sell things to make up for the short comes in income, I cannot do my taxes properly for my refund, I cannot even do what I need to do for work, which I assure you is much different for me than simply showing up somewhere. On top of this you have made it nearly impossible for me to build a defense or to write out my personal history as much as I can before I am sunk for the rest of my life. In essence you have set me up for failure.
I know where I have gone wrong. I am the kind of person who can severely struggle for 99% of the time doing all the right things while avoiding mistakes I know not to make. High Standards in many areas. It’s always the same cycle over and over. The Psychiatric Nurse at the Lions Gate Hospital said I am too rigid. That’s all perspective. I am the way I am for a reason and when I finally succumb to dropping my own knowledge and listening to others the result is always the same. I begin to think I was wrong for being so hard on myself, for following such strict rules. Time goes on and then one day out of the blue they bite me in the ass. It all comes completely full circle. It’s like a curse, because other people go their whole lives practically getting away with murder compared to me. Some of those people are my siblings.
Doctors, forget it. This is probably long enough, but the next time I see a Psychiatrist, I am just going to state what the very first one I had seen had said. He was old, miserable and experienced. Check my medical file, it states: Family Problems. That about sums it up, I’ve had them since I was young and it Psychologically messed me up as I grew the way I did, problems just compounding. A good start leads to a good finish. I didn’t come into my problems alone, I am certainly not going out with them alone. What I last posted to Facebook, to my extended Family is true. You don’t railroad my life like that and expect me to survive.
You shouldn’t have removed me from that house the way you have. I am a human being and a lifelong resident of Port Moody. Perhaps I view this with personal bias, but you have shown no concern for me, only for the “Takers”. When I read your reply to my last email, I sensed political BS. I was born into that house, my mother knows deep down it was me that saved her from losing it. She admitted this all to a Psychologist, she has even stated to me that that is her house and it is my house. Deep down she knows, but she’s become trapped. My father knew too. That’s why he said to me what he did shortly before he passed away. To make sure I “get”, he felt he got @$#%’ed and he knew the same was coming for me.
My mother does not fear me as I explained to you already. The Psychologist stated she cannot Psychologically admit the truth because it does not make her feel good. I know my mother, she was helpless in that garage alone with me after my first release from hospital. I sensed it and perhaps that was the only chance I had to talk to her. However as I also explained, I feared doing so alone. One wrong word twisted in gossip and I am a bad guy to be taken away, that’s why I needed my uncle to witness the conversation. To mediate.
She fears the reprisal of my siblings and now it’s past all that too. She’s lied under Oath under the guidance of my oldest brother who you have obviously taken sides with. Maybe it’s just the timing, but I found it odd that the last thing I posted to Facebook before the Section 28, was the FRAUD and the lying under OATH. I haven’t read my words since I posted them. The day you first took me to the hospital was the day I planned on removing some of the posts I made out of frustration. It was also the day I was going to talk to my bank and tell them I couldn’t make my February payments.
Also in regards to those posts, I don’t remember my exact words at this moment, but what everyone pretended was a threat was no threat. A threat like I said to you in person, is having someone phone you and tell you they are going to kill you. I’ve had those kinds of threats as a Union Organizer. It just made me want to go back for more, my boss wouldn’t let me.
Back on to the Section 28, John Motke explained to me that you walked into that basement and concluded I must be nuts. That that wasn’t $50,000 in materials. That’s partly my fault, all I can do is ballpark. I bet you I have spent $50,000 if not more in the 21 years I’ve lived there as an adult. You didn’t even know about the recent upstairs renovations to the bathrooms and the kitchen. Do you know who paid for much of that? Not just in labour completed after long days of producing for Bosa, but do you know who actually paid for much of it? Remember it was noted that I was honest, I get mixed up at times, but that was a comment that many Officers stated. So do many past employers and friends if you poll them. Even some of the lights bulbs in that house, they are not your run of the mill bulbs. They are high CRI, for good color rendering for mom’s crafts. Who do you think would look into things like that? My mother? My siblings? Ha!
The $50K in twenty years, I have spent that. People who live high, only to come to the verge of losing things later in life tend to start filling their lives with junk. My father was raised on a farm, he ended up as a very poor bankrupted alcoholic. Do you have any idea what I mean by those last two sentences? I don’t know how to explain it. But my parents became junk collectors, trying to continually mickey mouse this and that. I would go behind them and redo what was done, I would continually clean up that property. I have likely taken between 50 and 100 trips to the dump. I’d clean up an area, they’d pile it up with garbage again. Hoarders. Over and over, insanity, but it was necessary to get to the end goal. Keep it afloat. I even paid to dump the temporary garage and everything in it that my bother abandoned there. It was rotted, corroded and you couldn’t disassemble it. My uncle had bought it two years earlier and I even gave him his money back.
I love my dad, he would fix things, I would often have to undo what he did and redo it all over again. Most of those supplies in the garage, many in the shed, all paid for by me. Running to around to Home Depot, Craigslist, the Re-Store, all those places. Do you know the gas and time I have spent? Even just researching? The first time that basement was renovated, 20 years ago I paid for far more than my mother ever knew. She was shocked a five years ago when I told her. My sister says she’s dumb, she’s just naive about somethings. She’s not dumb. She’s naïve and she wanted the life she had felt entitled to. One of the things I feel guilty for is not renovating even better, it’s hard when you have three monkeys clinging on your back and your mother only concerns about rushing jobs so she can show her friends.
Anyways when I say 50K, it may likely be higher. I have a habit of far too much detail or not enough. Sometimes I simplify things, I did when I bid on jobs. Any capital used for a job was deemed “material”, gas, garbage dumps, paper, all that stuff. What I call labour is time spent, man hours. And 100K likely doesn’t cover the hours I have spent in that house working, cleaning up just so I could work, maintaining, etc. I said 100K in lost wages, it’s likely closer to 200K when I factor in all the lost confidence, being stabbed in the back, the sickness, then trying to negotiate with Contractors who just want to use me like my siblings wanted to. Screwed from all sides.
Same thing for you Constable Johnk, when I say $500 in interest a month, I mean interest and loan insurance. Visa killed me. I didn’t have the time, energy or confidence to walk in the bank and try to ask how to fix it. Working often six days a week, you just get caught in a cycle. The depression. I remember crying to the Psychologist, if I was least carrying a mortgage on an asset in my name I could “reset” myself once and correct the finances.
I used to flip if I carried a balance on a Credit Card. Debt scared the hell out of me. But when you are emotionally unbalanced, the unbalance spreads. I fought it for a long time and ended up correcting an emotional hole that’s too large by using money I didn’t have. That just creates this cycle that gets worse and worse over time. I don’t/didn’t want to lose my bank, it would really hurt me inside, but I would not have felt guilty declaring bankruptcy because they had already been paid the debts in interest and loan insurances. It’s not the right view but it’s one that could morally justify things a little easier for me, it would remove some of the guilt. What I owed was likely peanuts to them.
What bothered me about bankruptcy was staying mentally stable through it all. An impossible task it seemed and seems, as well as the guilt if I listened to my family. Losing my bank would hurt me, hurt my pride, same with the whole history of it all. Unrecoverable and that’s how feel now. I have made over a million dollars in my life, most of that with my bare hands. How do you, Ohashi expect me to just move on when the road is impossible? Last Summer, I was close to having what I needed just to leave, never mind being saddled with the thoughts of being taken. Those thoughts will catch me one day, I’ll get depressed when I want something I don’t have.
There’s not really much I can do. Government aide, your assisted living, that’s just all red tape and hoops I don’t think I can jump through. I am set up for failure because I do not have what I need to survive. Furthermore, you are helping give everything I have paid for to my family who obviously does not care about me. They only care about themselves or this would have never of happened. One of you Officers asked why I care that someone laughs at me. I think that’s a silly thing to ask. My father cried to me that his sons laughed at him, that his wife didn’t understand. Do you have any idea how much he drank drowning in it?
In closing, I’ll request this again. If you ever feel the need to send an Officer to where I am staying, please just phone first. I know my phone had a dead battery on the 24th, but sending Officers only causes more problems. This house where I am staying is full and I’d rather not wear out my welcome. This is a friend’s house, I am lucky I have been able to stay here. At work, I will be in people’s homes at some point, sending Officers only makes my company and my managers look bad. North Van was fine because they were unoccupied residences.
Hopefully I didn’t say anything too damaging in here, I know in past emails I have stated things I could have worded better. A prosecutor’s dream I suppose.
( Mental Health Liaison Officers – I feel I am right about you people )
( Email Attachments on the following pages… )
Message from Orfeo Pagliacci